


Future Unknown

by cjjade



Series: The Unknown [2]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bev was adopted by Richie's parents, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Established Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Good Parents Maggie & Wentworth Tozier, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Set in College Years, Slow Burn for Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Stan has unhealthy coping mechanisms, Tozier Family is complicated, Year in current not 90's, first movie is canon only, implied Bill Denbrough/Others
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 09:20:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 55,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22967611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjjade/pseuds/cjjade
Summary: Some wounds aren't easily healed, and sometimes you need to lose yourself to find yourself.  The Losers learn just how complicated, messy, and freeing life outside Derry can be.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Stanley Uris/Original Male Character(s)
Series: The Unknown [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650325
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. California to Florida

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that would not leave me alone. I intended to keep this T, but I started writing and it went a little above that. Hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> THANK YOU JACEY! You are a wonderful person to always take time to Beta Read for me.

** Future Unknown: California to Florida **

Eddie laid in bed smiling as the scent of Richie hit him, he had fallen asleep at Richie’s last night. Which wasn’t exactly more than an elevator ride to his own apartment, but Richie liked him staying over. He refused to do more than kiss despite Eddie pleas for more, but Richie liked Eddie in his bed. Bev thought he should just move in, but Eddie knew that was more so she could stay in Ben’s room without feeling weird. Eddie wished he knew why he made Bev feel weird. It stung if Eddie was being honest. The way everyone except Bill treated him like he needed to be protected. Richie tried not to but he did it without thinking sometimes.

Eddie sucked in a long deep breath as he walked outside grinning. If they were in Maine it would be cold right now but as luck would have it they were in sunny California. It was hard to believe so much had changed in a year. Richie was shooting hoops with Bill, Eddie smiled even wider. Eddie's rainbow colored wristband shining bright against the dark black of his clothes. Richie loved it here, it was like for the first time he found a place he felt accepted. Eddie loved seeing Richie happy. 

Conor knew someone, because apparently he knew a lot of people across the globe. They got into a very exclusive apartment complex. It had a an extremely long waiting list, normally you had to do several interviews. Conor didn’t like the idea of them being in dorms. Richie and Bev lived in a two bedroom on the first floor. Everyone who saw it loved it. The ocean was literally outside their window, it was just a quick walk across small walking path. Big plus, it was a private beach, and few residents had children. Eddie, Ben, and Bill lived on the fourth floor which was also the top floor. Eddie loved sitting on his balcony at night, just looking out at the sky and waves. 

Eddie knew people were apprehensive due to their ages, but they made sure to behave themselves since they moved in right after fourth of July. Richie and Bev were just back from Mexico with their parents. Ben had gone along, but Eddie had been forbidden by his mother. She still wasn’t answering his phone calls and every letter got sent back to him. The day he said he was leaving she swore she wouldn’t talk to him until he came to his senses. Screaming Eddie needed her, he would die without her, he would end up like his father. Eddie wished it didn’t hurt as much as it did. Despite all of Sonia's faults, she was his mother. He wanted her in his life, but he also couldn't stay. Maybe that stung more.

“Did Richie tell you,” Bev said softly taking a seat next to him on the patio. Eddie looked up curious. “Stan isn’t coming with Mike for Thanksgiving.”

“Why,” Eddie asked already knowing the answer, but he needed to ask.

“Claimed school,” Bev sighed taking a sip of her coffee. “Richie was pretty upset.” Eddie looked on, now seeing why Richie was playing so serious. Richie couldn’t blame Bill out loud, but he could beat him at a very intense game of basketball. “If anyone should still be angry it’s you.”

“I’ll handle this,” Eddie told her annoyed, Bev giving him an amused smile, that faded at his cold stare.

Eddie stood up quickly ignoring her calls of his name, he was done with this. He was tired of Bev treating him like he couldn’t take care of himself. Whenever they hung out or she bought stuff for the group she always bought him something special or cutesy. Eddie tried talking to her about it, but it was like she didn’t understand. Eddie wasn’t delicate, he wouldn't die if he got wet or ate too spicy food. They all just assumed Eddie would be their designated driver when they went to parties. They all assumed he wouldn’t want to stay out late or eat at that all-night diner due to germs. Eddie was just tired of being treated like he was their child, and not their best friend. 

XOXO

Bill and Stan had mended fences, but it was clear Bill wanted only friendship at most. After a year Eddie felt bad for Stan, he loved Bill with everything that was inside of him. It was why he went to Florida to stay with Mike and not Richie here in California. Bill had gone crazy dating after Thanksgiving. It seemed like every time they learned someone’s name he was onto someone new. Eddie stopped trying, once they moved here it slowed down. This was a sore spot with Richie. By sore it would send him into a ranting rage that had Bev rolling her eyes. Richie wanted Stan to move out here, he wanted his best friend here with him, but Stan wouldn’t. 

But then only Richie, Mike, and as of two weeks ago Eddie knew that truth about his being in Florida. It wasn't some rash last minute decision to transfer from University to Maine to go to some random college in Florida that gave Mike a football scholarship. It hadn't been the fear of being alone, away from everyone that had led Stan there. Mike hadn't talked him into it like he had claimed. Eddie knew that Bill had made comments on their relationship. Especially after Mike went with Stan to Prom, but Bill brought that on himself.

“I’m not the reason Stan isn’t coming,” Bill argued falling onto the couch, looking up at Eddie’s displeased face. “He’s in Florida.” Bill tone was strained, he almost spit out the next words. “With Mike.”

“Stan isn’t with Mike or in college Bill,” Eddie sighed rubbing his eyes, he saw Bill confused expression. “His father gave him a choice, be straight or be disowned.” Bill face fell fast and quick. That was always Stan's fear of what would happen. “He apparently called Richie crying after his dad tossed him out of the house.” Bill felt like someone kick him in the gut. “Richie called Mike because Stan refused his offer to come here.”

“Because of me,” Bill mumbled looking down at the floor feeling sick.

“Because he thinks he’s doing right by you,” Eddie snapped, Bill looked up shame in his eyes. “He’s never forgiven himself for what he did." Eddie stopped making sure Bill was listening. " You told Stan you forgave him but being near him hurt too much.” Bill eyes go wide, he recalled. He cried that entire weekend. “Then suddenly you had some random girl in your lap, no regard to Stan's feelings.”

“He thinks by staying away he’s doing me a favor,” Bill realized closing his eyes in pain, of course he did. Bill thought he was helping them both to move on.

“I only know this because Mike slipped about him not being college a couple weeks ago,” Eddie admitted taking a seat next to Bill. Bill who looked so pale. “Mr. Uris wouldn’t let Stan pack anything, just kicked him out declaring he had no son to the entire neighborhood.” Bill now understood why Richie kept his distance. “Mike drove up to get him no questions asked.”

Bill got up; Eddie watched him go to his room. The door shut; Eddie felt his own heart break. Bill loved Stan, no one questioned that. It was just hard to put your trust in someone who had burned you so bad. He knew it wasn’t Stan, it had been the evil. But it wore Stan’s face, it took a part of Bill that he couldn’t get back. Bill hated that he couldn’t just let go. Hated that every time he thought of Stan he felt himself wanting to cry or throw up. he had given himself to Stan, and Stan didn't remember any of it. Stan couldn't remember the words they whispered to each other, the promises made. He didn't remember any of it.

Was Stan really into him or had it been the evil that had been inside of him. Had their kisses really been addictive like Stan told him once or was that the thing that wanted to divide them. So, Bill dated, and dated, and dated because he needed to feel that again. Only with each kiss it made him stomach turn. Every time Stan would brokenly say “she seems nice” Bill would die inside. Looking inside his drawer he found the photo of him and Stan. Bev took it junior year before everything crumbled to dust, before Richie saved them all. 

Bill knew he had a crush on Stan but figured it was normal. Stan with his curly hair that bounced everywhere, smokey blue eyes, and that knowing smile that just melted your heart. It wasn’t like Richie’s cocky grin that scream “I am so up to something” or Eddie’s sweet innocent smile that always made Bill grin back. Stan’s smile was different, his made Bill feel all warm inside. He just wanted to wrap himself in it. Bill hadn’t meant to hurt Stan as much as he apparently did. He hadn’t meant to abandon him. He just didn’t know how not to feel what he felt for Stan. He didn't know if he could take that leap, he didn't know how to trust him again.

XOXO

Stan smiled as he looked at his text from Richie, leave it to Richie to somehow know Stan was having a bad day. Stan was getting off of a double shift, which wouldn’t be bad, but it was his fourth double in a row. He wanted to say no, but he needed the money. As much as Mike liked having him around Mike’s roommate, Ryan did not. Even though Stanley was paying a third of the rent, and never said anything when Ryan was short on cash. He had paid an extra hundred the last two months, and bought him groceries the couple times he went to the store.

Growing up with someone like Henry Bowers had taught Mike and Stan just how cruel a human could be. Ryan wasn’t cruel he was just lazy. Stan spent his last day off cleaning because Ryan apparently didn’t understand how a dishwasher worked. Or a sponge or a rag, Stanley wasn’t even sure he had ever seen soap in general. He had peered into his room exactly once, never again will he ever tell Richie he lived like a pig. Not even Richie could live in that filth. Stan didn't understand why, he felt like there was a reason behind it.

It wasn’t like Stan had a lot of stuff either. When his father had been tossing out all his stuff, his mother and a few others had saved what they could. Richie’s parents were keeping the boxes of stuff until he could get down there. Stan had very little to his name. Richie had sent him money even after Stan told him no, but later Stan thanked him for it. The money had bought him some clothes at the local thrift store until he started to get a check. He had since bought a few more updated articles of clothing, and better shoes for his current job. He just wished he knew why Ryan didn’t like him.

“Tell me you have tomorrow off,” Mike laughed watching Stan fall onto the couch, Stan looking sad as he saw Mike’s textbooks. He wanted to be in college. 

“Nope,” Stanley groaned rubbing his eyes looking away from the books to the floor in front of him. “Did you clean?”

“My last class got cancelled,” Mike told him trying to sound normal but there was a strain in his voice.

“Need help,” Stan asked gently, laughing when Mike nodded defeated as Ryan stumbled out of his room. Stan rolled his eyes but held up a food container. “Fries.” Ryan gave him a dazed look as he took the container.

“I need your rent Ryan,” Mike stated annoyed, he’d been here almost four months, but it felt longer so much longer.

“Is it that time again,” Ryan grumbled not missing Mike disgusted face as he shoved a handful of fries into his mouth. Mike opened his mouth only to have Stan come between them.

“It’s due in four days Ryan,” Stan told him gently pointing to the calendar Stan had made. 

“That means Halloween is in three days,” Ryan sighed tilting his head to the side like he was thinking hard. Then looked at Stan with a smile. “I’ll drop the money off to you tomorrow, you work the mid-shift right.”

“He’s doing another double,” Mike hissed closing his textbook with a sharp look, Ryan looked at Stan who nodded.

“I’ll drop by around noon,” Ryan nodded walking back towards his room, Stan stopped Mike from getting up by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Stan do me a favor,” Mike asked letting out a ragged breath, Stan nodded as Mike looked up to him. “In the future if I ever complain about Richie, remind me of him.”

Stan laughed. He had tried to move a couple times various coworkers mentioning someone they knew looking for a roommate. Mike always got hurt, always told Stan he wanted him to stay. Ryan didn’t want him to leave, it was more about his old roommate. His old roommate who left to live with his girlfriend, and name was still tied to this place. They did not part on good terms. Mike almost thought of trying to get into the dorms, but he didn’t want to have to go back to Derry in the summer. Richie offered to let him stay with him, but honestly he didn’t want to. Not with the way Bill had been acting towards him. They had been close but things felt strained between them. 

Stan helped Mike with his math homework. Made them dinner, then cleaned up some more. Mike had tried he would give him that but it wasn’t Stan clean. As he was finishing up Mike let in two of Ryan’s friends. They weren’t big fans of Mike’s, but unlike Ryan they liked Stan being around. They smiled as Stan pushed a plate of small sandwiches towards them. If they were here they were going out, which means they’ll be back, and he would prefer them to have something in their stomach. Last time they got sick all over the kitchen, Ryan’s idea of cleaning it up was to put a towel over it until morning.

Mike rolled his eyes as he made his way towards his bedroom. They were off Ryan grabbing a sandwich on his way out, then going back for his key when Stan yelled out “KEY.” In the hallway you could hear the laughter, Ryan ran out thanking him. Stan locked the door, then decided to shower before going to bed. Mike was going out with a few of his new friends from the Fraternity he joined. Stan declined. It made him feel weird at times. The people he worked with were over 21. Besides he liked being alone, he just wished he had a room of his own.

XOXO

Shelly’s Seashore Grille was a great place. Most of the staff were college students with a few high schoolers mixed, Stan was in between them both. Ryan got him the interview before he was even down here. Stan knew Ryan told Shelly his story because his interview was two hours after he and Mike arrived in town. He was in one of Richie’s worn t-shirts and a pair of jeans that looked like they were about to fall apart. Shelly was a hard boss, but she wasn’t unfair. She gave him his uniform. She on the down-low gave him two extra shirts that he paid for out of his first check. Shelly never did that but she liked Stan right away.

Stan who picked up on everything like it was nothing. Stan who didn’t mind staying late to go over her paperwork because her now late husband has always done that. Stan who worked doubles when asked, never made a big deal about, never complaining or asking for favors. Stan had helped her hire someone to do her bookkeeping, had organized her office in a better system. Stan had been like an answered prayer she didn’t realize she was praying for. Looking up from prepping for a hopeful lunch rush, the place was dead today, Shelly gave him a nod to take his lunch as she saw Ryan walk in. At least it looked like he did laundry.

“How do you always look so…” Ryan motioning him up and down, knowing he’d been here since 6am. “Proper.”

“Slow day,” Stan told him holding out his hand smiling as Ryan shook his head. Ryan gave him a smile handing him the envelope, laughing at Stan's sharp look. “You do this to annoy him don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Ryan smirked sliding into the chair next to Stan watching Stan start to laugh. “Listen." Ryan sighed looking at Stan who looked so innocent, so young. "I can come off as cold sometimes, okay most of the time.” Ryan started looking up to see Shelly watching him carefully. “If I asked anyone to leave the apartment it would be Mike.”

“You said…” Stan reminded him confused.

“Mike had me all flustered and angry,” Ryan grumbled face crinkling up as he pictured him. Ryan looked over at Stan giving him a soft smile. “It was unfair to you to take out my anger of your boyfriend on you.”

“Mike isn’t my boyfriend,” Stan exclaimed eyes wide, Ryan could almost think Stan was a mix of insulted and disgusted by his expression.

Mike had taken Ryan’s sometimes coldness towards Stan as homophobia, which Ryan took angrily at the time. Like he had never said no bad thing about Stan or about his orientation. Ryan wouldn’t either. His little brother was gay, he knew how much of a struggle it was. Then added Stan's age and the obvious fact he was religious. He was nineteen, and had just been disowned by his own parents. Ryan was a jerk, but he wasn't homophobic or heartless. He wouldn't even as a joke, well maybe down the line but not right now. Right now Stan needed space, he needed to clear his head. Figure out what he was going to do. He literally had nothing. It was clear Stan had no clue what he wanted either. 

Mike just rubbed him the wrong way from day one. He came off as nice, but he just had this way about him. Like he knew so much more than Ryan did, despite Ryan being twenty-five and Mike being nineteen. Ryan had completed college. He might not be using his degree but that’s not Mike’s business. When he looked at Stan he saw a frightened scared boy who had no idea what to do. His entire life had been stolen from him. His dreams of going to college, his place in his church, in his community, his family—it was all gone. All because he was gay. 

That broke Ryan, because when he saw Stan he saw his baby brother. 

“He…you sleep in his room” Ryan fumbled his words like he was looking at some complex mathematical problem. “Your clothes…your everything is in his room...you...”

“You told me not to leave my clothes out in the living room,” Stan reminded him watching Ryan close his mouth than nod. “I sleep on a cot in his room on the nights you go out because Kyle never looks when he tosses things onto the couch.” Ryan’s face was unreadable. Stan rolls his eyes, of course Ryan didn't recall. “My black eye from last month was from him tossed his guitar on top of me.” Stan tilted his head trying to gage Ryan’s expression. “Does this change things.”

“What. No,” Ryan assured Stan, who looked scared right now. “It's just you two are very…touchy,” Ryan countered rolling his eyes as Stan laughed shaking his head.

“Oh,” Stan mumbled blushing slightly. “We are all like that.” Stan attempted as an explanation face smiling softly as Richie came to mind. “I mean us with our friends back home, we're all like that with each other.”

“You miss home,” Ryan asked curious by how relaxed Stan looked just now, he never looks this open. Stan was guarded, when he did open up Mike would call him over.

“Derry itself, nope,” Stan laughed as images of Derry came to mind. “My friends, Everyday.” Stan sighed thinking back to before he was about to leave for college. To that moment that ruined his entire future. “I miss my best friend.”

“Mike mentioned you went through a bad breakup,” Ryan admitted smiling as Shelly brought out Stan’s food giving them a smile.

Stan wanted to know what Ryan’s sudden interest was, but it wasn’t exactly sudden. The moment he walked into the apartment Ryan had tried to talk to him. He mentioned having a brother about the same age as Mike and Stan. Mike had gone into super protective mode. He had been there only two weeks, but it was long enough for Mike to know he didn’t like Ryan. Ryan with his long greasy hair, bad hygiene, loud friends, and wild party life. He was always late with the rent, sometimes short. But Stan would say he always made up for it.

Mike did not like him, and did not want him around. Mike had found a group that he mixed with. A band of guys from the team, a few from his Fraternity, and just a few that were drawn to him. Stan still didn't know why he picked the college he did but Mike loved it. The frat wanted him to move in there, but that wouldn’t be allowed until second semester. Mike had said no, because of Stan. Mike swore it wasn’t, but Stan knew it was. Stan had demanded if he gets offered a room he was taking it. Stan at this point didn’t know if he was staying in Florida long term. He didn't want Mike giving up stuff for him. 

Stan didn’t know where he was headed, and that scared him to his core. At this point he didn’t even know if he was going to get to go to college anytime soon. Mike had told him about a few community colleges. He looked into them after six months he would be a resident here. There were grants and loans, but that all made his head hurt. His father had laid out his whole life for him, and now here he was nineteen and he had no idea what he wanted to do. Right now he was trying to save money, trying to keep himself afloat while not crumbling each time Richie begged him to come to California.

“It was my fault,” Stan mumbled pushing his plate away. Ryan looked at him curiously. Stan took a deep breath, his stomach was turning sour. “I cheated.”

“You,” Ryan laughed disbelieving then straightened his face as Stan looked devastated. “We all make mistakes.” Ryan told him thinking of the many he had made. “We get ourselves into bad situations, trust the wrong person. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person, or that you deserve to be punished.” Stan nodded looking down to his hand, to the scar that connected them all. “You are nineteen, it’s okay to be a little lost.”

“My dad had everything planned out,” Stan exclaimed as Ryan pushed his food towards him. “University of Maine studying theology with a minor in history.” Ryan looked at him sympathetically, he understood parental pressure. “I would get my P.H.D at Harvard.” Stan looked at Ryan who felt this had been said to Stan over and over again all his life.

“No plans after Harvard,” Ryan joked stealing one of Stan's fries.

“My dad had my entire life planned out,” Stan sighed inhaling then exhaling a deep breath to calm himself. “Even my death plot.” Ryan chocked a little, Stan laughed handing him some water. “The only decision I ever made by myself ended up with me cheating on my boyfriend who was perfect with the boy I was actually in love with.”

Stanley had never admitted that out loud to anyone that wasn’t a Loser. Richie had held him so many times as he made himself sick over what he did. Had soothe him as he cried over Bill every time he saw him with someone new. Eddie had held his hand when Bill turned him down for senior prom. Eddie who had forgiven him completely, hugged him telling him it would be okay. Mike had agreed to go with him, but Stan said no until Richie made him say yes. Bill had acted hurt that Stan wasn’t going. Stan went, only to leave early, he forced Mike to stay. Richie and Eddie left with him, Eddie blamed his mother, Stan faked a bad stomach.

On the floor of Richie’s room the three ate pizza, while watching a stupid movies to make Stan forget his broken heart. Like he would ever forget Bill, or would want to. Bill who he loved but ruined. He knew Bill didn’t blame him, he knew it was just hard to trust again. Even though Stan didn’t make the decisions on his own, it was his face that evil used. Part of Stan wondered if maybe it was a part of him. The part that hated how popular Richie was without trying. The part that hated how everyone worried about Eddie. How Bill was always looked to, he was always their leader, untouchable. Stan well Stan was just the Jewish kid that told them they were being stupid and to think about the consequences.

Stan wished he could be more like Richie. He could just not care and walk down the hallway like everyone should be lucky enough to be graced by his presence. Or maybe Mike. Mike had made new friends within days of being here. He was liked by all the frat guys, and the coach was already talking about his future in pro football. Eddie had told him how hard it was in California. He had Bev always mothering him, Richie censoring everything, Bill trying to make sure no one hurt him. And Ben well Ben was just trying to make it through his classes. Eddie was about to snap, and Stan was with him.

“You need to relax,” Ryan told him gently. “You don’t have to have your entire life planned out. You are nineteen years old.” Ryan had just had this conversation with his brother yesterday. “There is no law that states you have to have it all figured out at high school graduation.” Stan laughed softly. “I spent years of my life studying coding, my dad paid a lot of money for a degree I hate.” Stan looked up disbelieving.

“You can barely work our microwave,” Stan stated neither missing Shelly’s laugh across the bar. 

“The point is,” Ryan snapped shooting a glare at Shelly. “There’s no harm in taking a year off of school and figuring out who Stanley Uris is.” Stan shrugged, that did make sense.. “Of course, that would involve you actually leaving the apartment.” Stan shot him a death glare, which made Ryan laugh. “Maybe message that boy who you stalk every night.” Stan blushed looking away, he didn't know anyone saw him checking up on Bill via social media.

"I'll start leaving on my days off when you learn to clean," Stan countered smiling at Shelly who was laughing again.

Stan finished his shift watched as Mike yelled and slammed his book down when he saw Ryan had given him his part of rent in all fives and ones. Mike had told him to stop this, had demanded he get a checking account or something. Stan watched amused as Mike stomped through the apartment in a fit of annoyance and irritation. He didn’t care that Ryan had paid extra this month he didn’t care he was earlier than normal. Usually he gave it to Stan an hour before Mike was going to get the money order. Mike didn’t care, he wanted to strangle Ryan. 

Stan looked around someone had cleaned. Walking down the hallway the normal odor was gone, he peeked inside Ryan’s open door to find a clean room. He didn’t realize Ryan had carpet, never seen it not covered in clothes and filthy towels. The towels were washed, the place had been vacuumed. Mike thought Stan had done it, Stan gave him a sharp glare. Mike than recalled he had opened at work. The place looked nice, like Stan had never seen it look or smell this nice. 

Ryan had cleaned.

XOXO

Richie laughed as he listened to Stan talk about his Halloween adventure. Stan had gone out with Ryan’s brother, Eli, as they were the same age. Nothing romantic, Mike kept making jokes. Eli was basically Ryan, but gay and showered. They were both into the same music, they dressed similar, honestly it was freaky how much they looked alike. The night had started our normal. Then Eli pushed Stan into a thrift store to put together something cheap because as Eli declared it was Halloween. Luckily Eli seemed to be good at putting things together, and they stopped at Dollar General for fake vampire teeth. 

Richie had laughed at the ridiculous photos that Stan sent. Richie was also sad. He was happy that Stan had a good night but his heart was sad. If he was miserable than over Christmas break Richie was going to Florida and taking him back to California. He didn't care if he had to fight Mike or not, but now he had a friend. Richie fell back looking to the side, Eddie wasn’t talking to him. They all got invited to a party, and Bev had hurt Eddie’s feelings. She had only meant it as a joke, but Eddie left. He wasn’t talking to anyone, not him, not Bill, not even Ben who wasn't around at the time. 

Bev had picked out cheap costumes since they all were on a budget. While she got everyone something sexy as a joke, she got him a fluffy bunny costume. Everyone laughed, everyone except Eddie who looked betrayed. Richie asked what was wrong when he saw his expressions. Eddie than snapped for them to find someone else to drive them around. He then stormed out slamming the door. He refused to stop when Richie started to yell for him. He wasn’t there to leave for the party, he wasn’t there when they got back, and now two days after Halloween he still wasn’t talking to any of them. 

Richie didn’t like this.

“Hey,” Richie greeted softly as he came up to Eddie on the beach. Eddie just looked up at him, the last time he looked this broken was when Richie faked being sick to get out of hang out with him. “Stan had a good Halloween.”

“That makes one of us,” Eddie grumbled looking back out to the ocean.

“I don’t know what I did,” Richie confessed going to sit down next to him. “Do you not like bunnies anymore?”

“I am tired of everyone treating me like I am going to fall apart,” Eddie snapped turning to look at Richie. “I am not fragile or delicate or weak!”

“I never thought you were,” Richie whispered unclear of where this was coming from. Eddie’s face softened, Richie felt worse, he was crying. “Eds don’t cry. Just tell me how to fix this.” 

“Do you find me attractive,” Eddie asked wiping his tears away. 

Eddie had been thinking about this a lot the past two days. He had gone to find Richie at the party to see two very hot guys following every word he was saying. They were tall, blond, tanned, and Richie was clearly the guy they wanted. Eddie looked down at himself and realized he was pathetic compared to them. He walked out and walked on the beach for hours unable to decide what to do. He thought about all the guys who tossed themselves at Richie. All the guys who didn’t care if Richie was holding Eddie’s hand or not, they just didn’t stop. Eddie was stupid.

He and Richie were always connected, it was like no matter what they were meant to be. But that didn’t mean that he looked at Eddie with the same desire that Eddie looked at him with. Was that why he wouldn’t take things to the next level. Eddie had pleaded, had begged, but Richie was firmly against it. He thought it would change when they got here but it hadn’t. Instead he uses words like cute and adorable with Eddie, while telling Ben his new short are hot. Or the boy in his second class on Tuesday is a walking dream. Eddie got cute. Eddie got sweet. Eddie isn’t what Richie really desires sexually.

“Eddie,” Richie tried softly.

Richie watched as Eddie ran off faster than he had ever seen him run before. Watched him ran past Bev who was yelling his name, watched as he felt his own heart break into a million pieces. Richie didn’t know where this was coming from. Was it about the Bunny costume? Maybe instead of making a joke about it Bev should have explained she bought all the costumes that were left. The only other one was a pirates costume. She assumed Eddie would prefer the Bunny since she got Richie a sexy doctor one but it could easily be played off as a veterinarian one.

Standing up Richie was dazed. Bill had mentioned that Eddie was getting upset at how Bev treats him like he’s a small child. She was taking the place of his mother, she was becoming his mother. Asking him about his vitamins, if he had his inhaler, to check his food due to his allergies. When they all went diving she wondered if maybe it was too high for Eddie. It had been Bill who said it wasn’t even half as high as the cliff back home. Richie put his hand up to stop her as she started to go after him, he needed to handle Eddie first. Then Richie would deal with his sister. She wasn’t doing it on purpose, she thought she was helping. She didn’t want him to leave or feel unwanted. 

Walking inside Eddie's apartment Ben and Bill gave him a weird look as their eyes went from Eddie's door to him. Eddie had ran in crying, slammed his door before either of them got his name out. Richie didn’t need to say anything they grabbed their stuff claiming they’d go see Bev about dinner. Richie shut the door, he needed to remain calm. He needed to keep reminding himself to keep a clear open mind. He just didn’t know what was going on in Eddie’s mind that would make him think Richie wasn’t attracted to him. He was always touching him, always telling him how amazing he looked. Anyone with eyes saw how much he wanted Eddie at any given moment. How did Eddie miss it?

"Go away," Eddie yelled as he knocked on Eddie's door softly, reminding himself they were in an apartment building. He needed to remain calm so he tried again. "I said go away Bill." Eddie obviously didn't care.

"It's not Bill," Richie snapped opening the door to see Eddie tossing clothes on his bed, and his duffle bag out. "What are you doing?" Eddie looked at him brokenly, a little shame hitting his eyes. "You're not going back to Derry."

"I'm going to see Stan," Eddie mumbled wiping his tears away, he needed space.

"Are you breaking up with me," Richie asked brokenly, his blue eyes going wide, Eddie turned to him feeling like someone had punch him.

"You don't want me," Eddie said, he refused to be the safe choice. He refused to be his father.

"Because I thought you would look cute in a bunny costume," Richie yelled confused.

"That," Eddie cried falling on his bed. Richie waited for more, but nothing came. He was so confused as to what was going on right now.

"Eddie I love you," Richie told him falling to his knees, watching Eddie look up at him. "But I don't understand what is happening here." Richie put his hands on Eddie's legs moving between them. "I need you to talk to me because I can't fix this if I don't know what I did."

Richie would not lose Eddie, they could fix whatever was going on. If it was the bunny thing he'd talk with Bev, tell her to knock it off. He was going to talk with her anyways. He just needed Eddie to talk to him. He wasn't used to living in a place where people didn't talk about everything. He grew up in a household that over talked every little detail of everyday. Even now, he knew Ben thought it was nuts but it was how he and Bev were raised. You talked about everything. Communication was key, communication was everything. Part of Richie died when he heard that in his mother's voice. Somehow they had seeped into his head.

Something was wrong, something had been wrong with Eddie since after the prom, since he came back from Mexico. He knew Eddie didn't mind leaving the prom early, the tux his mom picked was itchy. Mike had offered to come with but Stan made him stay. So the three of them went back to Richie's room, and Eddie seemed fine. Then he went to Mexico with his family and came back, and Eddie seemed different--distant. Like something had happened in those few weeks that he had been away. Eddie said everything was okay but Richie could see it in his eyes. Bill told him he was worrying too much, Eddie was just sad about the situation with mother.

Richie wanted to yell at Sonia. He wanted to scream and demand that she lived up to all the so called love she claimed she had for her Eddie-Bear. Eddie had confessed he knew his father never loved her, not like you should love someone you promise your life to. Frank married Sonia because she was safe, she held no risk to him at all. Frank stayed because she got pregnant. Sometimes he wondered if his death was the mysterious accident everyone talks about or if maybe?? Richie always stopped him, tells him that Frank may not have love Sonia but he loved his son. Leaning his head down on Eddie's leg Richie felt out of control. He didn't know how to handle a situation without talking. He was called Trashmouth for a reason.

"Did you have sex with Henry Bower's cousin?" Eddie asked weakly, almost like his voice was someone else's. 

"What?" Richie asked looking up at him. Eddie looked so pale, like he could be sick any second. His face seconds from losing it again. "No."

"He told me you did," Eddie whispered feeling his stomach twist into knots.

"He kissed me once and I punched him," Richie admitted ashamed, Eddie saw Richie look away then back at him. "Henry saw him kiss me, then saw me punch him...Henry then jumped him once he got back to his place." Richie stopped feeling ill. "That's why his mom sent him to live with his dad." Eddie nodded watching Richie's face soften as he looked up at Eddie again. "Is that why you been acting so weird since I got back from Mexico?"

"I just wanted to know what's wrong with me," Eddie explained pushing Richie away so he could walk towards his dresser. Richie grabbed his wrist. "Don't say there's not. You had no problem sleeping with whoever else you fucked, and Stan slept with Bill twice but neither of you wanted me like that."

"Who said I had sex with anyone," Richie asked confused because he never did. Then it hit him a faded memory...oh he did. "I was jealous that you were with Stan, I wasn't serious." Richie pleaded with him, needing him to know. "I've never...Eddie you have always been it for me. Always."

"Then why do you keep stopping," Eddie demanded watching Richie looked confused. " The moment I mention sex you suddenly need a drink, or there's someone at the door or Bev is calling your name," Richie opened his mouth. "Bev and Ben were having sex in his room so don't even try to lie."

Richie did not need to know what Bev and Ben did when they came here. Sometimes it was hard for Eddie and the others to remember she was not the same to him. She was his "twin" sister in every way that mattered. Their birthday was the last Saturday in February since their first birthday party together. They wore matching outfits, Bev picked the cake, Richie made their friends play stupid games. That wasn't changing here, no it was their thing. No one here knew Bev was adopted, everyone looked at them and thought they were biologically siblings. Bev loved that, no one knew her story or heard the rumors. 

He never saw her as sexy, he never wanted to sleep with her. It was never about him being gay, it was just like they were meant to be siblings. She laughed at his jokes, she never back down, she was tough and curious and beautiful. She took all the pain the world gave her, and she gave it right back. Bev was like their mom, but none of them seem to understand this. They assumed because Bev wasn't blood, that he saw her differently than Victoria. If anything sometimes he felt closer to her than to Victoria. She was his sister by a bond that was thicker and stronger than blood. 

"I didn't need to know that." Richie cringed, Eddie rolled his eyes trying not to laugh.

"It's clear you aren't sexually attracted to me," Eddie pouted falling back on his bed. Richie didn't know where this was coming from. Had that costume really done all this.

"You want to have sex," Richie asked confused, Eddie gave him a weird stunned look. "You told me sex was gross, unsanitary, and there was no logical reason for it given our scientific advancement in human fertilization."

"I was fifteen," Eddie yelled shocked Richie recalled that but couldn't remember Eddie hated raw onions. "Secretly in love with you." Eddie added watching Richie open his mouth. "Trying to hid the fact watching you get all sweaty playing basketball with my best friend was turning me on."

"So you are telling me that I have been..." Richie stopped, he wanted to try to use a nicer term but came up with none. "Cock-blocking myself." Eddie couldn't help it he finally laughed then nodded. "Are you serious!"

"I tried to tell you multiple times," Eddie reminded him watching Richie fall down next to him on the bed shocked.

"I thought you were doing it for me," Richie admitted softly, he never wanted Eddie to do anything because he thought Richie wanted him to. "So you are telling me we could have been having sex for like months now."

"Richie," Eddie sighed turned to him. He stood up climbing into his lap so his knees were on the side of Richie. "I planned to seduce you after prom, But Bill had to go and make out with the blond cheerleader for everyone to see." Richie looked at him all confused. "That's why Stan kept saying he ruined my night. There was no after party at the hotel." Richie let out a soft painful sound, it was all making sense now. "Stan assumed my house freaked you out, and your mom likes to pop in every ten minutes." Richie nodded still reeling from the fact he had been missing out on sex with Eddie. "So Stan helped me reserve a room...."

"We need to talk more," Richie grumbled his head falling forward.

Eddie laughed leaning forward to kiss the top of Richie's messy black mop of hair that always felt so nice between his fingers. Eddie hadn't cared that Richie had been with other people, they weren't together at the time. Plus if Stan had offered he would have at least considered sleeping with him. They would have at least done more than just kissing, but Stan never did. Stan barely kissed him. It was more of the fact that Richie seemed like he was hiding it from Eddie. That every time Eddie brought up sex or going farther he looked disgusted. Now Eddie was realizing it was Richie trying to be respectful of Eddie. Of course he would have known better if Richie had just asked. Or at the very least had one of the conversations Eddie tried to have with him on the subject.

Tilting Richie's face up Eddie connected their lips, he needed to kiss him. His hand gripping a handful of hair Richie moaned freely like he hadn't before as Eddie opened himself up to Richie. Eddie gasped as Richie flipped Eddie onto his back. Eddie gasp as Richie moved his mouth to that spot he found a few weeks ago on his jaw below his ear. Richie moaned as Eddie arched into him giving his hair just a little tug. Richie loved having his hair tugged at, loved when Eddie would move him where he wanted him. Richie moaned as Eddie pulled Richie's mouth back to his.

Rolling them over Eddie was now on top, Eddie knew how much Richie loved this position. Richie gasp as his hand moved to Eddie's hips trying to still them as Eddie had been rocking back and forth. Eddie moved his mouth to Richie's neck attacking a spot there that would be seen by anyone who looked. Normally Richie would stop him at this point, but not right now. Richie wanted Eddie to mark him as much as Eddie felt the need to mark him. Richie cried out "Eddie" as teeth sank into tender flesh as Richie arched into Eddie's body as his orgasm hit him suddenly. Richie had not been aware he had been so close. Eddie was still moving above him, his mouth working another mark into his light ivory skin. Richie opened his eyes just in time to see Eddie lose himself, and if he hadn't already come he would have in that moment.

"We're all sticky now," Richie mumbled rolling them over moving Eddie's hair out of his way, so his blue eyes could meet Eddie's brown eyes.

"Luckily for us I won the bedroom with the ensuite," Eddie giggled feeling like he was floating.

"You are really okay with this," Richie asked looking down at their ruined sweatpants.

"Richie I have been wanting to have sex with you since before I fully understood what sex was," Eddie confessed watching Richie face break out into a grin. "But next time we do it naked." Eddie face crinkled as his pants were quickly turning cold and squishy.

"Before next time we need to have a serious conversation about this," Richie sighed then also gave a weird face. "But first we shower, then I want a nap and a cheeseburger."

"I love you," Eddie giggled as Richie climbed off him, then offered him his hand.

"I love you too my Eddie Spaghetti," Richie smiled pulling Eddie towards him, then towards the bathroom.

Their shower wasn't long, they climbed in and got clean. They quickly toss on some clothing after Eddie tossed their dirty clothes in his hamper to wash later. As Eddie placed himself next to Richie, Richie felt himself relax. They needed to talk, like a really long conversation. He was hating that his parents were in his head, but no one could say they didn't have a good marriage. They were still stupid in love with each other. Like dance in the rain, flowers because I saw your favorites in the window, call you just to say I love you kind of love. Conor had admitted that their kind of love doesn't happen to most people. If he had not met Wentworth and Maggie he would believe it existed.

Richie had them and Conor in his head, always. They'd go get lunch, they'd go to the beach because Eddie loved just sitting on the beach. There they would talk, like really talk about sex, and about their relationship. They needed to be on the same page, and clearly they were not on the same page. That kind of hurt Richie because he thought they were. Richie smiled as Eddie flung his body half on top of Richie as he snuggled in. His eyes going to the duffel bag; was Eddie still going to go see Stan? Looking down he saw Eddie look up at him, his brown eyes all dazed and misty. Eddie was falling asleep, he loved how Eddie look all sleepy. 

"I'm not going anywhere," Eddie mumbled into Richie's chest, almost like he was trying to meld their bodies into one.

"Just so you know," Richie whispered into Eddie's hair. "I would have totally had sex with you in that bunny costume." Richie laughed as Eddie started to giggle uncontrollably.

TBC


	2. Unhealthy Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Stan both cope; Stan copes by unhealthy means while Eddie copes by denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You Jacey, my lovely beta reader!

Future Unknown: Unhealthy Truths 

Mike looked at the clock glaring at the time, it was close to midnight. Stan should have been home hours ago. Mike did not like this, not at all. He wanted Stan to get out of the apartment, take his coworkers up on hanging out. A few of them knew a few places that allowed minors if they wore a wrist band. They had begged him to come out, just for an hour or two. He always declined. Mike knew that after his parents he was apprehensive about letting people in. He was scared they would look at him with the same hate and disgust his father did all those months ago. 

What Mike did not want was this. Stan for some unknown reason was hanging out with Ryan, their roommate, their disgusting, rude, obnoxious roommate. It started on Halloween with Ryan’s brother Eli taking him out to show him the gay scene in Florida. It ended with Stan coming home at 7am, well above tipsy. Stan then went into a giggling fit with Eli as Mike demanded to know where he had been all night. Ryan and Kyle sat on the couch laughing at the two minors also coming down from their night out. Ryan took Eli into his room to sleep it off while Mike drug Stan to his room. 

All that could be heard was Mike lecturing Stan on how irresponsible he was being. Going on and on about laws, while Stan was still laughing. Mike assumed Ryan and Kyle got a kick out of this scene. Watching Stan come home a complete mess. Since then Stan had been going out with Ryan on a regular basis. Meeting new people Stan had said, trying out new things Stan had said. Mike didn’t like the road that Stan had started on. It was after midnight and he wasn’t home. Stan worked the open shift the next day.

“You still up,” Ryan grumbled rubbing his eyes going to the kitchen, Mike turned his head fast. How was he home, but Stan wasn’t? When did he get home?

“When did you get home,” Mike asked worried, if Stan wasn’t out with Ryan who was he with. 

“I don’t know like around nine,” Ryan yawned grabbing himself a bottle of water.

“Stan isn’t home yet,” Mike told him going for his phone to see still no message from him. Was Stan ignoring him?

“Dude you need to relax,” Ryan laughed leaning against the counter. He rolled his eyes as Mike shot him a glare. “Hovering over him isn’t helping.” Mike opened his mouth to have Ryan cut him off. “He doesn’t need a parent right now he needs a friend.”

“Spend a couple weeks with him and you think you know him,” Mike snapped standing up angry. “I know Stan, we’ve been through more together than you could ever comprehend.”

“I know that he’s working a benefit concert tonight,” Ryan sighed putting his water bottle down. “Shelly had him switch shifts with Maggie because she wanted someone she trusted to handle the money at the door.” Mike frowned. “I know he spent yesterday with Kyle taking pictures of the beach. Kyle said something about migration.” Mike face crinkled in frustration. “I know he spends almost every night on that couch looking at some old photo on his phone.” Ryan was now standing in front of Mike. 

Mike knew he missed Bill, he knew he missed Richie and everyone else. He sat in front of Stan as Richie freaked out on the phone about Eddie. Mike couldn’t make out most of the words, but Stan was blushing and laughing. He kept putting his hand over his mouth as Richie apparently kept freaking out. Mike was happy for Richie and Eddie. The idea of them not being together was weird, unnatural. When Stan told him that Eddie had considered leaving to come down here Mike was thrown. Of course, it was because they weren’t communicating. 

Was Mike doing that? Richie had assumed he knew Eddie well enough to know what he liked and what he didn’t like. He had assumed Eddie knew how deep his feelings, his attraction for Eddie went. Had Mike just been assuming that Stan knew he was here for him. That all he wanted was for Stan to know he had someone he could always count on. Had Mike been doing the opposite of what he had ultimately intended. Had Mike made Stan feel like he couldn’t come to him. He knew Stan felt lost right now, he felt out of control. Mike had hoped he was helping to ground him, but maybe he wasn’t.

Richie was still pushing for Stan to come to California. Mike knew that Bill was feeling the pressure, Eddie had not been quiet on his blame. Ben was even starting to tell Bill that he needed to talk to Stan. They needed to have a real conversation, not just “it wasn’t you” or “I forgive you lets move on.” Bill not only needed to come to terms with the hurt he was feeling, but he needed to voice it. Bill and Stan needed to talk about what had happened between them. Mike knew it haunted Bill as much as it haunted Stan. Stan could not remember most to anything of his times with Bill. 

They both looked up as Stan walked in.

“How was your night,” Ryan asked taking his eyes off Mike to look at Stan. Stan who could feel more than see the tension in the room.

“It was crazy,” Stan laughed moving past Mike to hand Ryan a takeout box.

“You are an angel sent from heaven,” Ryan grinned taking then happily opened it grinning at the fries.

“Missy was the cook so don’t thank me too much,” Stan smiled turning to look at Mike who still looked annoyed, then back to Ryan. “Everything going okay?”

“Richie wanted me to ask again,” Mike sighed looking towards Ryan who was shoveling cold fries into his mouth. Mike couldn’t stop the disgusted look on his face. “About coming to Thanksgiving.”

“I talked to Richie today,” Stan smiled softly but Mike knew what was coming. “Everyone is going home at work but like three people.” Mike nodded, that did make sense. “Shelley is going to let me have New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day off.”

“Man,” Ryan laughed shaking his head in surprise. "Shelly really likes you."

“I don’t want to leave you alone on Thanksgiving,” Mike stated eying Ryan.

“Mike," Stan smiled gently walking towards him "I am working doubles Wednesday to Saturday,” Stan explained hoping he didn’t see how much he was hurting. “Sunday I plan to just sleep until I go in at 3." Ryan made a mental note to make sure he was up. "Monday is my day off.” Mike nodded still not liking it. “When you get back Monday we’ll have dinner and you can tell me everything.”

Mike knew this was an act, knew he was hiding, but what could he do. This was no longer about Stan not wanting to hurt Bill, it was about his job. Mike nodded giving him a smile, what else could he do.

XOXO

Stan didn’t know how he ended up like, well maybe he did. He just wanted to feel something, he wanted to feel more than just the pain he felt every day since July. So, he went out with Eli on Halloween, let him dress him up as a vampire. Stan had to admit he looked good after Eli was done with him. They went to one party that led to another party that led to another, that led to some bonfire on the beach. Eli held his hand as he drug him around. Told Stan when to drink, when to not, when to dance, when they were leaving. He liked it. Stan liked not having to worry about right or wrong, he liked the music and the people around him. For the first time in almost a year Stan felt good, like really good.

Then he stumbled into his apartment with Eli both trying to be quiet but failing as Mike was there to chew him out. Stan knew he looked a mess. Eli’s body paint was smeared on him from their dancing, god he could only imagine what his face looked like. Ryan and Kyle sat on the couch laughing as Stan and Eli mimicked Mike. Before Mike lost it Ryan led Eli to his room telling him he could take a nap here. Ryan called their parents and covered for him. Lied about Eli falling asleep watching horror films with Stan. Stan who they liked. He looked respectable, trustworthy something their sons were not.

Stan got tired of hearing Mike lecture, so he stumbled to the bathroom, claiming he needed a shower. He wasn’t lying, he felt gross. He had body paint and dried liquid latex rubbed all over his skin. The smell of several different types of smoke clung to his clothes, skin, and hair. His face makeup was smudged, he looked wrecked. How did Bev do this every day. What he had not expected was to run into Kyle in the bathroom. Kyle who was mostly naked, about to shower as well. Kyle who ten minutes later had him in the shower on his knees showing Stan another way to feel more than he had in a year. 

He knew if Mike ever found out about this he would be disappointed. Not in Stan, no he’d never look down on Stan but in himself. For not being the friend Stan needed when he needed him. The only two people he could think of talking to were Eddie and Richie. Eddie was out. He was Stan’s ex after all, and Stan felt like it was putting Eddie in a weird position. Richie would be happy to talk to him, he would not judge Stan for this. But Richie hated keeping things from Eddie. It ate him up knowing he was keeping something him, and Stan hated that. So, he said nothing, and despite that he felt great. He felt alive. 

In the backseat of Kyle’s car, with Kyle’s hands under his shirt, his mouth on Stan's mouth as they both chased their high. Rocking his body faster, Kyle moaned into his mouth as Stan tugged his hair just a little too harshly. The feel of Stan's tight wet heat moving up and down his cock was overwhelming. Stan moved harder against him, faster, until Kyle was coming Stan swallowing his cries as he didn't stop. This was a sight to behold. Stan just losing himself fucking himself on Kyle's cock until he soon followed. Stan was beautiful.

Stan was learning fast, and Kyle loved everything about having sex with him. He hadn't expected Stan to actually shut the door when he offered to share the shower. Stan on his knee was probably his favorite, well besides him naked on his back taking what Kyle gave him so willingly. He loved sex with Stan. From the sexy little sounds he made, to the blushes he got when Kyle got him to try something new or risky. Like car sex, or last week when Stan sucked him off in the bathroom of the bar he snuck him into. His favorite might be the way Stan lost all sense of everything at the end. When he just gave himself over to the pleasure of what they were doing. Kyle loved the way he was wrecking him.

"Ryan is right," Kyle laughed titling his head looking at Stan coming from the public restroom now cleaned up and redressed. "It's impossible for you to not look proper."

"I'm a mess," Stan groaned looking at himself in the rear-view mirror. "Missy going to know." Stan knew this was a bad idea but god it felt good at the time. "Then she'll tell Tess who will tell John who just happens to be Mike's frat brother."

"Why would Missy care if you spent your lunch break having sex," Kyle asked curious, both Stan and Ryan didn't like her.

"You have met her right," Stan asked watching Kyle shake his head no. "Missy is a forty-seven year old bitter three times divorced woman who isn't happy unless everyone around her is miserable." Kyle frowned, he had imaged Missy as some twenty-something gossip queen.

"Stan I am serious," Kyle told him looking him up and down, how did he look this...good. "How do you look so composed right now." Kyle needed to know, he had to know. "I literally had my dick in your ass like fifteen minutes ago."

"My father is a rabbi," Stan told him with a smirk as he got in Kyle's car.

Kyle didn't know how that was meant to be an answer but he took it. Stan got back to work with just a few minutes to spare. Missy of course watching her watch as he clocked back in giving him a dirty look. He smiled at Tess as he made his way back to his area. Tess asked about his lunch, and he shrugged saying roommate business. Tess was friends with Eli so she knew how Ryan could be. Tess was also dating John who was a freshman with Mike. So Stan never told her anything he didn't want Mike to know. 

Mike sent him a text that he arrived in California alright. Stan smile faded as a photo with Richie and Eddie grace his screen. He really did miss them but he couldn't leave Shelly, not after all she had done for him. She was one of the only places open on Thanksgiving. She didn't have their normal menu open though, no Shelly came in and cooked a select menu. But it was a tradition here. People who didn't have families or a place to go could come here and not be alone. According to everyone who had ever worked the day, the place gets busy, like insanely busy. The tips are never great but to Stan that wasn't important. He wouldn't be alone.

This would be his first holiday since he got disowned. No one in his family had contacted him, not one single person. He thought one might just to see if he was alive but nope. There was no contact. To them he was dead now, a forgotten bad memory, a disgrace swept under the rug. Growing up had been hard. Once he realized he was gay, once he started experimenting, he learned how to clean himself up fast and quick. His father looked at masturbation as dirty, and had that to Stan since before he knew what it was. The act wasn't something that a good Jewish person would indulge in, it was allowing sin into your life. 

Maybe that's where he went wrong?

XOXO

Eddie knew that Richie was sad. He had been hoping that Stan would change his mind and come to California for Thanksgiving. Eddie had watched with a frown as Stan explained to Richie it wasn’t about Bill anymore, it was about his job. Most of the staff were college students who were going home for the holiday. None of them cared about keeping a job, but Stan needed this job. Mike was moving into the Fraternity come January, and he would like to have a good amount in his savings. Ryan wasn’t always known for making the full rent on time. Plus he felt he owed Shelly, she had been so good to him.

Richie understood his reasons. Stan had confessed to everyone weeks ago he wasn’t in college, explained why he kept it from everyone. They all understood. Though he never said it, he was embarrassed, ashamed. As Mike walked in gasping at their view, Richie tried to be overly excited. Richie was going down after Christmas for a few days. Ben and Eddie were staying in California for Christmas. Ben’s parents were on a year long trip in Asia, and Eddie wasn’t ready to face his mother. Richie was scared what his mother might do if he didn’t come home. Maggie was slightly upset over Thanksgiving, though she claimed she understood. At her core she was still their mother. 

Conor had confirmed she missed him and Bev deeply. She missed the loudness that was Richie. She missed how she and Bev would watching movies all Sunday night while eating ice cream. She missed the house being full of teenagers. Bev wanted Ben to come with her, but he declined. He made some excuse, but they all knew it was because of Eddie. He didn’t want Eddie to be all alone. Eddie was staying in Richie and Bev’s apartment, and Ben would remain in theirs. It made perfect sense. Bev and Bill would be returning the 27th, but Richie was driving back down with Mike to see Stan. He would than fly back to California on the second of January. It was perfect--almost.

“Where’s Bill,” Mike asked sitting down in a patio chair, god he wished his apartment was this nice.

“He drove his girlfriend to the airport,” Bev explained sitting on Ben’s lap, everyone waiting to judge Mike’s expression. Mike gave them nothing.

“How is Florida,” Ben asked eager to know, Bev smiled down at him. “Stan has been posting some incredible photos this last month.”

“Photography seems to be a new hobby,” Mike explained thinking about their last outing. He had spent a good portion of the time taking photos of everything. “Our roommate’s best friend Kyle, introduced him to it.”

“He seems to be good at it,” Eddie grinned thinking of the set he did of the waves hitting the cliff last week. 

“He told me he wasn’t looking into college,” Ben frowned watching Mike nod, his face stiff with displeasure.

“That would be Ryan's influence,” Mike grumbled unable to stop himself. “Ryan convinced him to wait on college." Mike let out a deep breath trying to remain calm. "Instead he work 50 plus hours for barely any money at a local dive.” Richie looked at Mike, he was beginning to see maybe why Stan had started to call less. Why he sounded so distant. “He’s going to concerts, sneaking into bars, staying out until seven am…”

Richie listened as Mike went on about Stan’s recent activities, and he wondered if maybe Stan thought he would judge him. Richie understood where Stan was at right now in his life. Richie's sister was perfect. Victoria was extremely judgmental and always excelled at everything she did. So, Richie had to excel too. Not because his parents expected it but because she expected him to fail. The one time he didn’t beat her she went on for two weeks on how she easily scored higher than he did. Richie aced every test, he won every prize, he walked in that school like he owned it. He wasn’t going to let anyone especially not one of his sisters tell him he wasn’t good enough. 

Victoria like to remind him she had him beat. She was in law school with one of the biggest law firms interested in her. She planned to say no, but she was better. 

Bev was like that too because of Victoria. They would battle it out in all thing not academic. No one understood what it was like to have two sisters who were always trying to outdo him. If he scored 1000 at the arcade Bev would try for 1001. If he won at some random game with The Losers, Bev would come in and try to win two in a row. When he made muffins out of the blue, Bev made twenty-four perfect cupcakes. It was like no matter what he did he was always fighting. Most of the time he loved it, he lived for it. They kept him on guard, they made him better. But sometimes he just wanted to do something just to do it. It was a lot of pressure to have to always be the best.

It didn’t help that Stan was also several time zones over either. You wouldn’t think three hours wouldn't make a big difference it does. Stan was usually getting up for around 5am, which would 2am Richie’s time. And when he worked the closing shift he started around 3pm which was noon Richie's time. Richie was usually starting class or in practice. They usually tried for after his shift which was typically 7 to 8pm Richie’s time. But Richie was now working at the college radio station. His shift started at 9, so he was usually trying to get his homework done or see Eddie since their schedules did not blend well. 

Richie missed Stan. 

“Maybe that’s what Stan needs right now,” Richie argued watching Eddie smile at him while everyone else looked confused. “He had spent his entire life being told what his future would be." Richie turned to Mike. "Hell Donald planned his wedding, had his son’s name picked out.” Ben’s eyes went wide, he didn’t realize how far his father had gone. “Stan has no idea what he likes, what he interested in, he's never had a chance to figure out who he wants to be.”

“I don’t think sneaking into a bar is going to help that Trashmouth,” Mike snapped back. Everyone going silent until Eddie took Richie's hand going to sit in his lap to mirror Bev.

“I do,” Eddie agreed softly smiling at Mike as his hands went to Richie's hair. “I am taking general classes because my mom told me told me I couldn't handle anything but Business.” Mike watched Eddie make a pained face. “Business is boring." Everyone laughed. "But like I don’t have a clue what I am good at or what interest me.”

“Until Eddie took me to that comedy show I didn’t have a clue,” Richie sighed, then gave a low moan as Eddie's fingers tightened in his hair as he finished. That date was still a sore spot with Eddie. “Not all of us find who we are in high school Mike.”

“If you met Ryan and Kyle you would see my point,” Mike countered face showing disgust as they came to mind. “I am all for Stan getting out there, trying new things, figuring out who he is.” Mike swore, he wanted Stan to find himself. “Ryan is almost twenty-six and he’s never held a job more than six months, showers maybe once a week.” Bev couldn’t stop her face of disgust.

“I’ll be down there soon,” Richie interrupted Mike, watching Bev look up grumpily at him. She wasn’t happy that he was going to miss New Year’s Eve with her, but he offered to take her.

Richie knew Eddie was upset that he was going to be spending his entire Christmas break not with him. Eddie _understood_ but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t upset about it. Eddie couldn’t go home. He knew his mother was waiting for him. The moment his feet touched anything in Derry she would know, and she would be on him. She would make him feel bad for wanting this for himself. When she finds out he switched majors she would be furious. She would toss his father at him again.

No, Eddie needed to stay as far away from Derry as he could for now. Richie couldn't know the truth.

Richie’s family had a party every year. It wasn’t anything too crazy or glamorous, but it was so much fun. Everyone would dress up, they would order food, and spend the entire night with people who they cared for the most. There were games everywhere, music being played, people dancing and laughing. Bev was sad she was going to miss it but she didn’t want Ben to spend the entire vacation alone. She knew he was with Eddie, but she figured they could do a double date. Then Richie announced with a broken looking Eddie that he was going to see Stan instead of flying back with them on the twenty-seventh. 

Bev would have thrown a fit, but Eddie’s sad misty eyes made her stop. It was clear that nothing was going to stop Richie from seeing Stan. Because if he wouldn’t come back for Eddie then who else would he come back for. Eddie had told her he was fine, he understood, this was something Richie needed to do. He got Richie all year long, it was just a couple of weeks then he'd be back with him. That was when she stopped trying to get Ben to come with her. She had been trying to back off Eddie, not smothering him, but it was hard. Eddie wasn’t used to this freedom, he wasn't used to not having someone make his decision. Even if he ignored his mother, she still made the decision for him. The one thing Bev knew better than anyone else, was that if it was a choice between Eddie’s happiness and Richie’s happiness. Eddie would always choose Richie’s over his own.

Always. 

XOXO

Mike looked around the apartment, he was in complete awe of their space. During his time here Eddie was staying with Richie so Mike could have his bed. Mike had offered just to sleep on the couch but Bev laughed whispering it wasn’t a hardship on Eddie’s part. Mike had looked over to see Richie and Eddie kind of absorbed in each other. The look of complete awe and love on Richie's face took Mike's breath away. The way they looked at each other was always intense. Even before they became a couple they just had this way with each other. Mike wasn't sure he'd ever find what they had.

Mike's apartment was nothing like this one. Even Eddie's and them apartment was more than his could ever be. The paint was new, the appliances up to date, no carpet just beautiful wood floor. Everything was bright and airy, it just felt spacious. The doors to the balcony open, Mike's so called balcony could barely fit him. They used it to store Stan's bike. This place reminded of his Frat house, the one that he would be moving to soon. It made him so excited. 

He was also reminded that Stan would be stuck in that apartment with Ryan. The apartment with patches on the wall, stained carpet from who knows how long. With appliance if lucky were at least a decade old but Mike was pitching for at least fifteen. Then what did one expect from how cheap the rent was with how close they were to downtown. The place didn’t ask many questions either. The old tenant only had until May then his name would be off. Mike was hoping he could convince Stan to move by then, but he wasn't holding his breath.

“So” Bill sighed taking a seat far away from Mike. " Richie really coming down with you after Christmas?"

"Yes," Mike mumbled softly looking over at Bill who looked just as nervous. “He really wants to see Stan,” Mike explained rubbing his hands on his knees. “Then maybe you'll all understand that Stan is not going down a good road.”

“I saw his selfie,” Bill sighed nervously thinking about the boy in it, about the smile on their faces. 

“That’s Eli,” Mike answered watching Bill carefully. “He’s Ryan’s brother.” Bill nodded slowly. They both knew what Bill was really asking but Mike wasn’t going to play. He broke Stan's heart at prom, he had his chance. “So new girlfriend.” Bill looked up coldly at him.

“Not really we’ve been together since September,” Bill told him looking over to Ben who just entered. “Richie introduced us.”

“Bev wants us at the apartment no later than 8am tomorrow,” Ben announced watching Mike and Bill look at him funny. “To help with the dinner.” Mike looked at Bill who shrugged as clueless as he was. “Eddie is cooking the turkey since he’s the only who seems to know how.” Bill nodded, none of them besides Eddie learned to cook. “Bev and Eddie made a list…”

“A list,” Mike and Bill repeated together.

“Leave Benny Boy here alone,” Richie stated walking in patting Ben on the back. “He is just the messenger.” Ben looked up at him grateful because Bill and Mike looked ready to pounce.

Richie moved around the apartment with ease, but Mike knew something was up with Richie's movements. He knew Richie well enough to know when he was up to something. This wasn't like joke or prank up to something either. No this was like Henry Bowers had just threatened him, he was reserved, he was angry. This was like all the times the evil had shown itself to Richie while inside one of them. Richie was being careful graceful as he moved around the apartment. 

Richie was making all of them nervous.

Ben watched Richie move. Ben watched Richie look around like he was trying to put together a puzzle, a puzzle only he knew about. Ben watched him move to the photos that Bev had made him put up. Because a house wasn't a home without photos she giggled motioning to him to just do it. Ben knew she got that from her mother. Ben happily put each photo up smiling as she smiled brightly. She was right, this apartment felt more like home, it felt right. So watching Richie walk slowly around it like he was looking for something out of place made his skin tingle. He didn't like when Richie got quiet, and he didn't like how Richie was looking at Bill.

Richie was dangerous when he wanted to be.

"What's Eddie hiding from me," Richie asked Bill as he came to sit down directly in front of him. Bill opened his mouth to have Richie raise his hand as his cold eyes looked directly into Bill's. "You may be his best friend, but I know Eddie better than anyone, even Sonia." Ben looked at Mike, who was now standing up slowly moving towards him. "He is hiding something." Richie's voice was low. He wasn't mad at Bill or Eddie, but he was obviously upset. "First not coming home with him, then saying no to seeing Stan when Richie begged. Now making up a lie about work." Eddie was hiding something, had something happened on Halloween?

"Sonia stole his savings," Bill whispered watching Richie's eyes go wide. That was not what he had been expecting. "It wasn't a lie." Bill hated betraying Eddie, but felt like a weight was being lifted. "He took the hours today and tomorrow night so he would have enough to pay the rent and Bev back for what she spent on this dinner she's going so crazy about." Bill watched Richie entire body crumble, his face just broke. "He knows you'll offer to help him, and he wants to do this on his own. He need to do this on his own."

"But he has to know we'll never judge him," Mike sighed squeezing Richie's shoulder as Ben took a seat next to Bill.

"He wants to prove her wrong," Richie mumbled closing his eyes, then opening them to look at Bill who looked just as crushed. "He wants to prove that he isn't weak or delicate." Bill nodded as Richie recalled Halloween so clearly. "That he can take care of himself, he isn't his father...he doesn't need her."

"I only know because I walked in the apartment to him yelling at the bank," Bill explained needing to know Eddie didn't tell him. Eddie didn't trust him more. "He tried to cover it up but..." Bill stopped when Richie nodded weakly. "He was just so broken." 

"There has to be a way to get the money back," Mike demanded knowing this couldn't be legal.

"He would have to file charges against Sonia," Bill explained softly, Richie bitterly huffed a laugh. Leave it to Eddie that even after she stole from him he still didn't want to hurt her.

Richie stood up, Bill wanted to stop him wanted to do something but he knew he couldn't. Richie knew something wasn't right with Eddie. He knew it must have happened around Halloween, maybe that was what set him off that night. Now he knew he was right. Walking outside Richie sucked in a deep breath of the cool salty air. He wanted to be angry that Eddie didn't come to him, that he had been dealing with this all alone. It broke Richie's heart knowing he had been carrying this alone all this time. 

Yet at the same moment it explained so much to him. Why over the weeks he seemed perfectly fine but there was a sadness in his eyes. When Bev would talk about their mother he was look so lost. Almost like something inside of him was breaking, like he was breaking. Now he knew why Eddie was working all the extra shifts. Richie began to wonder if maybe something had happened while he had been out. Explained why he sold the tickets to that concert he had waiting weeks for. Coming in all sad, Bill claiming work denied him the night off, he's lose his job if he called in. Eddie changed the subject when Richie brought it up, that was when he knew. Bill knew.

Eddie wanted to do this on his own. Wanted to prove to Sonia he didn't need her, he didn't need anyone he could live on his own. Maybe that was why he had thought of running. Stan was kind of in the same boat as he was. Tossed out with nothing. Stan had got to his bank account before his father could even think of it though. Stan didn't know if Donald would but Richie knew he would have. Like Sonia he was a control freak. Both of them had led the lives their family had made them live. Now here they were trying to build on a foundation that wasn't solid yet. Neither of them knew anything about who they were. 

Stan and Eddie were lost.

Richie knew Mike meant well but he just couldn't understand Stan. Richie also couldn't because his parents were amazing. Richie spent his entire life running from being gay because he knew his mother would go overboard. Luckily he had his godfather, Conor had saves him from that. The idea of being rejected was never there. The thought of being hated, that his mother wouldn't love him was never a fear. Sonia didn't believe Eddie was gay. She thought Richie had infected him and Stan, she saw him as some dirty little virus. Once Richie went away she could cleanse him, make Eddie better. Make him the way he should be. Richie would die before he ever let her get her hands on Eddie.

Eddie was his, not hers, his. 

TBC


	3. Christmas Shatters Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Loser (not Stan) go home to Derry for Christmas, and it's a rough visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next four chapters were originally one, then I split them up into two. During editing I then split then again, it just felt like I was rushing. The next chapter should be done being beta read either Sunday or Monday. 
> 
> Jacey my lovely Beta Thank You! 
> 
> Thank for the kudo!

**Future Unknown: Christmas Shatters Part 1**

**_December 20_ **

Stepping off the plane this trip so far was a disaster. From the delays to the time zone changes, to the horrible child behind him kicking his seat. Eddie never wanted to step foot on a plane again in his life. All he wanted to do was get off this plane and get out of this airport as soon as possible. Which he knew would not happen since his plane arrived even with the delays several hours before everyone else's. Eddie stumbled his way out, trying not to let the last several hours affect him. He just hated flying.

Well that wasn’t true, he liked flying normally. Eddie knew it was just rough because he was not flying with anyone this time. Instead his friends were just now getting ready to start their connecting flight to Derry. Unlike him they wouldn’t back in the way back of the plane squished between a man who chomps his mouth and a woman who smelled worse than Richie's gym bag after a hot day. He was lucky he even got a seat on any plane this close to Christmas, so he was trying to be understanding. After all parents and children had to fly too, and he was sure he was just as annoying as some of these children when he was their age. Maybe he was worse.

Eddie grabbed some food from one the dozens places offered, found a seat and texted Richie where he was. Unlike everyone else he had been up since 3am, since his flight was supposed to leave around 6:13 and they wanted him there by 5am. The flight didn’t end up leaving until 9, due to technical reasons. Then a storm hit his connecting flight, so he was delayed another ninety minutes. After being pushed, shoved, and stomped on, Eddie found a place to sit and eat. He was scared to move because so many people were glaring at him for having a seat while they stood, so he remained put. 

Everyone was in high spirits when they found Eddie. Eddie was tired, he was grumpy, and he was overwhelmed. He had this feeling like he should have stayed in California, he just felt like Derry was not where he should be. Then they found Maggie outside, she ran to them kissing her children happily. She then moved on to Eddie and Ben. Bill and Mike being picked up by their own family. Soon they were ushered into the car, all of them looking out the window. Eddie couldn't place his finger on it but he would be glad when they left. Which was bad because he'd only been back five hours. 

“Is Eddie okay,” Maggie asked softly watching him head up to Richie’s bedroom. 

“His flight wasn’t as smooth as ours,” Bev explained laughing softly helping clear the dishes off the table.

“He’s also going to see his mother tomorrow,” Richie explained giving Bev a look that had her stopping. “Add that anxiety on to one of the worst flights and…”

“Should we talk to him,” Maggie asked looking towards the stairs.

“Honey,” Wentworth smiled putting his hands on her shoulders as reassurance. “I think a good night sleep will do better.” Richie smiled at his parents, not realizing how much he missed this, missed them.

“I’ll make him some tea,” Maggie smiled walking off before anyone could stop her, Richie stopped Bev with a smile.

“Eddie likes her tea,” Richie sighed sitting back down looking towards Conor who nodded, watching his dad walk towards the kitchen with Bev.

Richie was tired. Ever since he found out that Sonia had taken every cent of Eddie’s savings, and that she had been doing so for years he was angry. Eddie hadn’t wanted to do anything, but Richie wouldn’t let it drop. Richie finally got Eddie to agree to come back and to confront his mother. The only reason being because Richie made it clear if Eddie didn’t then he would. No amount of arguing, yelling, or threatening would stop. He would march right up to that house he knew so well and confront her. 

So for the past week Eddie and Richie had both been a bundle of nerves. One because they were coming back to Derry for the first time since July. Nothing had changed much, it still looked like the same old Derry to him. Maybe in years to come when he hadn’t been back for a year maybe three things would seem different. Conor had laughed told him no, sometimes the place you are born was never meant to be the home you miss. Sometimes it’s not the place either. It’s the people. Richie always knew he meant his father. 

Wentworth and Conor had a bond that could not be broken by time or space apart. They had been apart, Conor studying across the globe for about decade until he settled in Derry right before Richie was born. Wentworth was his home, and Maggie was as close to a sister he could get. Richie knew sometimes he hated not having a family of his own, not having a husband but he wouldn’t change anything. Conor was a believer in paths, and his path made him who he is. Through all the tears, the heartache, the messy and brutal breakups Conor is exactly the man he was always meant to be.

“Victoria gets in on the 23rd,” Maggie told him placing a large cup of ice water in front of him, he looked up at her weirdly. “Bev told me what your diet has been since moving away.” Conor bite back a laugh.

“I drink water,” Richie snapped slightly offended, she gave him a disbelieving look. “I have a water bottle with me every time I go exercising.”

“That’s like two days a week at most,” Bev laughed taking her seat next to Conor.

“I exercise everyday thank you very much,” Richie hissed with a glare, not like this one bit.

“He's telling the truth,” Ben told them walking in with Wentworth. “He does yoga every Monday, Wednesday, Friday mornings.” Maggie looked at him smiling, she knew he liked yoga despite his vow he didn't. “Runs Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday morning.” Bev looked at him, because he was always in bed when she got up. “Then visits our buildings 24-hour gym every night for like an hour, two if Eddie is working the night shift.”

“He’s always asleep when I get up,” Bev counters not believing this one bit.

“I don’t get up until the sun is up,” Richie laughed looking at her like she was insane. “Ben and I meet every morning at eight since neither of us have class until eleven.”

Bev had been very self-conscious lately. Not in the way that she thought she was overweight or ugly, but in the way she thought maybe she wasn’t what Ben truly wanted or needed. He was tall, fit, and toned, and now has a perfect tan. When he walked into a room all eyes both male and female went to him. He had changed his hair style a few months ago, and now more people were looking at him. He and Bill had joined a frat together. They had attempted to get Eddie and Richie to join too but neither of them was interested. Bill still believed Eddie would have if Richie hasn't made such a fuss about them joining.

Bev of course joined the sorority connected with their frat house. Bev would not lie it was fun, the girls not anything like she had imagined due to media coverage of the Greek life. The moment they discovered Ben was her boyfriend they wanted to know everything. It was clear Ben and Bill were on the must date list. Bill’s current girlfriend was a drama major that Richie introduced him to, but she was also a pledge like Bev at one time. She knew Ben went running on some morning, she just didn’t know he spent that much time. 

“You’ll do yoga with my brother but not me,” Bev snapped looking at her boyfriend, Ben looked at Richie who shrugged as confused.

“You’ve never asked,” Ben told her not knowing what was happening, but watched her relax. “I mentioned that yoga for couples to you a few months back and you laughed at me.” Bev opened her mouth then shut it because he was correct. “Told me we weren’t a middle-aged couple on the verge of divorce looking to rekindle our youth.”  
“So you went with my brother,” Bev gasped wide eyed.

“NO,” Ben and Richie told her laughing, which got them a harsh glare.

“Richie offered to show me some basic stances,” Ben explained to her softly, he was utterly confused right now.

“Are you jealous,” Richie asked laughing when she shot him another glare.

“Beverly,” Maggie smiled handing the cup of tea to Richie. Bev looked up face still squished up in frustration. “Benjamin.” Ben looked up horrified, looked to Richie who mouthed 'sorry.'

Richie didn’t wait to see what his mother said he was up and out of the room in record time. He would not get pulled into a communication game he was not in the place for that. Walking up the stairs, his mother wasn’t exactly approving of Eddie being his room or Ben in Bev’s room. But his father had spoken the truth when he asked her if she really thought they weren’t staying in each other’s room in California. Wentworth also knew Ben and Eddie, there was no way they would do anything that wasn’t disrespectful while here.

Eddie and Ben had made sure the Tozier siblings were very aware that nothing was happening. Ben even offered the idea of sleeping on Richie’s floor because the idea of being here made him nervous. Richie would almost bet the money in his pocket Ben was sleeping on the floor with the door open. Maybe that was part of Bev’s issue. He knew that Ben’s current school project as well as his community project with Bill was taking up a lot of his time. He would think Bev would understand that. She was in class at 7 until 3 Monday to Friday, then worked 4 to 8 three days a week. Had her sorority projects and meetings, plus had just signed up to help in their school’s fashion project this Spring.

Richie walked into his room to find Eddie laying on the bed with music playing softly in the background. It was his grounding music. He was lost in the beat and the words that he didn’t even realize that Richie was here. Richie loved to listen to him sing. He used to play guitar, but his mother forced him to stop years ago. It had been his father’s dream he had always wanted to play but never had the time to learn. Sometimes Eddie would just sit downstairs at Richie's father’s piano and just play for hours. Richie always forgot how much Eddie loved music.

“My mom made you tea,” Riche smiled walking into the room, watching Eddie sit up. “She would have brought it up, but Bev is apparently jealous of me.” Eddie started laughing. “I’m serious. She went all territorial when she found out I was teaching Ben yoga.”

“It’s on the board,” Eddie said sitting up taking the hot mug. Eddie created a board in both apartment so everyone could stay on top of their day. “It says Richie and Ben Yoga,”

“I think she’s feeling left out,” Richie signed climbing into the bed next to him. “She hasn’t really made many…any friends really.” Eddie nodded he could understand he gets jealous of how loved Richie is by like everyone. “Now Ben is doing that community service project.”

“So, your mom is making them do one of her games,” Eddie sighed then moaned as he drank the tea. Eddie looked up at Richie smiling.

“You missed this didn’t you,” Eddie asked gently watching Richie look at him.

“it’s just nice to have mom centered on Bev for once and not me,” Richie smirked but Eddie knew the truth. Eddie leaned his head on Richie’s shoulder.

Maggie drug Bev and Ben off, Wentworth tried but Bev wanted to do this. Poor Ben just dropped his head probably cursing that he let Eddie talk him into coming instead of staying in California. Conor knew that leaving home was hard. Bev's life before coming here was a mess, he was sure she had built walls. He knew for a fact people had tried to be friend her, Richie had told them so. She would go out to the parties, she would have fun, but only if Ben or Richie were close. She never allowed them out of her sight. She had gone mother mode on Eddie, and now was starting in on Bill. Conor understood. 

Wentworth had been the one who had helped Conor learn to trust people. He had been in an abusive relationship, had been broken in ways a person should not have been broken. Rebuilding yourself can be hard, and sometimes shattering. Conor knew she was loving her classes, knew she was enjoying where they were living, and had started in about working as volunteer staff at the spring fashion event. But when someone asked about friends she changed the subject, Eddie did too. Though Eddie seemed like he was getting more out there. 

Richie was such a vibrant person, people just seemed to flock to him. Conor had always loved watching Richie just make people laugh, no matter who they were they were always enthralled by him. He had grown from the awkward boy with too long arm and legs with big glasses to a young man that made every place his own. His hair was still a mess, his clothes were still his own style, and he wore his mother’s earring with pride. Eddie seemed to always follow behind him. Not because he had to but because Eddie loved seeing Richie shine, loved seeing how people loved his joked and antics. He knew for a fact that if Richie had to be quiet he would for Eddie. There’s nothing in the world he wouldn’t do to see Eddie smile.

Conor stopped, smiled softy as he peeked his head inside Richie’s room. Eddie was watching something on the television as Richie was flung over him. Eddie’s hand in Richie's hair just playing with the unruly dark curls. Richie’s glasses were on the side counter, Eddie’s tea next to him. It was very clear this was something that occurred on a regular basis. Conor could see Eddie’s eyes were getting heavy, this was obvious a sleep routine. Conor turned around quietly not wanting to make either boy feel weird or like they got caught at doing something bad. He was happy that Richie and Eddie found each other, and that they seem to be growing as a couple as well as people. He only hoped tomorrow went well for Eddie.

**_December 21_ **

Ben wanted to die.

"Babe I told you we don’t need to sign up for a couples thing,” Ben groaned rubbing his eyes, it was eight in the morning and Bev hadn’t stopped since 645 when she woke him up. “How about instead we designated a date night.” Bev looked at him smile on her face eyes full of admirations. “We both are free on Thursday nights.” Bev nodded Ben would almost say she was misty eyed. “We can go out or we can just kick Richie to my place for the night.”   
“Really,” Bev cooed, watching Ben smile back at her.

“I love you,” Ben told her taking her hand, lacing their fingers. “And if doing a couples thing is something you are really into doing how about...” Ben sighed looking at the list, pointing to the one that had been popping out to him. “Couples learn Art. Thursday 7pm to 9pm.”

“We don’t have to,” Bev told him now feeling silly, she didn't want to force him. 

“It might be fun,” Ben told her moving her hair out of the way smiling warmly at her. “If we hate it we don’t go back after the first session. If we do it’ll be something just for us.”

“You say that,” Bev tells him recalling their last two movies dates. “Then you mention it at one of your frat boy meetings.” Bev sighed watching Ben trying to hid his smirk. “And suddenly I am surround by like ten guys who all wants to talk about…”

“You have my word,” Ben laughed covering her mouth, giggling as she laughed with him. “Thursday nights are just you and me.”

Maggie felt her heart grow two sizes. She brought in the food, watching Ben move away from her. Maggie rolled her eyes but wouldn't bring it to attention. Maggie had learned the hard way that Ben was bashful, especially when it came to public displays of affection. After meeting his parents though she understood. His parents could easily be described as cold and unaffectionate, Maggie personally had a few other words. Maggie recalled the way they walked very stiff, frowning as Wentworth wrapped his arms around Maggie or when he took her hand. Ben had sat very stiff that night as well, he looked so uneasy. His back straight, his face passive with no real emotion, hands folded in front of him instead of in Bev's hand, the dinner had been uncomfortable to say the least. 

So, they tried to not bring to attention when he did things like hold her hand or touch her face. Richie and Eddie were the opposite of them in almost every way. Where Bev was afraid to sometime talk to Ben about subjects Richie would talk and talk. When Ben was scared to touch Bev not knowing how it would be taken Eddie didn’t care. It was like Richie and Eddie almost needed to be in contact with each other. They did it without ever thinking. Maggie knew when it was just the group, Ben and Bev were freer with their affections. Ben just wasn’t at that comfort level yet. One day he would be, he was opening up so much.

It was colder here than it was in California, all of them shivering as they walked out of the house. Eddie wanted to do this on his own, Richie wasn’t a fan of that idea but he knew Eddie needed to do this. So he name a time that Eddie needed to text him by. Bill laughed as Richie gave him a safe word to text in case it looked like Sonia wasn’t going to let him leave. Eddie had rolled his eyes, but Richie didn’t trust Sonia. She had once locked him in the basement for two days when she claimed he had caught some fatal virus. Richie wasn’t taking any chances. 

Eddie wasn't hers. 

Bill and Mike went to the clubhouse, while Bev and Ben went to grab supplies for lunch. They were going to call Stan and have him there by video before he had to go off to work. Richie walked down the streets until he came to a familiar house. Stan’s house. He looked to the side to see Donald’s car was missing, so he walked up. As he knocked he met a pair of wide sad eyes, Andrea Uris. She started crying flinging herself into his arms like seeing Richie had unleashed everything. or maybe not, maybe this was just how she spent her time alone now. He was quickly ushered inside before anyone saw him. Donald had supports everywhere.

“How is he,” Andrea asked brokenly trying to wipe away the tears but they wouldn’t stop.

“Alive,” Richie sighed trying to hold in his anger as he saw every place that once held Stan’s picture was now replaced with another. “He can’t afford college so he’s working as a waiter.” Andrea couldn't help the whimper as she felt herself break again. “He’s in Florida. I haven’t seen him since July. He lives with Mike right now.”

“Will you give him something,” Andrea asked weakly, Richie wanted to say no, he wanted to scream but Stan would be destroyed if he did. 

Andrea Uris was the wife of the local Rabbi. She was raised by a strict family, much like his own mother. She was home schooled, then worked with her father at his business until she married Donald. It was as close to an arranged marriage as you could get. He was from a good family, son of their Rabbi, and had asked permission to take her out. After a few dates it was pretty much decided they would be getting married, their mothers picking out patterns and dates. Donald was a good man, he was a good Rabbi, but he was also his father’s son.

Taking the small package Richie gave her as much of a smile as he could muster, his own tears showing. She hugged him one more time before he snuck out before anyone could see him. Andrea dropped on the couch, trying to hold in her own tears again. She had yelled, screamed, begged and pleaded. This was a new era, a new generation, but Donald refused to listen to reason. To him he had no son. All the pictures, all the memories, all the moment meant nothing now. She was no longer a mother; she was just a Rabbi’s wife. She would have no grandchildren she would only have Donald. That hurt more than anything else.

Richie took once last look at the house he had visited almost as much as Eddie’s. He had heard the stories of Donald claiming the virus they got was god’s punishment for their chosen lifestyle. He had heard Donald thanking Sonia for having the strength to do god's will. His old boss said she was dating some guy, a religious man. Richie grew angry. He didn’t understand how people who claimed to believe in such a being that was supposed to be the embodiment of love and compassion. Something that was supposed to have created us all in his image, could so easily turn to hate. Riche was confused, he was hurting, and he was sad. He had hoped to find answers by going there, instead he found a void. 

Richie felt empty. 

XOXO

Eddie felt numb. Walking down the streets he felt like maybe he was being punished. How could someone who spent eighteen years telling him he was hers. That no one on this earth could love him like she could. No one could take care of him like she could. She had carried, gave him life, she was the single most important person in his existence. The woman who had forced medicine down his throat to keep him well against all the germs and bacteria in the world. The woman who made him see a doctor every three months for random checkup and testing. The woman who never allowed him outside if it was too cold or to sunny, the woman who dressed him. How could that same woman do what she was doing to him. 

Looking up, had he really changed that much. His hair was longer sure, she always made him keep it short since freshman year. One of the neighbors mentioned how cute he looked with his floppy hair, so she made him cut it short. He hated it. Every now and then she’d forget, and it would grow out but then she’d remember. His nicely pressed polos and button ups were gone unless he needed to dress up. Usually just stuck to jeans and t-shirts unless he was in his barista outfit. She of course spotted the mark on his neck from Richie and went into a rage. 

Walking into the house Eddie felt like he wanted to be sick, he just could not understand how this was happening. Richie looked up, he had sent him the text he was on his way back over three hours ago. He had missed talking to Stan, had missed lunch. Maggie watched Richie run to him wrapping his arms around Eddie tightly holding him as he broke down. Sonia refused to give him the money back. The money that his father had put side for him to get when he was eighteen. The money he had saved from the part time job he got from working at the only coffee house in town. She had screamed his name over and over as he walked away from her. She had blamed him, had claimed this was for his own good. Eddie never felt so unloved.

Eddie thought this was the worse it could get, but he was wrong.

**_December 22_ **

Conor walked into the waiting room of the hospital, looking for Richie. He found him with a dazed look on his face, Eddie and Ben were both still being seen by the doctors. The whole ordeal was like something out of a movie. Conor walked over to him slowly watching him look up broken. Conor was taken back in time. The Richie in front of him was six years old, missing two of his front teeth, with a gleam in his eyes that let you know he was about to do something. As a little boy Richie always had bandages on some part of his body, Richie liked the colorful ones. Conor would always buy the neon ones, laughing as he made up cuts to get one. 

Pulling him forwards he whispered into his hair Eddie was fine, Ben was fine. Bev was being held by their mother while Wentworth was to the side, his hand on Richie’s leg. Bill and Mike sat together, they both looked horrified, like they were trying to keep it together. Their looks going from Bev to Richie back to the door where they were waiting for the doctor. Conor had checked in, so far everything was going the way it should. Police were back there now talking to Eddie, taking down his accounts of what had happened. They had already spoke to everyone else involved, well except Ben. Sonia had been drove to the police station, where she was currently. 

How did all this happen? Conor felt helpless.

“Eddie,” Richie gasped tearfully walking towards him, Eddie went into his arms easily. 

“How are you,” Bev asked looking behind him for Ben. Where was Ben?

“He has a concussion due to the force of impact,” the ER doctor, Sean Walling, stated nodding to Conor as he came into view. “Some bruising on the arms, his wrist will probably be sore for a few days.” Sean explained smiling watching Richie with Eddie. “With some rest he’ll be good as new.”

“I told you I didn’t need a doctor,” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s chest.

“You were smashed on the head and drug on the ground like a sack of potatoes,” Bill exclaimed voice shaky.

“Bill is right Edward,” Conor told Eddie gently coming to stand by Sean. “You were very lucky, a hit like that could have had serious to fatal consequences.”

“Where is Ben.” Bev asked not liking the fact he wasn’t out yet. She felt her heart stop when Sean's face dropped.

Bev didn’t want to seem unsympathetic to Eddie, she knew this was horrible for him. Sonia had arrived out of the blue, screaming and yelling like a lunatic. Eddie had gone out there to try to calm her down, to attempt to get her to go home. One of his fears was that she was not sober. He had rarely seen her drink before, but she was known to take an extra pill or two--four. So he walked out trying to get her to go home, he had not expected that was a part of her plan. Before anyone knew it Eddie was knocked out and being drug to the car. 

Ben got to her before Bev could even get to the stairs to call for Richie, who Eddie sent upstairs. Seeing him would just send her more over Eddie had warned. So Richie walked upstairs claiming he had ten minutes or he was calling the police. When they got out there she was beating on Ben, Eddie was unconscious, and one of the neighbors were running over screaming. In the distance you could hear the sirens, Maggie was running outside with her phone. Wentworth was already on the ground checking them both out. Hand soon covered in blood, Ben's blood. 

As the police came Sonia was screaming that they stole her son. Mike explained to the police officers Eddie was nineteen, he lived and attended college in California. As they drove away the ambulance arrived, Richie couldn’t go with Eddie, as Bev couldn’t go with Ben. Ben who looked a mess. Bev was crying, she wanted to be strong but seeing Ben like that took her back. To her back to a sewer, took her back to Henry, took her back to her biological father. Richie held her tight soothing her promising her they’d be okay, they were Losers, nothing could touch them. They could beat the world, as long as they stayed together. Bev nodded, Richie kissed the top of her head.

“Hey Benny boy,” Richie smiled as Ben opened his eyes. His eyes that were glazed over and dazed. When Ben tried to look at Richie he felt floaty and groggy. He tried to move but Richie placed his hand gently on him, not applying pressing just placing it on him. “Take it easy Haystack.” Ben stopped, turned his head to see Bev on his other side, Mike and Bill next to her. “They had to rush you to surgery due the force trauma of the attack.” Ben looked confuse, Bev felt her heart break all over again.

“Attack,” Ben repeated then began coughing which lead to wincing in pain.

“Eddie’s mom,” Bill started gently as Bev began to move Ben’s hair out of the way. Bill looked at Richie who have a nod. “Mr. K tried to kidnap Eddie last night, you ran out to stop her…”

“Is Eddie okay,” Ben gasped, then wheezed more as he moved to fast, he looked up at Richie. Why was Richie here and not with him, had something worse happened to him. Why wasn’t he here? “Where is he?”

“Dr. Walling made him leave but he only agreed if Richie stayed,” Mike explained, watching Ben smile lazily. Of course, Eddie would do that.

“I see someone is awake,” Conor grinned walking in, looking at Richie softly.

Ben recalled Conor saying something then his eyes got to heavy, and he fell back asleep. Conor reassured everyone that Ben needed rest right now. The trauma to his body just needed to heal. They were able to stop the internal bleeding, now they had to wait and give him time. They did everything right. They made sure both Ben and Eddie were taken to the hospital and checked out by professionals. Ben would recover as long as he followed the medical advice given to him. Bev remained with Ben holding his hand. She wanted to be here when he woke up again. The hospital would be moving him from his surgical room to a regular if his vital remained steady.

Conor walked the rest of them out, ushered them into his car. Richie was quiet, which normally would scare Conor. He had never known Richie to be quiet, even as a baby he was loud. Not crying loud but he just always let people know he was there. He had a need to be the center of attention even from the day he was born. He wondered if Maggie ever told him about his delivery. He was born two weeks early, in the middle of nowhere, in Conor’s car because of course he decided he wanted to be born when they were returning from looking at some cottage and a freak snow storm hit. Conor hasn’t looked at country houses since. He was the first person to ever hold him, to ever look into those eyes. 

Maggie moved Bill and Mike inside refusing to have them leave until they’ve napped and ate something besides a disgusting stale cupcake from a vending machine. Richie watched as she moved them to the guest bedroom downstairs. Knowing his mother it was already ready for them to just crash. Richie walked up the stairs looking down at his phone as he took each step slow. Richie felt helpless. He and Stan had kept in contact, he had let him know everything. Richie sent a text that next time he’s with Ben he’ll do a video chat. Richie was tired, he felt broken, helpless, useless. Walking outside to seeing Eddie on the ground not moving. Then to seeing Ben fighting off the attack had taken Richie to a place he didn’t want to be. 

“How is Ben,” Eddie asked as Richie walked into the bedroom.

“You should be sleeping,” Richie told him rubbing his eyes, he was so tired.

“You are the one who looks ready to collapse,” Eddie informed him slipping out of the bed.

“Conor said if he remains stable and vitals good they’ll move him to a regular room tomorrow morning,” Richie mumbled as Eddie came over to start undressing him. “Any word on your mother.”

“Your family’s lawyer came by,” Eddie sighed tossing his clothes into the hamper. Walking over to pick out clean ones for him. “She’s being charged with attempted kidnapping and physical assault with a weapon.” Eddie turned to look at Richie his face broken. “As well as theft.”

The moment Eddie entered the house Maggie went all maternal on him. She forced him upstairs to take a shower, knowing once it hit him he would be sick. Eddie had gotten sick a few times in the hospital room due to his concussion. He had grabbed some clothing, taken a long hot shower, and went straight to bed for several hours. When he woke up he got the news that Ben was out of surgery and doing well. Everyone was waiting until they could see him, which may be several hours. She made him potato soup. His favorite. 

Then Carl T. Warner arrived. Everyone in town knew him, he was one of three lawyers, and his family had been doing it for a very long time. Victoria had worked part-time for him during High School and was going to be doing her internship with him this summer. Carl had two sons, one five years older than Victoria and one Richie and Eddie’s age. The eldest was working in Austin, Texas at a law firm, he wanted real cases he had said. He hoped he returned home to take over the business. His youngest son was pre-med going to some college in Nebraska.

Carl had listened, said he already had the police report, now he needed Eddie to go through everything with him. There was no nice way this could go. Sonia Kaspbrack had attempted to kidnap Eddie, assaulted him with a weapon, and stolen his money. She also assaulted Ben with the same weapon that could have led to death. Carl understood she was his mother but there was no way around this. Eddie was meeting with him tomorrow afternoon, after he had time to speak with Sonia's lawyer. Eddie knew this would only end bad, no matter what. There was no way of getting out of this without a broken heart.

"You need a shower," Eddie whispered, Richie was about to lose it.

Eddie slipped out of the bed, grabbed Richie's favorite lounge pants and stupid holey shirt Eddie had threaten to toss more than once. Eddie took Richie's hand leading him down the stairs to the bathroom. He shut the door softly as he heard someone open the front door and then slam it shut. They both assumed it was Conor leaving as they heard Maggie yell goodbye. Eddie walked over to the shower to turn it on, testing the water as Richie just sat on the closed toilet looking at his hands. Eddie had made him brush his teeth already, though he doubted Richie a good job it was better than nothing. 

Eddie walked over slowly taking off Richie's shirt, smiling gently when Richie's sad eyes met his own. Eddie slipped his fingers in Richie's hair tilting his chin up to connecting their lips moving between Richie's legs. Richie's hands going to Eddie's waist to pull him closer. Eddie's lips moving to kiss his face, watching Richie start to relax, watch tears start to fall. It was then he realized Richie had Ben's blood on his shirt. Eddie tossed it aside, motioned for Richie to stand up. Eddie stripped him down before pushed him towards the steamy shower quickly undressed himself. Richie needed him, that was all that mattered. Richie always matter more than his fear of germs, his fear of heights, or any other fear his mother forced on him. 

Richie closed his eyes as Eddie's hands were on his skin. Richie could smell the scent of their body wash, could feel his determined hands scrubbing away the last few hours. Eddie motioned for him to wash his hair, Richie smiled. Then soon felt himself pressed against the shower, as Eddie sank to his knees. Closing his eyes again as Eddie took him into his mouth. Eddie hated how much Richie had never been lying about his cock. It was long and thick, and Eddie loved the way it felt in his mouth. They hadn't made it past hands and blow jobs quite yet. 

Richie pulled Eddie up lifting him off the ground slamming him into the tile mouths crushing together. Eddie hands sliding through Richie's slick curls, smelling so fresh and clean. Eddie gasped into Richie's mouth as his large rough hands wrapped around both their cocks. Richie started jerking hard and fast, knowing his mother would around soon. Eddie's cock wasn't that much smaller than Richie's, it was paler though with a pretty pink mushroom head. Richie used his thumb to massage the head, going right under the crown to the spot his tongue found a few weeks ago. 

Richie opened his eyes to see Eddie lost in the pleasure, god he wanted to taste him but there was no time. Eddie's nails digging into his back, whimpers slipping out low but loud. Bending forward Richie bite into a mark from a few days ago, smiling as Eddie lost it. Richie was soon behind him, humming against Eddie's abused skin as Eddie let go of the grip he had on his hair. Both laughed as they rinsed off, quickly made their way up stairs before Maggie came to find them. They could hear her talking to someone. 

“Do you think Bev hates us,” Richie asked falling on his bed. His mind seeing Ben on the ground again, Bev’s broken tear stained face.

“Don’t be stupid,” Bev snapped walking into his room, face squished up in terror. Richie stood up going towards her. “They made me leave right after you.” Richie took her into his arms as she started to cry.

“Ben will be okay,” Eddie told her softly, feeling uneasy around her.

“This isn’t your fault Eddie,” Bev mumbled looking at him attempting to smile as Eddie gave her a sad smiled.

Richie held his sister close, he didn't know what else to do.

TBC


	4. Christmas Shatters Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE forgive any (probably alot) medical or legal incorrectness. Stan is back next chapter, like I said this chapter and the previous one were originally one.
> 
> THANK YOU Jacey, I know how busy you are!
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, they mean the world to me.

**Future Unknown: Christmas Shatters Part 2**

**_December 24_ **

Eddie grabbed Richie’s hand holding it tight as a reminder that he had to be nice, he had to be polite, he had to not be Trashmouth. Richie looked over at him wide eyed, because how could Victoria honestly expect him not to be himself. His name was Harper Ares Moon. Harper because it was the only gender-neutral name his grandfather like, Ares because he was an Ares, and Moon because he was born at night. Richie had always joked that his parents were hippies. Harper’s parents were proving him wrong. 

Victoria was madly in love, and Richie wanted to behave but he couldn’t. He kept going on and on about things that Richie could care less about, but his mother was following his every word. His father and Conor listening enthralled by his stories, and all Richie wanted to do was scream. Bill and Mike kept giving him looks, they all kept snickering even Eddie and Bev did a few times. Bev had tried to smile when he offered her a healing bamboo for Ben to help with the flow of energy around him. Maggie was taken by him from that moment on. 

Eddie was standing outside looking up to the sky, smiling as maybe it will snow. It was the one thing that Eddie didn’t like about California. The chance of snow was very rare, if by some chance it did snow it was gone within hours of it falling. Closing his eyes Eddie could almost smell it, Richie watched smiling at the scene. Eddie liked the snow, not enough to want to live where it snowed but he liked it in passing. Richie gave him this moment. Eddie needed a moment of peace. Richie had brought Eddie here for celebration, wanting him to know he was a part of a family. He wanted him to know no matter what he was loved and wanted. It was why he wanted Stan to come back, but it all ended bad. 

Was Stan right? Was Derry cursed?

They meet with the lawyers again soon, and Eddie wasn’t ready. Carl had met three times yesterday with Sonia’s lawyer. Carl had made sure Eddie realized this was going to probably be messy and it would probably be emotionally taxing. The amount of money he uncovered that she had been taking from him was astounding. No one knew that Frank had set up an account for Eddie before he was born. He had wanted to make sure his children had the means to pursue whatever path they wanted. Sonia took control of it when Frank died, but Eddie never knew about it. Richie knew once they were away from Derry he would be fine, they all would. Derry just held this dark cloud over them. He didn’t know if he’d ever be back after this. 

“How is Stan,” Eddie asked walking into the room.

“Excited to see us,” Richie smiled looking down at his phone the back up until his eyes met Eddie’s. “I know Bev is upset but…”

“She isn’t,” Eddie promised walking towards him smiling, probably his first real smile in days. “Mike seems...” Richie laughed as Eddie tried to find a word. “I know he’s meaning well but…”

“He’s driving Stan crazy with his overprotective judgmental lectures,” Richie groaned, then chuckled softly at Eddie’s sharp glare.

“It’ll be nice to see Stan,” Eddie sighed running his fingers through Richie’s hair smiling as Richie closed his eyes automatically wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist pulling him closer.

“Oh god,” Victoria shrieked covering her eyes, Richie hissed his forehead falling against Eddie’s stomach.

“They appear to be decent,” Harper commented not understanding her reactions, looking back to Richie who just looked annoyed.

Harper looked over at Victoria confused by her behavior not for the first time. Victoria was smart and beautiful; she had a laugh that filled his heart was with joy. The first time he saw her she was arguing the rights of a group that was protesting. He was drawn to her because in his experience those in law were not always those who cared about the rights of others. His parents were lawyers and activist, they fought the fights for many who could not fight themselves. It was why they forced him to learn about law at such a young age. They wanted to give him the knowledge to know how to fight the system. 

As he got to know her he realized her parents were similar to his own in so many ways. While his parents both studied environmental law, hers had studied the mind and society. He picked up Maggie’s book, and was fascinated by her passion in both science and the new age belief. He then read her joint book with Wentworth as they spoke on abuse, adoption, and community. It was a powerful message by itself, until recently he never knew it was more personal than it appeared on page. Until a few weeks ago he had assumed Richie and Bev were biologically twins. You wouldn’t know from the stories and videos Victoria shares. 

Until reading her mother’s book, he assumed maybe Victoria was brought up in a strict home. Then he thought well maybe it was different in the beginning. These books are by what he can see written under the last decade. People grow, gained new experiences, new ideals. It could very well be. Then he met Richie. Richie was loud, his personality was vibrant, and he was all over the place at any given minute. Richie was also the funniest person Harper had ever met in his life. He watched as Richie was very comfortable touching and hugging everyone, male and female. From picking Mike up from behind, to kissing his parents on the cheek, to always being in physical contact with Eddie. Bev and his parents were almost the exact same way. It was just Victoria who seemed to have a thing about physical displays of affection. 

“What do you want,” Richie grumbled Eddie moving to the side so Richie could see his sister. Harper noticed Eddie’s hand remained in his hair, almost like he didn’t realize it.

“Uncle Conor is here,” Victoria hissed, slowing taking her hand away from her eyes, frowning at them disapprovingly.

“Conor said we weren’t needed,” Bill announced walking passed her to jump on Richie’s bed, Harper watched as Eddie rolled his eyes as Richie leaped on him. “NO!” Bill laughed then flipped Richie over smiling in triumph for about second until he was slammed on his back again. “EDDIE!” Eddie shook his head moving away from the bed.

“Not happening,” Eddie laughed crossing his arms as Mike and Bev ran in laughing taking a spot next time amused.

“You do know you aren’t children anymore,” Victoria snapped looking at Bev turned away from her sister.

“Don’t do that,” Richie snapped back at her looking at Bev who was trying to hide her giggles now. Richie then shot Victoria a heated glare. “This is called having fun.” Richie stated moving his hands down to tickle Bill who started to giggle. “I know it’s a loss cause on all you legal types.”

Harper liked Richie. Richie reminded him of his best friend, he was crazy and quirky, Victoria also didn’t like him. Daniel Jones had this way of making friends with just about anyone he came in contact with. He was easy going, funny, and could charm you out of your last dollar if he wanted. Danny wouldn’t though, because he also had a heart of gold. If anyone was hurting or needed a friend Danny would be there without hesitation. Richie gave him that same vibe. He was genuine, Harper hadn’t met a lot of people like that in Victoria circle. Harper could see anyone one of his friends calling Richie at 3am Richie just jumping out of bed to aid them. He could also see Richie pulling pranks at 3am too. 

Harper knew that Victoria liked rules, she liked boundaries, she liked order. It was one of the things he loved most about her if he was being honest. He was a man of the wind. He had spent his life moving from one city to the next with his parents and whatever issue they were working on. He had drifted until he went to college, that had taken some adjustment. Maggie seemed shared his mother’s view on boundaries. Both mothers had set ground rules of course but for the most part allowed their children to grow into their own. Make their own decisions, they allowed their children to fail but also to succeed. 

Harper felt like maybe, he and Victoria needed to have more conversations.

“Babe,” Harper laughed watched as Bill waited them flipped them over again this time pinning him down. “It’s Christmas.”

“Plus,” Richie grunted maneuvering his body to try to get the upper hand, Eddie giggling, while Mike and Bev looked impressed as he flipped Bill back over on his back. “This is my bedroom!” Richie looked towards them holding himself up as Bill struggled against him. “As Lord I decree you can act as childish as you want henceforth.” Harper started laughing as he faked a regal British accent.

“Victoria,” Maggie laughed walking into the room looking at her eldest.

“They need to grow up,” Victoria yelled. “You should have set more boundaries more rules,” Victoria complained pointing to him. “Instead you are letting them waste money by majoring in programs….” Harper frowned at her disgusted face, watching Maggie raise her hand.

For the longest time Victoria supported Bev in fashion, told her she could do anything. Would gaze at her drawing and watch fashion week with her, it was something they shared together. Then it was like a switch had been flipped and over night she was telling Bev she needed to be reasonable. She needed to look into a more stable field of study, maybe teaching. She had started pushing that more on, started showing her scholarships, and grants. Had yelled and argued that her parents needed to stop Richie, force him into a real career. Their entire trip to Mexico was Richie rolling his eyes while sneaking off with Ben to various places to avoid her.

Victoria had over a course of the last year decided her parents had raised them wrong. If they had been stricter, had more rules, then Richie wouldn’t be like he was. At some point over the last year Victoria had deemed her parent’s parenting style wrong. Maggie tried to be understanding, knowing that Victoria was at an age where she was trying to decide who she was. She would soon be out of law school she would be taking an exam that few passed. Maggie knew she was thinking of her own future as a parent.

Maggie recalled looking at her own parents. She knew from a young age she would never raise her own children in the same manner. She would never force her children to believe in ideals all because Maggie or Wentworth themselves believed in them. From the time Bev decided she wanted to be vegan to when Richie wanted to know about the difference between the religions. Maggie had tried to create a home where they could learn and explore without putting pressures on them to follow one path. While sure at times it had created more chaos then she intended, she had three intelligent independent children. 

Looking at Victoria Maggie was sad; it was almost like looking into her mother’s face.

“While you may not agree with your sibling choices in degrees or pathways,” Maggie told her face stern voice going low. Richie slide off Bill, it was rare his mother got like this. “It is not your place to decide what is a waste of money. We are as proud of them as we are of you.”

“The chance of them succeeding are…,” Victoria started to argue.

“Victoria,” Maggie snapped, Victoria eyes went cold. 

“What,” Victoria yelled back looking at Richie and Bev who looked stunned. She was tired of her parents not caring, of turning a blind eye. Her siblings needed to see they were going to fail. “Richie almost died last year for being an idiot and jumping into contaminated water but instead of disciplining him you treated him like a hero.”

“He saved Stan's life,” Bev told her, but Victoria just rolled her eyes.

“You are obviously choosing to live your life by a strict set of rules and guidelines,” Maggie told her daughter softly trying to stay objective. If Victoria wanted to live her life that way that was fine, but she couldn’t just assume everyone would follow. “Not everyone wants to live in that way or should be forced to live in that way because someone decide it’s the correct way to live.” Maggie looked over to Richie and Bev who looked confused by Victoria’s sudden outburst. “Richie and Bev may fail, may end up with degrees that they can’t use.” Victoria rolled her eyes mumbling _may_. “But they may also defy the odds and soar higher than even their dreams can take them,” Maggie wished that for them, she wished that for all of them.

“You can’t…” Victoria grumbled. 

“No, you can’t!” Maggie snapped. “You can’t just assume you know what is best for everyone based on what works for you.” Victoria looked upset Maggie let out a deep breath. Maggie understood. “Sweetie you can’t be angry at your siblings because they’re willing to take risks.” Maggie watched Victoria slump her shoulders, Maggie knew what was happening. “You may not understand it, you may not agree with it, but that decision is there’s. You will need to learn to accept that they’ll live differently.” Victoria frowned; Maggie walked over to her.

The fact that Victoria was making such a public display did throw Maggie off her guard. Despite her need to be the smartest person in the room, to get every award, she hated attention. She would frown disapproving at Richie and his antics when he was younger. When Conor would put Richie front and center to do one of his skits, Victoria would grumble. Growing up they assumed it was just them being siblings. As Richie took more of his freedom, acted out more, started to get into fights Victoria let her own opinion known.

Maggie and Wentworth allowed her to say her opinions. When they took Bev in, it upset Victoria they allowed Bev to sleep in Richie’s room. They allowed Bev to attach herself to Richie, she would yell and complain. In her eyes Richie was the last person anyone should trust. Richie was out of control; he needed discipline, he needed boundaries, he needed stricter parents. Maggie would always listen to at her, sometimes she would roll her eyes as she ranted, but right now Maggie was angry. Richie may not act like Victoria seems to think he should act, maybe he wasn't who Victoria thought he should be. But he was who Richie was always meant to be.

Maggie understood, Victoria could not take a chance. She went to community college because she had been scared to move away. She went to the college Carl told her would fit her career path best that was also closest. She excelled there, argued for those who needed it. But she never ventured off the path laid out for her by her advisors. She joined clubs she was told would help her career, that employers would look for. She dated only guys that were like her until Harper. Everything was calculated, everything was planned, she just gave up a huge internship to a firm that had been wanting her. Because it meant moving to Chicago. Victoria couldn’t take risks, and over the years her bitterness towards Richie who took them every day had grown to include Bev.

Tonight Eddie knew, was not going to be fun.

**_December 26_ **

Eddie wanted out of Derry; he knew he should not have come back. All of the other night was spent arguing and yelling. Well Victoria was yelling, Maggie was arguing, and Wentworth attempting intervened. When things started to cool down Victoria realized that Harper was gone. She had found him at the local Inn. The Inn she argued over and over again Ben and Eddie should be staying. Then she came back yelling and screaming at Richie. Victoria was putting the blame of Harper's desire to leave on Richie's shoulders because if he had acted more mature this wouldn't have happened. This was when it got bad, because it was like something was blocking Victoria from seeing the part she played.

Richie at this point snapped. It was Conor this time who tried to calm his godchildren but then Bev entered when Victoria started in about Ben. No one knew what Victoria’s problem was. She had always acted different sure. Always disapproved of Richie’s antics but right now it was like Victoria was letting out years of anger and resentment no one not even she knew she had. When Maggie had had enough she pulled her family into the family room, and Richie was tortured through multiple communication games. It of course ended with Bev and Victoria hugging each other in crying hysterically. Then Richie being squished in a family hug as he started crying. 

Richie was more way more sensitive than anyone would suspect.

“Where is everyone,” Bill asked looking around, it was almost noon.

“Family yoga session,” Eddie sighed leaning back on the couch, as Bill looked at him strangely. “Don’t ask me.” Eddie grumbled rubbing his eyes, then noticed Bill's hurt express. “I’m sorry Bill." Bill gave him a nod. "It's just that I have spent the last 24 hours in hell." Bill gave a small laugh. "Between Victoria outburst then over compensating, Richie hovering, listening to Bev cry and whine over Ben not getting released.” Eddie looked up at Mike who was on the phone. “And him all morning complaining about Stan spending Christmas with Ryan’s family.”

“Did he want Stan to be alone,” Bill asked falling down on the couch next to him.

“I don’t know,” Eddie admitted letting out a deep sigh, frowning. "I'm beginning to wonder if Derry is just a beacon for misery." Bill understood this had not been a good trip for Eddie. Bill then watched Eddie perked up with a small smile as Richie walked in all sweaty in his tight exercise gear. 

“Eddie you should have joined us,” Bev told him coming to walk in front of him. Bev then stopped to look at Richie all excitedly. “We could do like a morning double yoga date when we’re back in California.”

“I think it’s going to be awhile before Benny is up for yoga,” Victoria reminded Bev, who nodded but still looked excited. Victoria then looked at Eddie. “Eddie I want to thank you again for not holding my outburst against me, I am truly sorry."

If it weren't for everything going on he would have, but he was just too tired. Plus Victoria had spent last night going over what could happen to Sonia, and what options she had. Richie wanted her to go away for a very long time, but Carl wasn't sure that would happen. Part of Victoria wondered if he was secretly helping it not to happen. Sonia was known to have a mental condition, one that she was not taking her medication for. Mix that with the interviews her lawyer did on the change in her moods, attitude, and recent relationships. Victoria was actually worried she may get off. She had read a few cases where in the area where people just do a year or so in a mental hospital. She began pushing for a deal of some sort. 

Victoria was honestly sickened by the idea that she could get off. Carl kept repeating his was trying his _best_ but in the community like this, and since she had so many people standing behind her it would be hard. Donald Uris had showed up to show his support. Andrea was nowhere to be seen though. Eddie had heard Sonia cried claiming she wanted to save her baby from the ungodly Toziers. That she didn't remember anything after getting in the car. She had taken a drive, needing to clear her head. People around here were eating it up, Sonia knew what to say and who to say it to. Victoria advised Eddie to take a deal if offered, and she was pushing hard for one. 

Victoria only knew one thing, Derry needed to change.

XOXO

Maggie walked ahead of everyone else as they helped Ben out of the car, everyone happy that he got released. She was moving items out of the way, then making a good place for him on the couch. He had a check up in a week, and that would determine when he could return to California. Until then he was staying here, and Bev was staying too. Bev watched as he made a face as he sat down. The news had got back to California, though Ben left out it was Eddie's mom. No one needed to know that. 

Conor had been telling them while he needed to take it easy, he also needed to not be babied. Richie promised holding up the instructions that Sean Walling had given to him. Bill and Mike were next to Ben, Bill assuring him he'd go see his professors if he had to miss. Ben stating he'd get something from the hospital if that happens. Bev happily introduced Harper to him, they shook gently as Harper extended his hand. Later Bev confirmed that Ben had lost weight over the years, but Harper knew it didn't matter. It was clear that Ben was always just Ben to her. Harper knew the love and bond of these friends were unlike anything he had ever seen. 

Eddie returned with Wentworth, Ben had already accepted the deal so he did too. Eddie was glad it was over, but not everyone shared this. 

"I just don't know why..." Bev started voice trembling.

"She's agreed to return Eddie's money, pay Ben's medical bills, and she'll serve five years in a locked mental facility," Victoria told Bev gently coming to stand in front of her. "This community is still lead by fear and bigotry. In their eyes she was trying to save her son." Maggie laughed bitterly. "While Derry does respect mom and dad, there are rumors..." Victoria eyes went to Conor.

"Carl assured me there'll be a no contact order," Eddie interrupted Victoria not wanting to go there again. He looked over to Ben who gave him a reassuring smile. "Carl said her getting out in five years is also up to an evaluation, so she could end up staying longer."

"She won't," Richie grumbled taking Eddie's hand into his.

"Nothing is ever going to change here," Bill laughed bitterly, no matter if it's one year or ten Derry would always be evil. Maybe Eddie was right maybe it was a beacon.   
  


Bill felt sick to his stomach. Sonia had attached Eddie, had beaten Ben to the point he needed surgery, had stolen her dead husband's money that was for Eddie. Now she was pretty much getting off. She would spent the next five years in a mental hospital with the pity of most people in this town. She would keep on about how Richie had corrupted her son. People had hinted at the words she had been saying about Conor. Hinting that his relationship with Wentworth and Maggie wasn't proper. Most were not listening, Conor was well respected and had brought in great funding. But people like Donald were, people who only saw his orientation not his work.

It made Mike's blood boil. He never wanted to return back here, he wanted to drive out and never look back on the hell hole. He knew Richie wasn't as lucky as he was. His parents and Conor lived here, and they weren't planning on leaving. Victoria was moving back soon to do her internship. Richie would always have a tie to this town, and tie that he would never be able to break. Mike had heard the rumors more than once, Richie never paid attention to them. Or at least it never looked like he did, the way Eddie swooped in when Victoria began about it had Mike wondering. 

Poor Eddie. When he came back with Richie it would always be a reminder of what he had loss. His father's grave, and now the memory of what his mother had done.

Bev took Ben's hand, she was angry and sick. She knew that Eddie had been willing to fight, he wanted justice, real justice. There was no doubt in his mind right now that Sonia had a hand in his father's passing. Though he could never prove that, he could get justice for Ben. Ben who had almost died at her hand, but Ben was too pure for his own good. He didn't want that, he knew what it would do to Eddie in the long run. So Ben took the plea, and Eddie followed suit after Ben had begged him to. He'd get the money she had taken, Ben wouldn't have to pay for medical expenses, and she'd be locked up for awhile. It wasn't perfect but it would have to do. For now.

"Yes it is," Victoria stated standing up looking at them, face cold. "I accepted that internship in Chicago." Wentworth smiled looking at Conor who clapped his hands. "I'm learning what I need to learn to come back here and make a change."

"I thought you said no," Bev said confused looking at Maggie who shrugged looking stunned.

"I called them this morning," Victoria sighed looking over to her parents, then to Eddie and Ben. "Sonia got this deal because Derry's law are obsolete. The city council is full of corruption and racism," Victoria hissed looking to Conor who looked down in agreement. "Carl isn't much better with his _that's how it's always been_ attitude." Maggie bit back a laugh as she mimicked his voice. "This town need to change, we need someone to fight instead of just accepting it."

"That is going to take a lot of work," Wentworth warned her, he watched Victoria smile when she looked at Maggie.

"I can't just expect things to happen because I want them to," Victoria snapped looking from Maggie over to Conor. He had fought hard for his position, and still was despite all the good he has done. "I know this is going to take years maybe a lifetime of hard work and dedication." Victoria looked over to Harper who was smiling proudly at her. "I am going to get the tools and connections I need to make change happen. Nothing will ever change until someone stands up let's their voice known." Victoria was tired of fear running her life. "And I'm tired of sitting."

XOXO

Richie was upset. Eddie knew the signs. After Victoria announced her decision to move to Chicago to do her internship instead of moving back, and then began her rant about fixing Derry. Richie went silent. Eddie knew that Victoria had plans, and she wanted to make Derry something great, something they could be proud of. They all did, this was their home. All of them had been born in Derry, they had all been raised in Derry. Hell they fought an evil that preyed upon the weak for this damn town. But none of them could see Derry ever changing, no matter how much time went by. No matter how much she fought, all they saw were blood, tears, and emptiness. 

Derry would always be a void.

It wasn't the first time Victoria had brought up the rumors either. Everyone knew the rumors of Maggie, Wentworth, and Conor. It was one reason why Conor had stayed away for so long, people always talked about how close he was to the couple. He started to travel, made a name for himself, made connections, then moved back right around the time Maggie got pregnant. People began to whisper if the baby was Wentworth's or not. But then people always talked, but never to anyone's faces. Eddie knew how much it hurt Richie, especially due to Victoria. It was one way she hurt him as a child always telling him at least she knew for sure her father was Wentworth. It stopped once Bev came into their lives.

Eddie smiled at Riche who smiled back as they walked hand in hand. At this point Eddie was too numb to care about anyone else. if people had a problem with them holding hands he just didn't have the energy. Plus it helped they would be leaving within an hour. Richie was leading them somewhere special. Told Eddie it couldn't wait, they had to do it now. Eddie trusted Richie, he knew that if Richie needed to go somewhere he would follow him. 

Eddie suddenly realized where they were, The Kissing Bridge. Richie let go of his hand as he walked in front of him, and Eddie would not lie he was confused. He knew his face must have showed it because Richie started laughing. His eyes were twinkling face relaxed, it was the first time he seemed at ease since Victoria arrived. He stopped suddenly turned to look at Eddie laughing again as Eddie face crinkled up. Richie brought Eddie close, Eddie could feel his heart beating. He was terrified. That's when Eddie's eyes see it, R+E. 

"This had been here awhile," Eddie mumbled his fingers touching the letters. 

"Since that summer," Richie answered watching Eddie look up shocked. Eddie didn't need to ask what that summer meant, it was their code. "I can't remember a time I didn't love you Eds."

"When was the first time you realized your feelings for me were different," Eddie asked standing up curious, he saw Richie looking a bit confused. "Then how you feel about Stan or Bill?"

"Eddie I have always known," Richie admitted looking from him to over the bridge. "You have always been different."

"Even to Bowers cousin," Eddie asked watching Richie give him a glare.

"How about you," Richie asked turning to look straight at his boyfriend. "What made you ask me out on a date that wasn't a date?" It was Eddie's turn to glare.

"I got tired of crying," Eddie told him looking down to their initials. "I figured if I was going to cry why not have it over something real instead of what ifs."

"I'm sorry," Richie sighed leaning forward to kiss his forehead. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah," Eddie nodded laughing as Richie poked him. "But you're my idiot."

XOXO

It was almost four in the afternoon, and Mike wanted to get on the road as soon as they could. They had wanted to wait until tomorrow to start but Mike just wanted to get out of here, and honestly Richie wanted to see Stan. The drive from Derry to Florida was almost a whole day, longer if you were alone. Luckily there were three of them. Eddie being who he is had made a driving schedule for them within twenty minutes of them deciding to leave. Mike was impressed honestly. When he drove back with Stan, he could not ask Stan to drive. He looked so weak, so alone. 

Maggie watched Richie and Eddie pack their stuff into the car, wishing she had the dinner tonight with them she had planned. But Conor and Wentworth thought this might be the best. Richie had been on edge and Eddie needed to get away from this town. Mike watched as Richie said his goodbye to his mother, then his father and godfather. Bev hugged him tight, Richie laughed reminding her they lived together. Harper smiled when Richie hugged him to. Harper was growing on Richie, then gave Victoria a stiff awkward hug. So many things left unsaid.

Richie and Eddie walked inside to say their goodbyes to Ben. Ben who was not happy about being stuck here, he wanted to leave more than any of them. The doctor was pretty sure he'd be able to leave in a week, maybe two tops. Ben wanted to be out of this god forsaken hell. Soon Eddie was hugging Bill, who was leaving tomorrow. Bill needed to get back to California, he just couldn't be in this town anymore then they could. Mike had offered for him to join them but Bill knew that wasn't a good idea--not yet. Eddie knew he wasn't ready to see Stan, and Richie knew it would ruin Stan to see him. 

Slipping into the car Richie and Eddie gave them one last wave as Mike took off. They stopped for gas, loaded up on snacks until the first stop on Eddie's itinerary that Conor had printed for them. Richie closed his eyes to catch a small nap since he was the next up, and it would be dark when he took over. Eddie leaning his head against the cold window as they came to the city line. It was like a weight was lifted once they crossed that line. Like something was inside of them all, and the moment they crossed that line it was expelled from their body. Looking in the mirror Mike made himself a vow. He wasn't ever coming back to Derry, not if he could help it. 

Eddie smiled as music filled the car, Richie smiling as Eddie's voice filled his ears. 

"Hey Rich," Eddie said softly watched as they passed car after car, putting more and more distance between them and Derry.

"Yeah Spaghetti," Richie mumbled feeling himself relaxing into sleep.

"Next year," Eddie stated looking at Richie who was groggily looking at him. "Your parents and Conor come to California." Mike laughed as Richie gave him a tired nod in agreement.

Richie dropped his head, next year they'd all be together, he'd make sure of it--in California.

TBC


	5. New Years Renews Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie in Florida

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is safe and healthy. I just started my two weeks quarantine yesterday. We'll get through this. 
> 
> As I said before this chapter like the last one was split up because there was so much and I felt it being rushed. Mike is just overprotective, there's a plan there. 
> 
> Thanks to those who have messaged me. It means alot, comments, messages, kudos are basically food for authors. 
> 
> Thank you Jacey!

**Future Unknown: New Years Renews Part 1**

**December 27**

Mike had taken over for the last part of the trip, knowing exactly where they need to go the moment they started getting close. Mike could not explain the feeling that overcame him once they were within the city limits. None of them had talked about Derry in the almost twenty-one hours they had been gone. Until this moment it had not crossed their minds, it finally felt like he was free. It made Mike sad in a way that the place that held such roots for them was a place none of them ever wanted to go back to.

Mike knew without even asking Eddie that he felt freer than he did when they were in Derry. There had been a lightness to him since they left. A light in his eyes that he had not seen, well Mike could never remember seeing it. He was giggly and happy. Richie was bouncing out of his seat, looking at each sign with high anticipation. After the ninth time of asking how much farther Eddie told him to either shut up or they were pulling over. Richie rolled his eyes, while Mike laughed. It was nice seeing them act like they always had. Mike knew part of it was seeing Stan again, Richie had missed his best friend. Mike knew that Stan missed Richie. 

If Mike was being honest he kind of hoped that Stan missed him so much he moved. Mike didn’t want to hate Ryan or Kyle they were just bad news. They had introduced Stan to a life that Mike knew was a dead end. Mike knew it was his fault, he was the one who pushed Stan out of the apartment. He was the one who told him to make new friends so of course Stan clung to Ryan. He knew Ryan. Ryan was familiar so it was easier to let him lead. Mike would admit he liked that Kyle got him into a new hobby, but he didn’t like the late nights. He didn’t like Stan coming home in clothes that weren’t his, and sometimes not even in clothes.

“Are you sure your roommate doesn’t mind us staying with you,” Eddie asked for what felt like the hundredth time, it was Richie’s turn to roll his eyes.

“I spoke to Ryan yesterday,” Mike laughed smiling as he saw he was less than twenty minutes away from his apartment. “And before you ask our landlord doesn’t care what we do as long as we keep quiet and pay the rent on time.”

“Eds just relax,” Richie told him softly, trying to send him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie snapped making a crinkled face which had Richie laughing.

"Richie is right though," Mike told him gently, Richie watching Eddie lean back finally. Eddie looked out the window exhaling, he could relax.

XOXO

Stan was nervous, like stomach doing somersaults, hands sweaty, knees shaking kind of nervous. Stan almost considered cutting his hair, even made an appointment but cancelled it last minute. He had not cut it since he moved to Florida, so it had grown quite long in that time. Kyle liked it, and Stan liked why Kyle like it. That morning he had looked at himself realizing he liked his hair he didn’t want them to come and see the old Stan. He wanted them to see he had changed, he was different. Then he spent an hour in bed depressed at that thought until Ryan pulled him out to start cleaning.

Stan walked through the apartment one more time to make sure everything was clean. Mike had gone on and on about their apartment for days after he returned. Stan knew this was going to be a downgrade from the paradise that they lived in. Not that Stan cared, because he didn’t. Stan laughed at himself because he did care. He cared in the way that he didn’t want them to look down on Ryan or himself. He didn’t want them to have pity on him. He wanted them to see him like he was always. 

Unlike Mike.

Part of Stan didn’t know why Mike was going so crazy about everything. Mike was moving in the next couple weeks. By the end of the month Mike would be moved into his frat house. He would be living the life that Mike had envisioned in his head. He wouldn't be Mike Harlon the home school kid or the loser. He was Mike Harlon the football star. This apartment would just be a bad dull memory soon. Mike had begun to pack his things up before he left. As much as Stan would miss Mike, and despite their difference in opinions he would miss Mike, but Stan was excited. 

The idea of having his own room again made him so happy. It would be nice to have his own space, a place he could lock himself away in. Ryan had hinted at maybe letting Eli come stay with them, and Stan was okay with that. He just made it clear he wasn’t sharing his room. The only thing was he knew Eli was not like Mike, he would catch on to him and Kyle very quickly. Not that Stan was ashamed. He was nineteen, he was an adult with a full-time job. He just knew that Mike would find out. Stan honestly didn’t want to deal with that conversation until Mike was out of the apartment--or maybe ever. But then it hadn’t been decided because honestly Ryan also liked the idea of only having one roommate again.

“I’m excited to finally meet the infamous Richie Tozier,” Kyle admitted from the kitchen tossing a beer to Ryan who nodded in agreement.

“I probably should have mentioned one _small_ fact,” Stan stuttered then started laughing nervously as he looked at Kyle because yeah this was uncomfortable. “Eddie…”

“Mike already called.” Ryan smile gently, he wished Stan would relax, he had been so high strung the last few days. “Mike explained what has been happening down in your hometown,” Ryan frowned, watching Stan nod wide eyed. “He also mentioned Eddie is a germophobe with asthma, so he’ll most likely have an attack the moment he walks in.”

“Eddie is my ex,” Stan blurted out watching Ryan go wide eyed, and Kyle’s smile drop slightly. “The one I told you about.” Ryan nodded then looked at Kyle who took a big gulp of his beer empting the can. “We’ve moved passed the whole ordeal, so it’s not like it’s a thing,” Stan explained not knowing how to explain this without the whole truth. And they wouldn't believe the truth. 

“That explains a few of Mike’s comments,” Ryan admitted, because now it was all adding up. Ryan stopped turned to Stan as something hit him. “Doesn’t Eddie live with…”

“They’re best friends,” Stan explained face turning bright red in shame, while Ryan started laughing. He tried to stop but he couldn’t. "You're a bigger mess then me."

Getting out of the car Eddie didn’t understand what Mike had gone on about. Their apartment was in the middle of downtown area, like everything was in a few minutes walking distance. They weren’t so lucky. He and Richie rode bikes for the most part or used the bus. They were not this close to any area that everyone hung out in. Eddie smiled as he saw the buildings with art on them. Everything was so colorful, there were people playing music on the street corner. Eddie loved it.

The guy at the place they stopped to eat at was excited because both Richie and Eddie spoke Spanish, his English was broken. The man happily helped them take their food to their table, and told Richie about a free all ages show coming up on New Year’s. Richie looked down at the flyer smiling, seeing that people could still sign up. Eddie make a comment about him seeing if they allow people out of town. Mike quickly explained that the shows were disasters. They are not very well managed, and because of the late deadlines people barely get a chance to go on. Eddie shrugged said it might be fun if Richie decided to do it. Mike laughed stating that Richie’s joked probably wouldn’t go over well here.

Walking inside Mike rolled his eyes as Eddie helped a family by holding the door, they smiled at him shooting Mike sharp looks. Mike explained to them they had a small conformation a few months back and ever since then they haven’t liked him much. Walking up the stairs Eddie and Richie enjoyed the vibrant life of the building. Everyone in Richie and Eddie's apartment building lived quiet lives, and for the most part ignored each other. They loved it there, but sometimes Richie wished he lived closer to where all the action was.

“STANLEY!,” Richie yelled happily dropping all his bags, Ryan laughed as Stan jumped over the chair rushing towards the door “TRASHMOUTH!” Stan squealed, Eddie laughed as they hugged tightly pushing him down with a loud thud. Eddie laughed as Mike helped him up smiling at Ryan and Kyle who looked upon them knowingly.

“Hello, I’m Eddie,” Eddie stated extending his hand politely, Ryan accepted it smiling. Kyle grinned also taking his hand. Mike rolled his eyes as he brought the bags inside.

“What is that,” Kyle asked seeing the flyer Eddie was holding curious, he recognized the logo.

“Some all-ages show this guy was telling Richie about,” Eddie explained to them watching Mike rolled his eyes again. “Roll your eyes at me one more time Harlon.” Stan smirked as Kyle and Ryan watched shocked as Mike mutter a sorry with a blush.

“I’ve missed you Dr. K,” Stan giggled hugged Eddie happily as Mike walked off to Richie laughing.

Mike was exhausted but Eddie and Richie were excited to get out and see more of the city. Stan happily took them around, while Mike decided to take a small nap. Eddie kind of stood back watching Stan and Richie just be Stan and Richie. Sometimes he forgot just how well they balanced each other out. Richie was the one who saw Stan, stood beside Stan, believed in Stan when no one else did. Even Stan didn't believe in Stan the way Richie believed in him. There was a time when Eddie couldn’t look at him without feeling pain, but it faded. Eddie wondered just how much control he had over them until that day. Eddie also knew that pain wasn't on Stan's shoulders, not entirely.

Eddie sat down as Stan forced Richie to call the flyer. Stan had been to their shows a few times, so obviously he disagreed with Mike. Mike's opinion was based on that of his friends. Eddie watched as people just walked around them, it was so much warmer here than back in Derry. Eddie snapped a few photos of everything around him to send to Ben and Bill. Took a few of Richie and Stan to send to Bev and Maggie. Eddie was liking it here so far. He felt calm. After the last few days and his mothers pending charges and sentence he wanted to forget. He wanted to shut off everything and have a good time.

“They want to meet him,” Stan announced excitedly watching Eddie start clapping just as happy. “He told them a few jokes, and the guy was like, come in now.”

“That’s amazing,” Eddie laughed jumping up wrapping his arms around Richie who looked dazed. Stan smiled, he loved seeing them so happy. “Why don’t you two go, and I’ll head back and see if Mike is awake yet?”

“Are you sure,” Richie asked moving Eddie’s hair out of his eyes, still frowning at the bruises.

“Positive,” Eddie smiled at him bringing their lips together softly before pushing him away. “Now go Tozier, be brilliant.” Stan laughed, god he missed them. 

Eddie got lost twice on his way back, but he didn’t mind. If Eddie was being quite honest he enjoyed it. Eddie found three shops to buy from, a food truck event, and talked to several other people along the way. Eddie was having a blast, and they’d only been here four hours. He finally came upon a street he did remember from when they took off several hours ago. The sun was setting by the time Eddie came to the building. He smiled at the family he saw earlier giving them a wave back. 

Mike had called Eddie a few minutes ago, Eddie rolling his eyes as Mike had a panic in his voice. He knew that Mike was protective of them all, he wanted them to be safe. But he could also see why Stan was getting annoyed by him as well. Mike hovered just like Bev. He also thought that Stan was wasting his life. Eddie knew more than anyone Stan needed this time off. Stan had no idea what he wanted to do, Stan had no idea who he was now. Part of Eddie wished he had this choice, but he was stuck. He had agreed to attend four years with a 2.5 GPA, or he’d have to pay it all back. Luckily he had another year before he had to pick a major. 

Mike had told him the door was unlocked. Eddie was happily walking down the hallway smiling as he went feeling so carefree. The tiredness was starting to set in, they had been going nonstop since they left. Sleep wasn’t really an option in the car for him. Not good sleep anyways, and despite Mike’s opinion the sofa mattress would be much better than Mike's smelly backseat. Eddie shrieked as the door flew open with a snap and he was being pulled inside. His eyes were wide as Kyle was on the couch rolling his eyes while Ryan looked just annoyed.

“Are you okay,” Mike asked looking him up and down.

“Michael,” Eddie hissed pushing him away glare on his face. Kyle looked up at Ryan, Ryan who looked curious. “You need to relax and back off.” Mike stopped opening his mouth to have Eddie raised his hand. “Don’t.” Mike stopped nodded as Eddie fixed his shirt crinkling his nose at the wrinkles. “You can take these into your room, they're for Richie and Stan.” Eddie smiled pointing to the bags, Kyle watched as Mike obeyed.

“Can we keep him,” Kyle whispered to Ryan making Eddie laugh.

“Where are Stan and Richie,” Ryan laughed shaking his head lightly at his best friend.

“Stan took him to meet some guy about being in that show on New Year’s,” Eddie explained going to sit next to Kyle.

“Is he a musician,” Kyle asked as Ryan joined them from the kitchen.

“Comedian,” Eddie answered Ryan could hear the pride and admiration in his voice. "He's a drama major at UCLA."

“I remember Stan mentioning that,” Kyle admitted as Mike came back out. “His sister is a fashion designer right.”

“Beverly,” Eddie smiled getting his phone out showing them a picture. Ryan quickly got up taking a sit on the opposite side of Eddie. Stan had never actually shown him pictures. “That’s her boyfriend Ben and that’s my best friend Bill.” Mike sighed annoyed walking away as they both practically sat in Eddie’s lap to get an official good look at Bill. 

Richie was hyped up; he and Stan were both floating on a cloud. The guy he spoke to, Harper Van, was a local acting coach. This was his first year heading this event, and from what Stan saw probably his last. Or maybe they found someone to make the needed changes, Richie had said. So far this event had double the amount of band signed up than last year. He was short by five acts between the bands. Harper along with two others had asked him to do a small skit. Stan sat on the side giving him a thumbs up. Richie barely got through his second joke when they said he had a spot. Harper happily running towards him to shake his hand. The other two awestruck.

Harper excitedly got all the information he would need, while answering his questions. Richie and Stan met a few of the other staff, and a few of the other performers who were volunteering. One of them telling Richie he made it in time, the programs were going to the printers in fifteen minutes. Richie spelled his name, was shocked to see they were putting him on later in the day. He assumed he would be on earlier. Richie gave them some basic information about himself that they could use when introducing him. Harper’s assistant Dinah gave him the address and time they were doing a final meet. 

Stan was excited. He wanted Richie and Eddie to have a memorable time, he wanted them to want to come back and see him. It felt like no time had passed since he had seen Richie last. The moment they saw each other it felt like six hours had passed not almost six months. As they walked out laughing and joking like they did before they moved so far away from each other. Stan took Richie to his work to show him around. Richie of course had everyone laughing and eating out of his hand while Stan went in the back to check hours. Stan came out to even Shelly laughing. She quickly had them in a booth with food coming their way. Stan smiled, it felt nice to share this was Richie. 

They missed this.

“Congratulations man,” Ryan told Richie patting him on the back, Kyle watched Eddie eyes go sharp as Mike opened his mouth.

“Mike,” Eddie warned softly watching Mike sit up. “I think we could use those blankets now.” Kyle bit back a laugh as Mike grumbled but did as Eddie requested.

“You may be tiny, but you are lethal,” Kyle stated shaking his head as Mike rushed off. Ryan looked up as Richie snickered. 

“You don’t know the half of it,” Stan smirked.

“If it’s okay with Eddie and Stan,” Kyle started coming to stand next to Richie. “I have a ticket to a local comedy show starts in about an hour.” Kyle told him looking at his phone then back to Richie. “Our friend Ren was going to come with us but cancelled last minute.”

“I have no objections,” Eddie told Richie who looked at him, then at Stan who gave him a I don’t care shrug. “Go and have fun babe.” Richie leaned down gave him an exaggerated kiss with a loud smack then rushed off past Mike who looked at Eddie confused.

Mike wanted to close his eyes, wanted to groan and hiss. Mike wanted to march into his room demand that Richie not go, he knew this was a bad idea. Mike didn’t he just smiled as Stan explained that Kyle had an extra ticket to some comedy show tonight. Mike had heard about the bar too; it was rowdy, dark, and loud. Eddie went on about how this might help Richie relax, Eddie knew Richie was starting to panic. Mike took a seat watching Kyle watch him. Mike sent him a cold look he knew he did this on purpose in this moment. Kyle was pushing his buttons.

Mike didn’t like how Kyle was looking at Eddie. Mike picked up fast that Eddie was trying to be nice, and from Eddie perspective Mike was being rude and overprotective. Mike was annoyed sure but he reminded himself what Eddie had just gone through. Right now these two were the opposite of everything that Eddie knew. Mike knew right now Eddie was seeing things under shades. Eddie was in his way trying to rebel against his mother, against Derry. After a day or two of being here he would see how gross Ryan and Kyle were. Ben and Bill had told him how safe Eddie had been playing it. Eddie was finally free, and like Stan he was clinging to them. 

Ryan and Kyle were the opposite of everything they knew.

Richie walked out, Ryan and Kyle watched Eddie smile as he watched Richie comb his hands through his hair. The love in his eyes were undeniable, the way Richie smiled back at him was breathtaking. Richie was wearing dark faded jeans, white shirt and black vest. Kyle once again noticed his earring, recalls Stan telling him about it. Kyle could honestly say he was the dream of several guys and girls he knew. As they start to get ready to go Richie gives him a real kiss this time. Ryan smiles as Stan get comfy next to Eddie. He wouldn't lie Ryan found it weird they were still friends until Richie walked in. Richie blushed as Ryan and Kyle gave a sea of aww as Eddie yelled for him to be safe.

**December 28**

The plan was simple, take Richie out to see the comedy show that neither Ryan or Kyle wanted to go to in the first place. Kyle could see he was in a panic, Stan had mentioned this would be his first stand alone performance. Kyle didn't expect to like Richie this fast, Ryan didn't expect all their friends to like him. The moment they met him they loved him. Stan was right Richie just had this way of making someone feel good. From his smile to his jokes, he just made you feel. They weren't surprised to find that Richie had formal dance lessons or that he could do yoga. Richie had Kyle and a few others laughing until they cried. But he could also be serious. 

Richie didn't know who bought him the first drink or the second, he did know Kyle bought the first round of shots. Mike had been right, it seemed that if you came in with them no one asked for ID. Richie watched the show, made a few notes, and wrote down a few questions. Ryan brought over a few of them much like Eddie did back then. Richie liked talking to them, they gave him real advice of their failure and success. Two of them told him to remain in college no matter what. Richie smiled told them all thank you. 

Then Eli walked in, and things got real messy fun real fast. 

Eddie and Stan were watching TV, Mike had gone to bed hours ago. Well in truth Eddie had sent him to bed when he told them he was right and they were getting Richie drunk. Eddie rolled his eyes when he started to get pictures from Richie. They both laughed, Richie wasn't drunk but it was clear he had been drinking. A little past three in the morning Stan and Eddie looked up as Ryan and Richie walked through the door. Neither of them drunk but Eddie could tell Richie was also not fully sober. Stan had half expected to have to open the door for them, preparing to watch them fall inside waking the neighbors up--again.

"You didn't have to wait up Eddie my love," Richie smiled leaning down to kiss him gently, Eddie giggled as he tasted overpowering mint.

"Eli called about twenty minutes ago saying you were black out," Stan explained looking at Ryan who groaned dropping his head.

"We were at Lockout," Ryan explained as Stan laughed, Eddie giving them both a confused look. "That's the bar the show was at." Eddie nodded also started laughing as he watched Richie closely.

"I think Eli was the one headed to a blackout," Richie commented falling down next to Eddie, Stan looked up towards Ryan. 

"Kyle is taking him to his place to sleep it off," Ryan sighed walking to the kitchen, the worry in his voice.

"Still taking the breakup hard," Stan asked frowning, Eli had been going out more and more since his break up right after Thanksgiving.

"He was fine until Dwayne showed up with his new boyfriend," Ryan grumbled, Dwayne had been a friend until he cheated and broke Eli's heart. "Richie saved the night." 

"Save the night," Eddie questioned face crinkled up in fear as he checked for cuts and bruises on his hands.

"I didn't get in a fight," Richie promised with a laugh, Eddie eyed him. "Dwayne the douche was mouthing off, and I..."

"Did what Trashmouth does," Stan finished watching Eddie shake his head, but smiled.

"Never seen someone break so quickly," Ryan admitted looking at Richie in almost astonishment. "Your nickname makes a lot of sense now."

"I didn't even use my best material," Richie shrugged watching Ryan start to laugh until it hit him, that Richie wasn't making a joke.

XOXO

Eddie had been enjoying his day, way more than he originally thought he would. Kyle was a puzzle. With his long hair, rough looks, and what appeared to be dirty clothing he came off like Mike had said. But Eddie could tell right away his clothes were designed to look that way. Kyle smelled like fresh linen and ocean. Eddie knew right away he also used product because sitting next to him he recognized the smell to the same brand as Ben used. 

Eddie loved the smell of the beach; it was his favorite thing about where they lived. Eddie would get up in the morning just to go out to Richie’s patio to soak up the sun rise. He would watch Richie and Ben do their yoga or the people walking around. Sometimes he would just lose himself in the sounds and smell of the ocean. Eddie loved to just sit on the beach, dig his feet in the sand, and allow the beach and ocean to over take him. Maybe that's why he enjoyed this afternoon with Kyle so much. He had seen several beaches, walked along piers, and watched thousands of people as Kyle took his photos. 

Eddie had a great afternoon with Kyle, smiled when they came up to a cute house. Kyle explained it was his grandmother, Wendy. Meeting Wendy was fun, she was feisty, mouthy, and clearly lived the motto; age is only a number. Most importantly Wendy owned a beautiful piano in her living room. Eddie walked over to it, mesmerized. His father had one, but Sonia got rid of it a couple years back. Eddie had always loved music, something Maggie told him he got from his father. Sonia had allowed him to take music lessons until a few years ago, then she stopped them. Eddie had been crushed.

“You know how to play,” Wendy questioned softly, but it was clear they both knew he could. Eddie smiled at her, “Go on then.” Eddie smile as he sat down, takes a deep breath before his fingers skillfully start to move along the keys. Wendy gasp closing her eyes as the music filled her ears. When he stopped , she opened her eyes knowingly. “You were clearly formally taught.”

“Until about three years,” Eddie confirmed looking up at her sadly.

“Can you play other instruments,” Wendy asked sitting down next to him as he began to play another tune.

“Guitar and violin,” Eddie sighed looking up at Wendy who gave him a look, he laughed. “Mr. Lee also gave me vocal lessons.”

“But your parents never had you do anything with these lessons,” Wendy asked confused, parents she knew had plans for such efforts.

“My father died when I was young,” Eddie confessed softly, he could feel her stiffen. “My mother is complicated.” Eddie wasn’t in any mood to go down that road, not yet. “It was in my father’s will, that I had to have lessons until I was sixteen.”

Kyle came in from outside to hear the piano, he at first thought maybe one of his grandmother’s students were here. But that quickly went out the window because none of them were this advanced. Plus she usually ended lessons during the holiday break. His grandmother taught only young children so there was no way any of them could play this well. After they mastered the basics, she moved them on to one of her three partners. They took them from there if space was open, and usually it was. Many parents wanted to keep her, but she wasn’t about playing favorites. She also didn’t like stage parents.

Kyle expected to walk into the house to see his grandmother playing for Eddie. Eddie looked like the type of person who could be roped into listening to her play some of her favorite or maybe one of her original tunes. She had dreamed of playing in concerts halls across the world but gave it up for his grandfather. She had taught music for decades until it was cut from the schools. After that, she with three other friends started up their own business. Kyle stopped when he saw it was Eddie who playing, eyes closed as his voice filled the room. 

Kyle was taken back as Empty Chairs at Empty Tables began to fill the room. It was one of Wendy's favorite songs from one of her favorite plays. Kyle had only played it for her every year for her birthday and every other holiday since he could form words. Kyle leaned against the doorway as Eddie played it like a master. Fingers dancing across the piano like it was second nature, his voice catching each note perfectly. The emotion of each words shining through like a bright star. Kyle was just as mesmerized as his grandmother. He felt his own heart ache as Eddie finished.

“Magnificent Edward,” Wendy clapped as she wiped tears from her eyes.

“That’s high praise,” Kyle told him laughing. “I think I only got a good job.”

“Ignore him darling,” Wendy told Eddie happily shooing Kyle away with a huff. “I want you to promise me you’ll start playing again.” Wendy begged Eddie looked over to Kyle who shrugged. “Edward a talent such as yours should not be wasted or forgotten” Eddie looked down at the piano. "It would be a crime."

“I promise,” Eddie told her gently smiling when she hugged him.

“When you became famous and play sold out show across the world,” Wendy giggled pinching his cheeks as Kyle laughed. "I better get at least a formal thank you."

Eddie loved his day, until he returned to the apartment.

Mike tried to hide his annoyance that Eddie had opted to go with Kyle instead of him. He knew it made sense at the time, he really did. Mike and Richie were going to play basketball with a few of Mike’s frat brothers. Mike saw how unexcited Eddie was at that idea. Mike knew Stan was excited, he liked that Richie and Eddie were being blinded by Ryan and Kyle’s free spirit. It honestly didn’t shock him about Richie. Ryan and Kyle ideals were similar to that of Wentworth and Maggie’s own ideals. Mike understood why Richie was drawn to them. But Eddie?

Eddie had spent almost the entire day with Kyle due to Stan. Stan had mentioned Eddie wanting to do some sightseeing, Kyle offered to show Eddie around so he would be spared from frat boys. He had plans to drive around anyway to take some photos for a project his grandmother was doing. Now Eddie loved Kyle’s grandmother, went on and one about her. Kyle had dropped him off, then went to pickup Stan from his shift since he had placed an order anyways. Mike came back from one of his meetings to find Richie working on his skit, Stan in bed because he had the open shift, and Eddie doing a late-night trip to the store. 

Mike was just confused, was he being unfair to Kyle and Ryan?

**December 29**

Kyle liked Eddie. Though not in the way he liked Stan, but he did like Eddie. Eddie was smart, mouthy, and didn’t let anyone intimidate him because he was smaller. Kyle learned he also knew when to shut up, unlike his boyfriend. Eddie could also turn on this cute look that had people crumbling to dust. Kyle liked how easy Eddie was to talk to, it didn’t matter what it was he just listened. There was no judgment, he would just listen. It was also in those moments that Kyle knew Eddie picked up on things people didn’t. Yeah Kyle liked Eddie, and would be sad to see him go. 

Eddie liked Kyle and Ryan. He liked how free they lived their lives, Eddie wanted to be that free. It was why he loved Richie so much. Eddie wasn’t about to move out here, but he could see why Stan did. He realized that Mike was so caught up on their appearances that he had never got to see past the surface layer. The Ryan who did have a job, the Ryan who loved music and art, the Ryan who dressed the way he did as a protest statement to his parent’s ideals. Kyle was someone he wished he had in his life. He was an out bisexual, who had battled and won, he was secure in his attractions and didn’t allow anyone to make him feel bad. Hanging out with Kyle yesterday reminded him how much music meant to him.

It also taught him a few things. 

Eddie had kicked Richie out of the apartment. He had woken up with Stan went straight into working on his skit. Ryan had rushed off around ten, Mike had left around nine for some community service project. Eddie got up after everyone else since he had been out with Kyle the night before. Though they thought they cleaned, Eddie went a few more steps. By the time Stan was back around four the apartment was shining and smelling like fresh lemon. Stan walked in laughing like he expected this. Mike walked in, looked around like he didn’t know what apartment he was. Eddie laughed as he looked at his door to verify he was in the right apartment. Mike left shortly after coming home.

“Where is Richie,” Stan asked walking out of Mike’s room freshly showered, changed into a pair of sweat and t-shirt. 

“I kicked him out for a while,” Eddie explained motioning to the pizza that had just arrived. Stan grabbed a slice. “Use a plate.” Stan laughed but did as Eddie told him smiling as he grabbed a bottle of water.

“So…” Stan started taking a drink of his water.

“So, you and Kyle,” Eddie interrupted watching Stan go wide eyed as he choked on his water. “Don’t fret Kyle didn’t say anything.” Eddie smirked as he watched Stan nod, while falling into the couch next to him. “I found your shirt which is actually my shirt in his car last night.” Stan closed his eyes nodding. “He tossed it in the back made a crass joked about a hook earlier that day, that ended with a promise he disinfected his backseat...which I don't believe,” Eddie laughed as Stan turned bright red trying to not laugh. “Then I recalled you ran into the apartment yesterday after your shift claiming you ruined your shirt and needed a shower.” Eddie was smiling until he saw how pale Stan had gotten so quick.

“It’s a casual thing,” Stan stuttered nervously not wanting to look Eddie in the eye.

“I’m not here to judge you Stan,” Eddie assured him softly putting his hand on Stan’s knee giving him a light squeeze. Eddie exhaled a deep breath as he realized Stan was not moving to look at him. “You know our breakup wasn’t just on you.” Stan suddenly looked up wide eyed again, going to open his mouth to have Eddie raised his hand shaking his head no. “I should have said this sooner, my anger wasn’t all at you. Not after the fog so to speak lifted.” Stan watched as Eddie turned to look at him taking his hand. “Richie asked how I could forgive Bill so easy but not you. I realized it was because I wasn’t angry, I was ashamed. It was just easier to mask it with hate and harsh words.” Stan nodded. “I loved Richie, and if he had come up and said, dump Stan be with me I would have.”

“I’m still sorry,” Stan told him honestly, smiling as Eddie squeezed his hand tightly.

“Me too,” Eddie told him feeling a weight lift off him for the first time, Stan smiled feeling like for the first time he truly had his friend back.

Eddie had been so angry, so cruel to Stan following his dive into the water. He had blamed him for Richie being sick, had blamed him for Richie almost dying, Eddie blamed Stan for everything. Bill was sad because of Stan. Bill was angry because of Stan; their group was divided—because of Stan. Every time he thought he was letting it go images of Richie and Stan lying together in bed came back to his mind. Eddie didn’t want to forgive Stan. Stan had hurt him, betrayed him, he had destroyed Bill, and outed Richie. Eddie was justified in his anger.

Then Richie had to toss a wrench in the whole thing when Eddie said no to Thanksgiving. Bill wasn’t under come demon influence. Bill who was Eddie’s best friend, Bill who Eddie trusted on the same level with Richie had known what he was doing. He had betrayed Eddie’s trust just like Stan did. Bill had not once but twice slept with Stan. Yet never did Bill seem upset, guilty, or haunted by his actions. He had sat next to Eddie liek nothing had happened. How was it possible that Eddie could forgive Bill so easily for his part in that betrayal but not even attempt to forgive Stan? Who in Richie’s opinion was a victim.

That of course led to a fight between Eddie and Bill, because Bill had invited Stan over. Richie was right and wrong. The influence did effect Bill, but it wouldn’t have if something had not been there. Bill loved Stan. Bill had wanted Stan, and when offered he said yes. Eddie broke down, Bill hadn’t known what to do, so he cried with him. Looking at Stan now Eddie wondered if maybe he was the reason Bill stayed away. Biting his lip Eddie wondered if his outburst that day caused Bill to decide not to give Stan a real chance. 

Eddie forgave Stan, but now Stan needed to forgive Stan and Eddie needed to forgive himself.

“It’s fun,” Stan admitted laughing softly, because it was. “Kyle makes me forgot, makes the noises in my head go away for a while.” Stan looked over to Eddie who was nodding. “I don’t want to serious relationship him. Oh god he doesn’t want to date me…”

“No,” Eddie laughed the stopped when he wondered if maybe that was incorrect. Then recalled what he had seen. “I mean from what I have gathered you are both in agreement it's casual.” Stan laughed with him.

“Please don’t tell Mike,” Stan begged watching Eddie start to laugh.

“I can just imagine his face,” Eddie smirked.

“Utter disappointment,” Stan mumbled picking up his pizza.

“Like he’s not seeing anyone,” Eddie countered then stopped when Stan gave him a dead look. “Mike isn’t...Like at all?” Stan shook his head no. "But he's in a fraternity." Stan nodded taking a large bite of his pizza. “Is it like…I know his grandparents are very religious.”

“He just isn’t interested in it,” Stan explained leaning back watching Eddie face crinkle in confusion. “I think that’s why he gets so protective; we’re so used to the Loser dynamic that outsiders like Ryan are…”

“Seen as a threat,” Eddie finished thinking of Bev and how she acts around others. “Bev gets like that too. Whenever we are out, she like monitors everything. What we wear, what we do, who we talk to…”

“Guess we’ve only had each other for so long,” Stan sighed thinking of the past years. “It’s hard to just let go of how we’ve always been.” Eddie exhaled giving him a nod, as Mike walked through the door again.

XOXO

Richie was enjoying himself here. He knew he would, he knew once he saw Stan he would feel better after the Christmas they had. He knew that Bev was having a hard time with all of this, and he wanted to be there for her. But he knew he needed to see Stan, Stan needed him. Walking down the streets he stopped when he recalled that Andrea had given him a package for Stan. He didn't know exactly what she had given to him as it was wrapped with a note stuck to it but he forgot that she had given it to him. 

Richie was looking for inspiration for his small skit. He knew he shouldn't have much to worry about, he wasn't known around here. If this bombed than he would just move on with the experience, and vise versa. Harper and Dinah seemed to like him, tomorrow was the rehearsal meet up. Richie was excited to meet a few of the other performers but he was also terrified. It seemed he wasn't the only one from a different state. They had a couple bands from New York, a magician from New Orleans, and a married couple from Tennessee. Dinah said there may be more but those were the ones that stood out to her. She was excited to have someone _"talented"_ from California. 

Walking inside the apartment it was quiet. Richie looked around, the television was on but it wasn't Eddie watching. Richie laughed, it was a documentary on the evolution of birds. He heard movement towards the bathroom as Richie walked into Mike's room. He grabbed his bag digging around for what Andrea gave him. He wondered where Eddie was out to. Eddie and Eli met earlier today, they seemed to hit it off. Though honestly Richie would prefer them not to. He didn't mind Eli, but he also didn't trust Eli not to pressure Eddie into something. Stan had admitted Eli had got him into some sticky situations. Richie could validate Eli was a mess right now and Eddie was vulnerable.

"Thought I heard someone come in," Stan grinned going back to sit down on the couch. "Pizza in the fridge if you want any." Richie gave him a nod, slowly walking to stand in front of him. "Mike took Eddie out. I think he's feeling let out..." Stan stopped when he noticed Richie's face had remained unemotional. "What's wrong?"

"I went to see your mother," Richie told him softly watching Stan's face got colorless. Richie waited. 

"Why," Stan mumbled closing his eyes willing the emotions inside of him to just die, he didn't want to feel this.

"I don't know," Richie admitted moving to sit down next to him, god Richie felt sick. "I was walking and ended up there. Your dad was gone, so she let me in." Stan opened his eyes shocked. Then notice Richie was holding up a small package. "She asked about you." Stan tried to keep his face cold. "She also asked me to give you this."

Stan didn't want to take it, he wanted to be like "I don't need anything from them." He wanted to be cold and cruel, just like they had been to him. He was going to be, he was going to tell Richie to toss it out but then their eyes met. The words hit him, "she asked about you." He recalled the way she cried, the way she kept saying "no" and ending with "he's our son" the way she clung to him saying "be strong" over and over until Donald tossed him out. The way Stan could still hear her cry. 

Stan wanted to call her weak, wanted to hate her, but that was unfair. She had been raised a certain way by her mother, her father at least giving her some skills. He had hoped she would remain working with him, but Donald said no. He had allowed her to help out, but once she began pregnant it was forbidden. As strict in the faith as his grandfather was, Stan wondered if he had hoped Donald would be different. Stan didn't know what had happened, but he knew his grandfather had made a mistake. No one talked about it, but Donald always said his grandfather learned how hard being faithful to god was.

The truth Andrea had nothing. Everything she had was in his father's name, not hers, never hers. She hadn't been allowed to have a job, so the money that came in was Donald's. Her car was in his name, the house, the credit cards, everything she "owned" was in fact Donald's. She had been raised by her mother to be a good wife, then the mother that Donald had wanted her to be. She had never stood on her own feet, she had never made her own decisions, until now. She sent him a gift. 

Taking the package from Richie hands Stan wanted to cry, but he held them back. "No" Stan hissed putting his hand on Richie's leg as he tried to stand up. Stan couldn't do this alone, he couldn't walk this path alone. Richie gave him a nod, put his hand on his leg letting Stan know he was there. Stan's trembling fingers put the small note aside, slowly opened the simply wrapped package. This gift had clearly been wrapped awhile ago, the paper made a dry crinkle sounds. It was black, which was honestly a weird color for this time of year. Stan stopped when he realized what he was opening, and why the wrapping paper wasn't more seasonally colored. 

It was his grandfather's pocket watch.

"A pocket watch," Richie stated then looked to Stan's dazed expression. In that moment Richie knew exactly what this was. "This is your grandfather's isn't it? The one you were supposed to get at your bar mitzvah." Stan gave a small silent nod. His mother had been broken when Donald refused to allow Stan to have it. Claiming he would get it after high school, but then he had been disowned. For some reason he was set on Stan never inheriting this watch.

"He hid it from her," Stan whispered looking up to Richie who frowned deeply. Stan had never told him that. "He told her he wanted to present it to me, and then he hid it so she couldn't find it." Richie felt like his heart was breaking into a million pieces. Stan held up the note, his frown deepening. "This was just written, she had just bought this stationary." Stan looked up to Richie who shrugged confused.

"You don't have to open it yet," Richie told him gently covering Stan's hand with his own, Stan shook his head no. He was going to be brave, he was going to open the note. Out fell two pictures. One of his grandfather and Stan before he died. "She loved this photo of us, my two favorite boys she would say." Richie smiled sad, the other photo was of Stan and Andrea at his graduation.

"Will you..."Stan begged lifting the note, stopping then trying to open his mouth again. Richie took the note nodding.

"My precious boy," Richie started watching Stan smile as he closed his eyes, like he was trying to hear her voice again. "Your grandfather would be so proud of the man you have become, and so am I. Never allow the ignorance of man to justify their hate by religion. Stand tall my darling boy, walk this path knowing you have god's acceptance and my love. I will always be with you. Mom." Stan gave a small pained laugh as he held the watch tightly.

"She still loves me," Stan whimpered as the tears started to fall. Richie wanted to say something, wanted to make a comment to lighten the mood but couldn't. Instead he just hugged Stan, holding him as he cried it out.

That night when Mike and Eddie walked in, they joined them on the floor. Ryan didn't bother to ask why the four of them were sleeping on the floor when he came home.

TBC


	6. New Years Renews Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Richie in Florida

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You everyone who has left kudos, and who has messaged me. Kudos and Comments are food for authors. I just submitted the last two chapters for beta reading, so hopefully by this weekend you'll have another chapter. 
> 
> Thank You Jacey!

**Future Unknown: New Years Renews Part 2**

**December 31**

Ryan woke up the day before to Eddie scrubbing walls. Then he walked in yesterday evening and found a _clean_ apartment. Not like Ryan’s mother was coming over and he didn’t want to listen to her complain type clean but like clean _clean_. Eddie must have used the carpet cleaner on every carpet at least three times, stains Ryan swore had been there since he moved in were now gone. Every dish had been washed, first by hand then by the dish washer that Eddie had somehow got fixed. He had started to ask why but Richie stopped him motioning for him to follow. Ryan had watched him scrub at plates then move them to the dishwasher. 

Richie’s face was sad, Ryan listened as Richie explained that Eddie deals with his emotions by cleaning. When something is bothering him, or he feels any negative emotions he will clean. Sometimes it is just reorganizing a shelf or washing the walls, but sometimes it takes longer deeper cleaning. Richie looked like he was in pain himself. Stan had mentioned Eddie’s mother was not quite right and had passed some bad habits onto her son. Kyle came up, when Ryan filled him in Richie face turned from sad to angry when Kyle asked what upset Eddie. Mike’s friends had made it very clear they didn’t like Eddie when Mike had taken him out. Mike thought it was in Eddie’s head until they said Richie was more than welcome at their New Year’s Eve Party, but Eddie was not. Mike didn’t know Eddie heard him. 

Richie watched as Eddie’s carefree attitude switched, and that broke Richie. 

Eddie was better today; he didn’t seem so in his head. Richie had explained that Eddie had a hard time making friends and connecting with people, while Richie didn’t. Richie didn’t understand how people couldn’t love Eddie. Kyle smiled watching Richie watch Eddie. To Richie Eddie was the best thing in any of the trillions of universes. Both Ryan and Kyle didn’t hesitate to think Richie would give up his entire world if it meant Eddie would never stop smiling. Kyle knew it wasn’t about the party, they had already agreed to go out with Stan that night. It was more about feeling unwanted, and that broke Kyle. He knew that feeling too well.

“What smells so good,” Ryan asked peeking into the kitchen watching Eddie moving around so at ease. 

“That would be Eddie’s top secret takes twelve hours to make spaghetti sauce,” Stan smiled as he walked out freshly showered after his long shift.

“It doesn’t take twelve hours,” Eddie argued rolling his eyes as he checked on the meatballs. Ryan was sort of shocked that he got them all basically the same size. “You all are just impatient.”

“You’ve been cooking for hours,” Richie exclaimed dramatically tossing himself on the couch.

“Go take your shower,” Eddie told him, Kyle laughed as Richie squished up his face before hopping up to do as he was told. “Your clothes are laying out on Mike’s bed.” Richie stopped turned to look at him, Eddie raised his hand. “No, it’s not your outfit with the vest because that is still wet since you waited until two hours ago to tell me it was filthy, and it has to air dry.”

“It wasn’t filthy,” Richie mumbled with a pout, Ryan couldn’t hold back a snicker at Eddie harsh glare at him. “You know Bev….”

“Already talked with her,” Eddie told him hands on his hips, giving him an impatient annoyed stare. “She has given her seal of approval for you wearing it during your act tomorrow.” Richie’s eyes went wide, he forgot he needed an outfit. “Yeah we figured you wouldn’t think about that until last minute. I also picked you up a new shirt.” Richie nodded happily as he walked towards Mike room to grab his stuff. 

Richie and Eddie were that couple. They were that couple long before they were a couple to be fair. Eddie knew Richie better than Richie knew himself. Richie threw himself into making up his act, he was starting to wonder if maybe Mike was right. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this. All the people who were in this had been preparing for months if not all year, and here he was coming in and doing something he tossed together.

Richie Tozier was insane. 

Eddie knew by the way he had been going from that to his time with Mike and Stan plus his other outing he had not thought about what to wear. So he called Bev she had been thrilled with the idea of him wearing the vest on his first solo performance. Eddie had of course worded it perfectly. She had been over the moon excited that even though she was in Derry he was still taking a part of her with him. He had the shirt she had told him to buy, and it all came together when Richie asked if his vest was clean or not. 

It was not.

“Richie and Bev create something for each other to wear on New Year’s Eve,” Eddie explained catching Ryan and Kyle’s confused expressions.

“Last year they knitted,” Stan explained sitting down on the couch.

“The year before that they bought this design your own shoe kit,” Eddie laughed recalling the wacky designs they came up with.

“So they did a vest this year,” Ryan asked recalling the vest Richie had already worn.

“Sort of,” Eddie sighed, trying to not get a headache. “Bev designed the vest from his old jean jacket that ripped in the arm because he got caught while jumping out of a window,” Eddie recalled how disgust overtook his annoyed panic when he watched Bev pull the jacket out of the trash. “Richie spent the last year designing and then creating her a jean jacket.”

“Designing,” Ryan questioned confused.

“It took him three months and twenty-three thrift stores to find the perfect jean jacket for the base,” Eddie began unable to keep the irritation off his face. “Then he spent another three months dyeing it to the color he wanted, and two more months after that changing the buttons, and adding other small details.”

“That’s a lot of work,” Kyle laughed in amazement, Richie didn't seem to do anything half way.

“That’s nothing compared to their birthday celebration,” Stan argued not hiding his frown, he’d miss it this year. He really didn't want to. “The Toziers love holidays and parties.”

Eddie rolled his eyes as he went back into the kitchen. He knew that for Richie is more than just a celebration or holiday, it was about Bev. She had been so shy, and reserved that Richie thought of this as a way to break the ice. That was the only year Victoria participated. Maggie had bought them white shirts, Victoria did the tie dye, Bev designed the front, Richie wrote Tozier on the back. The three of them dressed up in the tie dye shirts and wacky hair, Maggie loved the photos. It was the first picture they hung up of Bev, it was the moment Bev started to believe--she had a family.

Their birthday celebration was like nothing any of them had seen to date. They always dressed up, there were always games, and they always acted crazy. Stan had no idea what they were doing this year, but he knew it would be fun. Bev had already called him, but he just couldn’t afford to travel. He also didn’t want to make Bill uncomfortable, which he confirmed he did. Bill had not contacted him once this holiday season. He never liked or commented on anything he posted. Bill was making it clear he didn’t want Stan in his life.

This hurt Stan more than anything else did, but he understood. Maybe someday Bill will forgive him. 

“Did you fix our dishwasher,” Stan asked seeing it working silently without a smell. Ryan looked into the kitchen frowning. 

“Donnie fixed it this morning,” Eddie stated simply, Stan looked at Ryan who looked just as puzzled. “He also replaced your microwave.” Eddie smiled watching Ryan look up to see a brand new black microwave where there used to be a stained white one. “He’ll be here next Tuesday for your air unit, he had to order the part.”

“Who is Donnie,” Kyle asked studying Stan and Ryan’s awestruck yet confused face.

“He’s the head of the building’s maintenance,” Eddie answered pulling the container of garlic butter he made earlier from the fridge.

“Wait the tall bald guy with the neck tattoos,” Kyle inquired looking up at Eddie with eyes. “That yells at everyone.”

“He’s partially deaf,” Eddie told them coming into the room, Ryan looked at Stan who just shrugged. “His hearing aid broke last year and he needed a referral to get a new one.” Stan just blinked at him. "He's got it just in time for Christmas with his sons." 

“How did you finally get him to fix the dishwasher,” Stan asked confused and slightly worried, Mike had been asking since he moved in.

“I placed a work order,” Eddie stated simply not understanding their expressions. Eddie pointed to the magnet on the fridge. “You just go to that website." Eddie saw their face has not changed, so he walked over to get the magnet. "Once one this website you click the complex you live in, fill out the maintenance request form, then the form is sent to your building maintenance department.” Ryan looked at Stan who looked as dumbfounded as he did. “Did you not know about this?”

“My old roommate gave me a phone number, he never mentioned a form or website,” Ryan mumbled blushing, then looked at Stan. “Didn’t Mike say he spoke to Donnie about the dishwasher.”

“Oh,” Eddie mumbled like something clicked. “Donnie did say someone left him a few messages about a dishwasher. But all the message said was, dishwasher smells. When Donnie tried to call they left no one ever answered, and they never said what apartment they lived in.”

"Looks like there's also an app," Kyle told them pointing to the bottom, Eddie nodded.

Stan groaned dropping his head back, picturing what he was going to do to Mike when he saw him. They had spent months not using the dishwasher unless they needed to, because the smell was so horrid and vile. Ryan’s old roommate had told them the microwave could not be replaced. Stan was used to colder weather than Florida so the heat not always working didn’t bother him since it stayed in the sixties here. Though that was not the point, the point was that Mike needed to obviously learn how to leave messages. 

Kyle smiled at Eddie. The more he got to know Eddie the more he could see why Stan had dated him and why Richie loved him so much. Eddie was like this ray of light. He cared so much for others, that some may think him weak or a pushover. But Kyle had seen him stand his ground, he had seen him be assertive and dominate. Eddie was a puzzle, and Kyle wished he could get a chance to form a real friendship with him. Kyle had this feeling they could be good friend. They appeared to come from similar families, had similar interest, and Eddie wasn’t scared of being who he was. 

But most of all he could see that Eddie needed a friend. 

Eddie had mentioned his best friend was Bill. Which to be honest didn’t make much sense from what he found out from Stan. Eddie was a kind soul, and he is sure that it took him time to forgive them, but Kyle was still confused. He heard about Ben, and he sounded nice, but he was with Bev. Bev was basically Mike, and Richie’s sister. Kyle had this feeling that Eddie didn’t have anyone to truly confide in. He was sure that Bill probably tried, but it was clear they were different. Eddie was trying to discover who he was, and something told him that Bill was someone who may be stopping that. Not on purpose, but even Richie a few times made comments. Everyone wanted to protect him. 

Richie walked out fixing his earring, Kyle had to admit if he didn’t know him he’d be on him in a heartbeat. He was tall with long legs and broad shoulders; Kyle tried to not even think about his large hand. Then there was his personality in addition to his dark curls and bright blue eye on ivory skin. Kyle would have to be a fool to say he didn’t notice him. Richie was the guy you noticed. Kyle watched as Stan giggled when Eddie got on his tippy toes for a kiss as he instructed Richie what to watch as he showered quick. 

Eddie Kaspbrack was something special. 

XOXO

Ryan opened the door to let in Kyle’s band that was coming to eat with them, Eddie had been excited. The idea of cooking for more people truly appealed to him. Kyle was the lead singer, then there was the lead guitarist, Reno. Reno was what you expected when you said beach dude. Blond hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, and one of the most chilled laid back attitudes. The girls and guys flocked to him, but to their dismay he never noticed them. His eyes were on his now wife, who was still in college. The one called Radio was their drummer, Eddie and him hit it off quick. Richie didn’t like him, except he kind of did. Radio was hard to hate.

Radio came from a Cuban family, who he had not spoken to in two years given the fact he was gay and they were strict Catholics. He always had his hair dyed, when Eddie met him it was green and red, but he changed it earlier today to a vibrant blue, that seem to shimmer. His nails were neon colors of the rainbow, and he always had on bracelets. Eddie was one of three people he told his real name to. He liked being Radio. Their base player was MJ. Michael James-Jonah Jones. At age seven he found Spiderman, and decided he liked the name MJ because they both had red hair. His mother still gets angry about that. MJ was a bit of a wild child, which didn't bode well for his conservative family. 

The entire band loved Eddie, because of Stan Kyle knew of his nickname Doctor K. So, they called him Doc. Walking out Stan smiled as they all said their hellos to him. Kyle watched Richie watch everyone around Eddie, and he tried not to feel annoyed. He knew that Richie loved him, he knew Richie wanted to take care of him, but he also knew that Eddie wasn’t weak and in need of a caretaker. Their idea of protecting Eddie astounded him. Eddie’s normally carefully fixed hair was a mess, his clothes more relaxed, he looked different.

“Where did you learn to cook,” Radio asked looking into the kitchen eyes wide as he watched Richie line up the food, there was a lot of food.

“My mom insisted,” Eddie told them shooing Richie away, Richie rolled his eyes.

“How long have you two been together,” Radio asked, Kyle did not miss Richie heated look towards Radio.

“Almost fifteen months,” Richie stated, Ryan watched Stan take an interest walking towards them now.

“Officially maybe,” Stan laughed but Kyle knew it was forced. “But you two have always kind of been…” Stan tried to come up with a word as he waved his hand around Richie and Eddie, Richie laughed as Radio watched. “Well you know, Richie and Eddie.” Kyle could tell Eddie wanted to say something, instead he just looked at Kyle who shrugged.

“Everyone can line up,” Eddie stated shaking his head. “You start by washing your hands with soap and drying them with a clean paper towel this is not optional.” Ryan snickered as he looked at MJ who was known for just wiping his hands on his jeans. “Then you pick up a plate, silverware, and napkins then start down the line.” Everyone nodded as Eddie turned to point at the food. “Noodles, sauce, there are two types of meatballs. Then the salad mix and garlic bread. Parmesan cheese is next to the salad dressing. There’s ranch and a vinaigrette” Eddie turned to Mike who had his mouth opened. “Yes, Mike I made my dad's vinaigrette.”

Richie didn’t know if they were truly intimated by Eddie or if their desire for the food was that great, but everyone listened. Each person washed their hands, Eddie making sure they did it for the full twenty seconds. They dried them with the paper towel, tossing it before picking up their plate, silverware, and napkin. They went down the line, each grabbing a good amount. Reno smiled when he saw that Eddie had prepared some breaded chicken, that looked to have been cooked in the sauce. Not one person did not take some salad. Richie and Stan looked at each other, what had Eddie done during his time with them.

Mike watched as they all sat at the table, their normal loud and crude remarks were silent. Ryan was happy when Eddie mentioned he made sweet tea and lemonade, no one commented after Eddie said they needed to hydrate. Mike, Stan and Richie watched with curiosity. The loser usually ignored Eddie when it came to this stuff. They knew Eddie was trying to take care of them, but who cared if their hands were a little dirty. Why have a salad when you can have extra spaghetti or whatever else was being served? Both Richie and Stan went back as everyone looked at their plate and saw no salad.

Seriously, what had Eddie done to them?

“So,” Kyle grinned looking at Mike. “Mike what are your plans for tonight,” Kyle asked attempting to hold back a laugh at his expression.

“My fraternity is hosting a mixer,” Mike stated softly not missing how Eddie stiffened then turned from Mike to Ryan. Mike would not be played with. “How about you all?”

“Our band is playing at Lockout tonight,” Kyle answered taking a drink of his tea, looking over to Richie who was looking at Mike.

“Shouldn’t you guys be there by now,” Mike stated looking at his watch, it was almost seven.

“Show isn’t until nine, so we’re not due until eight,” Reno told him taking a bite of his food.

“We set up earlier,” Radio explained leaning back in his chair, Richie could tell the dislike of Mike went wide. “That way we’d have time to shower, eat, and relax.” Radio watched Mike nod, giving them a smile that they all knew was fake. But if he was going to be nice, so were they. “Richie you ready for tomorrow.”

“I almost called twice to cancel,” Richie admitted suddenly feeling his stomach sour at the thought.

“We’ve been there,” Kyle promised, Richie looked up to see everyone nodding.

“You’ll kill it dude,” MJ laughed patting Richie on the back. “And even if you don’t we’ve all been there, just live and learn.” Richie nodded. He knew this but the idea of failing brought Victoria to mind. “My first time on stage by myself was when I was fifteen, I was in the drama club.” MJ turned his attention directly to Richie, blocking Mike’s view of him. “It was for improv night. I fell flat on my face and broke my nose. Everyone thought it was a part of my act.”

“Worse part was his father forbid him to be in drama club,” Ryan laughed recalling that night. “So, Kyle and I hit beat each other up, called his dad to tell him some jocks from our rival school jumped us.” MJ started laughing, he had forgotten that part. “Did your dad ever find out the truth?”

“I honestly don’t know,” MJ admitted face going blank as he thought about it.

Richie knew that maybe MJ story should not make him feel as good as he did, but it honestly did. He knew very little about Kyle’s band, but it was nice to hear their stories. There was no way their stories would match the struggle that he and The Losers went through. But Richie and the others knew there were more than one type of suffering. They picked up fast that their town wasn’t what one would call normal. The evil that had been there had changed everyone, and maybe in time that would heal. 

Richie watched as everyone got a second plate following Eddie’s order once again. Richie sat back smiling, he liked how happy Eddie was. He liked how relaxed Mike was getting. He knew Mike didn’t like Ryan or Kyle and probably would give a hundred thanks when he finally moved out. But maybe now he would see that Ryan and Kyle weren’t bad people they were just different. Ryan was smarter than he let on, Richie felt like he was just lost. Richie had watched him code an entire website like it was nothing. Richie wondered what Ryan did like or if he was still trying to find that, find himself. He assumed Ryan was a part of Kyle’s band, but he wasn’t. He was getting that he didn’t like the business hour aspect of work, which Richie could relate to.

Richie was trying not to be upset with Mike despite Eddie telling them all he understood. It wasn’t Mike who thought Eddie was weird and a freak, it was his new friends--his _brothers_. Mike made sure that Richie knew he defended Eddie, but that was maybe what made Mike understand. His frat brothers took one interaction with Eddie and judge him, deemed him unfit to be seen at their event. They had spent less than two hours with him, but they cast a judgment on him, that Richie knew stung. Once again Richie had proven he could make friends anywhere, and Eddie had proven he was alone. Richie understood Mike had his life now, but he couldn’t help but feel like they were losing him. Like somehow after this trip one by one they would all faded away. 

Richie was scared, he didn’t want to be forgotten. 

**January 1**

The night had been great, honestly it had been better than great if Richie was being honest, well up until now. It was honestly crazy how easy Kyle’s band could sneak people in. Richie and Stan had been stuck to Eddie for the first hour before Eddie told them to go off. They had argued but Eddie just shooed them away. Reno’s wife, Stormy, was here, once Kyle introduced them she promised to take good care of him. That was their first mistake. When they returned a while later she was painting his nails black as they waited for the guys second set to begin. Richie slipped away quickly the moment he heard the words “they are soulmates” out of Stormy’s mouth. Eddie was great at girl talk. Richie didn’t know if it was because he was a good listen or something else. But he and Bev could spend hours talking while she gives him a manicure and pedicure.

Once the night went on, Eddie and Richie danced and kissed to ring the new year in. Then they danced with Stan, until Richie was tired of dancing and sat back down. They were all having their own kind of fun. Stan had been taking pictures all night. Richie had been dancing, some with people, some with Stan or Eddie, but mostly by himself. Eddie liked watching the band, then laughed as Stormy giggled when Kyle pulled him on stage. Richie and Stan made their way to the front to watch him. Eddie just shined.

Then everyone started to get ready for midnight. At midnight Eddie kissed Richie like no one was watching, Stan kissed some stranger he'd known less than fifteen minutes. Everyone laughing and giggling as balloons, confetti, and glitter flew from every directions. Stan snapped a few photos of Richie and Eddie to send to them later. Then a song played that had Stormy pulling Eddie with her to dance, Richie clapped his hands as Mike appeared. All seemed good until it hit around 2am, and no one could find Eddie—or Stormy—or Stan. 

Richie did not like this feeling.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!” Kyle yelled into his phone Richie eyes went wide as he ended the call abruptly.

“Did you find Eddie and Stan,” Ryan asked weakly already knowing the answer, Kyle looked to Richie and paled.

“Stormy went to see her brother,” Kyle started softly his voice strained to remain even. “And…well.” Kyle was going to kill Stormy, Reno had his eyes closed already knowing what to expect. “Eddie and Stan might have, sort of, well maybe kind of...got a tattoo.”

“Excuse me,” Richie stuttered as Mike started laughing in his seat, Ryan was just sure he misheard. 

“Stormy’s brother Ty, is a tattoo artist,” Kyle explained not wanting to get Richie anymore upset than he might be. “His shop is about three blocks down from Lockout.” Reno had his face in his palm looked up only once to see how stunned Richie was. “She went down because her friend had just finished her piece on her back….”

“How did my germophobic boyfriend and Jewish best friend end up getting a tattoo,” Richie exclaimed unable to envision either of them in a tattoo parlor. "Eddie practically faints when someone says the word needle."

Kyle didn’t have the words, Ryan along with Richie was just confused, and Mike fell off the couch laughing. He was glad he ditched the party for this.

XOXO

Eddie blinked opened his eyes to sunlight, then turned his head to feel pain in his arm. He had expected his head to hurt, he had expected to feel bad, maybe even like death. He had been intimated at first but Stormy had rolled her eyes and laughed. Going to sit up he realized that first of all he was not in the right bed, nor was he by the right person. He also realized his pain in his upper arm was not fading, so it was not that he slept wrong. He looked down to see his nails painted black, okay he recalled that.

Stormy. She had been touching up her nails and offered to paint his. She had been bored, he was bored, so he said yes because why not Bev does it all the time. Then some girl gave him the bracelet, it was black leather. It apparently belonged to her now ex-boyfriend. Eddie recalled selfies, a lot of them but Stormy made sure they hid where they were at. She was good at that, she seemed to know just how to do it. Also helped they couldn’t tag him, so to many he was just some random guy at some random place on New Year's Eve. 

Eddie winced slightly, why did he hurt so bad. Looking around Stan was still asleep next to him he could hear movement outside. What happened last night, he recalled Stormy making him dance then Stan danced with them. Than after that it started to blur, he recalled a girl. A girl with green hair, then a guy. He was nice, all smiles and tan skin. The guy and Stan had talked for a bit, then he recalled Richie. Richie who seemed upset but then was laughing, Richie who faded as he fell into this bed. 

Looking up Richie peeked in, his face full amusement and something else--something _evil_.

“You’re awake,” Richie grinned walking into the room, he looked smug, like almost too smug.

“What did I do,” Eddie frowned then hissed again looking down wincing badly as he touched his arm.

“I would be careful baby," Richie told him gently face full of concern, that quickly shifted. "You don’t want your tattoo to become infected,” Richie now smirked walking towards him.

“Tattoo,” Eddie gasped wide eyed looking down lifting the sleeve up to see it wrapped. "Oh my god." Richie laughed.

“Seems you and Stan had quite the adventure last night,” Richie told him as Mike walked in smiling just as wide and smug.

“I don’t remember,” Eddie mumbled looking at his arm, Richie wanted to laugh more but Eddie looked so embarrassed.

“From what we could gather you picked Stan’s and he picked yours,” Richie advised smiling at Stan who was awake, Stan hissing sitting up as Mike laughed. “We’ll give you guys a few moments to wake up, Mike made breakfast.”

Eddie looked over at Stan who looked just as dazed as he was. Stan sat up groaning as the room spun just for a moment, then looked down at his wrist. His wrist that had a wrap around it, and he felt like he was going to die. Closing his eyes, Stan tried to put together what had happened last night. Bits came to him. He recalled looking at his phone to see Bill being tagged by his new girlfriend, in some sappy post about being apart on New Years Eve. The picture she used, he looked good, he looked happy. Bill would never want him.

Stan recalled accepting a drink he shouldn’t have from Ryan who understood. Stan knew he had too much already, but he didn’t care he just wanted the pain in his chest to stop. After the letter from his mother, and now this, he just felt like everything was too much. He recalled Eddie pulling him out to dance, he recalled more music. Then he recalled Richie, Richie who started yelling then laughing. He recalled Mike giggles, he kind of remembered Kyle’s voice and Reno chuckles. Both he and Eddie had been a mess last night. Way too many shots thanks to Stormy.

Stan watched Eddie unwrap his arm, Eddie started laughing. There are on his right arm forever would be a bird on a branch. Stan closed his eyes unable to think what he had. He had heard Richie stated that he picked Eddie’s and Eddie picked his. If Eddie had allowed him to pick a bird then what on earth had Eddie picked. He had visions of an inhaler, or words of inspiration, or something as ridiculous. Unwrapping his own Stan turned his wrist over and stopped.

Eddie had done better than Stan had, there was no question about it. There on his upper wrist was the vintage compass he had shown Eddie days ago. Stan had loved it, and so did Eddie. Stan didn’t know why, but it had spoke to him. Stan looked up at Eddie. Eddie smiled at him; a memory came back softly to them. This was more than a tattoo, this was a promise. 

_“This way you’ll always find your way back to us, no matter where we are.”_

“Not one word,” Eddie snapped looking at Richie and Mike who both were biting their lips to keep from laughing again. “I mean it!” Richie held up his hands. "One word and all your jokes about an overused hand will be your future." Richie turned to look at Mike face suddenly serious.

“It could be worse,” Ryan assured Eddie softly. Ryan frowned lifting his shirt up to show his tattoo on his chest above his heart, that were three badly drawn heart connected together. “I was seventeen, and my girlfriend at the time had a friend who did tattoo parties. I ended up in the ER with a horrible infection.” 

“Always figured I would be the one getting a tattoo,” Richie admitted eyeing the one on Eddie’s arm. “I really like it Eds.” Eddie felt himself blush at the way Richie was starring at the contrast of the black ink against his pale ivory skin.

“We should all go and get one,” Mike stated eyeing the compass on Stan’s upper wrist, then up to Richie who was eyeing Eddie’s arm. “As a group.”

“Not a bad idea Mikey,” Richie agreed looking up towards him as he pushed his glasses up his nose. “We’ll have to plan it sometimes we’re all together.” Richie eyes go to Stan who just gave him a sad nod.

Stan looked down at his wrist, he would be down for getting a group tattoo. Stan wasn’t so sure that Bill would be, he had this thing about them. But than again a year ago he would have fell out of his chair laughing if someone told him Eddie got one. Life changes in a blink of an eye. Ryan told them both not to touch their tattoos, they were still healing. Ryan walked them both to the bathroom to check them out in the light. Then gave them the run down on the aftercare process. Richie smiled when Ryan had already printed it off for Eddie to keep.

Eddie was still in shock he got one. Apparently they had taken pictures last night, and Stan even took a video. Eddie groaned at how crazy they were acting, but Richie just seemed to laugh it off. With Eddie’s approval Richie sent out a group chat with pictures. Bev of course freaked out. Richie had to call her to keep her calm, and Eddie just rolled his eyes. Eddie barrowed one of Stan’s t-shirts, because his clean ones were long sleeves. Ben and Bill were shocked, but Eddie could imagine them laughing after Richie sent them the video. Despite her annoyance Bev along with Ben and Bill agreed on a group tattoo sometime soon. But something told Eddie it would be a bit. 

Richie liked how relaxed Eddie was. His hair was a mess, his nails still painted black, he was in a worn graphic tee and faded jeans. He was still wearing the bracelet, and Richie had not mentioned he hadn’t taken his pills in days. When they walked outside Eddie took his hand like it was normal, it wasn’t. It wasn’t that Eddie was against PDA but he like the rest of them were still in a Derry state of mind. Stan of course snapped several photos of them, one with his phone to post for everyone to see. Stan was so proud of how out and proud his friends were. Derry was a thing in their past. 

Tomorrow they left, and Eddie was sad about that, he liked it here.

XOXO

Eddie was not used to getting attention. Richie got attention all the time, Eddie understood why. Richie was the kind of guy anyone could be drawn to, it was natural. When a few guys and even girls came up to him and flirted he was stunned. Then he was amused, Richie didn’t get jealous but apparently he was. Eddie wanted to giggle when Richie attached himself to Eddie the moment Radio arrived. He could hear Stan promising Radio isn’t making moves on Eddie, he’s always like that. Richie just turned back still giving the poor guy death glares. Eddie found it kind of hot. 

Soon Richie had to go backstage, Stan and Eddie rolled their eyes when Richie gave Eddie a dramatic kiss goodbye. Eddie didn’t mind. Normally it was him who got jealous, normally it was him making a fool of himself because of a random hot guy. Eddie found himself feeling kind of warm and floaty with the idea that Richie was jealous. They both knew neither would stray, but it was also pleasing to know that Richie was scared of losing him. They had started to get better at communication, but Eddie at times still felt--unwanted. Like maybe Richie was settling when he could have someone--well more. 

Eddie knew that Richie loved him, he knew that Richie said he wanted him, that he desired him. But sometimes Eddie would catch him looking at someone else. Tall, tan, blonde hair with bodies that were toned and perfect. Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if Richie was in fact settling for what he knew. Then something like this would happen, he’d get jealous or Eddie would see the heat in Richie’s blue eyes. Eddie knew at least for that moment, that someone did want him. That someone saw him for who he was, not for who he showed the world he was. That felt great. 

“Richie should be on stage soon,” Eddie advised happily. 

“I am liking this look on you,” Kyle admitted looking Eddie up and down, Eddie looked away blushing. 

“I look about the same,” Eddie laughed looking himself up and down, then up to Stan and Mike who looked disbelieving. “Don’t I?”

“No,” Mike replied before anyone could stop him, looking towards the stage.

“That’s not a bad thing Eddie,” Stan told him softly as he sat next to Eddie, wishing Mike had been gentler. “I don’t look the same as I did.” Eddie looked over to Stan, he was correct. Gone were his sweater vest, and neatly gelled hair. “Neither does Richie or Mike, that’s part of leaving Derry. We get to be ourselves.”

“Yeah, you look more,” Mike started then stopped not really knowing how to word it. “I don’t know, like…maybe…you.” Eddie frowned confused by his words. “You aren’t wearing the clothes Sonia picked out for you or how you think you should look based on how she made you think the world sees you.” Eddie looked down at himself, he had not thought of what his mother would think of his clothing in awhile. “You didn’t even ask when Stan last washed that shirt.” Eddie eyes went wide as Stan giggled. “See didn’t even cross your mind until I brought it up. This is a good thing Eds.”

“Just for the records, it was washed two days ago,” Stan assured him patting him on the leg.

"Oh my god," Eddie gasped then tried to hide his blush, this was the shirt that he saw in Kyle's car that was originally his but his mother made him get rid of it. Kyle started laughing.

Soon they were watching Richie on stage, and Eddie was so proud. Richie walked out like he owned the stage, like he had done this a million times. From the moment he walked out to the moment he left, he had the audience entranced. Laughter and clapping could be heard over conversations, Mike who had been against it was dying from laughter. Eddie sat there smiling, as he watched Richie just come alive. The moment the first laugh happened, he watched Richie just open up like a blooming flower. His entire aura shinned brighter than the sun. If Eddie hadn't already been in love, he would be after that performance.

Eddie understood. Playing with Kyle’s band was like a natural high. The fear and anxiety rushing through your veins, then that first clap happens. Suddenly it faded, then you have pure adrenaline pumping through your body. You don’t have time to over think or analyze you just go with it. In Richie’s case it was editing jokes, making a few new ones to go with what the crowd was liking. For Eddie it was just playing, going off what Kyle was telling him to do but also what his instincts told him to do. 

Eddie looked up to see the few comedians that had gone on earlier today, eyes wide with envy and maybe a little hate. Eddie knew they were well liked, but Richie was on a different level. Richie wasn’t doing what they did, complaining about exes. His jokes were centered around living in a horrible small town then moving to the big city of LA. He went into a few jokes about his coming out, and about his mother and Conor. Eddie nearly died on those. Later Maggie would laugh as she already gave him permission, but Victoria would scold him. But right now, in this moment Richie felt unstoppable, nothing could touch him. No one could bring him down, he had everything. 

“You were amazing,” Eddie exclaimed jumping into his arms both laughing. Richie’s heart was still beating, his head spinning. “I am so proud of you Richie.” Eddie kissing him soundly on the lips, Richie letting out a small moan as Eddie fingers went through his hair.

“You did great man,” Mike told Richie, smiling as Eddie let him go, but he could see Richie was breathless. “Ryan taped it, and Stan took a bunch of photos.”

“Awesome,” Richie grinned, feeling like he was walking on live wire, Eddie's hand under his shirt. His entire body was just bursting with energy. “This has been the craziest Christmas break ever.” Stan laughed pulling him into a hug, sticking his tongue out at Eddie who glared.

"You can fuck him later right now we're celebrating," Stan remarked Mike turning bright red, as Eddie flipped him off while Ryan and Kyle laughed.

Stan pulled Richie away, there were several food trucks. Everyone from last night congratulated him, each boosting about how great Richie was. Then people from the crowd started to come up, each wanting to know more about him. Two girls gushed when he introduced Eddie as his boyfriend. Richie was walking on cloud nine. As he came back to sit down Richie was almost sad to be leaving this place, but he also knew this wasn't where he was meant to be. 

Looking over to Stan and Eddie talking, he knew they were meant to be in LA. Eddie was coming alive because of this place sure, but he knew once they got back he would just continue to grow. This Christmas break had been the most wild crazy one of their lives, but it had also been the most important. Eddie was finally free of his mother, and the world finally knew her for her true colors. Though the religious fanatics may stand behind her, for the most part people saw her for the monster she is. 

Sitting on the ground he smiled as Eddie sat in between his legs. Richie closed his eyes as he took in the scent that was his Eddie as he wrapped his arms around him. Kissing the top of Eddie head as Eddie chatted with Stan and Mike about something. Kyle watched them happily, Richie and Eddie were two of the most tactile people he had ever met. Not just with each other. No. they saw nothing wrong with hugging other people, he had seen Richie more than once kiss Mike and Stan on the head. It was kind of refreshing to see a guy who was openly emotional and affectionate. So many of his friends felt they needed to put on a show, but not Richie. He really wished they were staying longer. 

Kyle watched Richie watch Stan, and he knew. Richie was going to miss Stan, more than words could ever express to anyone.

**January 3**

Stan woke up like he did every day, except today he was once again sad. Richie and Eddie were gone, and god knows how long it'll be until he sees them again. Life was back to the way it was before they brightened up his life here. Mike had seemed to back off a bit, but he knew that Mike would never truly like Ryan and especially not Kyle. He was still packing his stuff to move in a couple weeks. Walking towards the bathroom, Stan could not stop the ache in his heart. For a few brief days he had been happy. Like he didn't realize how unhappy he had been until Richie walked in. Richie had been here, Eddie had been here, and they liked his life. They didn’t try to tell him what to do or how he should live or expect him to have a grand plan for the next five years. They just wanted him to be Stan. 

Eddie didn’t judge him for his casual relationship with Kyle. Eddie was Bill’s best friend, but he had not been quiet about how he didn’t like how Bill was going about this. He knew that Bill was hurting, but cutting Stan out was not fair. If Eddie could forgive them both, if he could see past their messy past than Bill should be able to. Maybe it was different for Bill. Bill had loved Stan, Bill had given a piece of himself to him only to find out that it was never Stan he gave his heart and body to. It was the evil, Pennywise had corrupted the last of his innocence. 

“Eddie left a cleaning chart,” Ryan told him holding up a very detailed and colorful excel sheet.

“That’s Eddie,” Stan laughed going for the coffee.

“He separated in Daily, Weekly, and Monthly tasks,” Ryan told him waving it in front of him, Stan gave him a "okay" look.

“Just toss it,” Stan shrugged almost laughing at Ryan’s wide eye expression. Like he looked as though Stan had told him to break a major law. Which honestly they do all the time when they sneak Stan into bars. “It’s not like he’ll know.”

“We both know that’s not accurate,” Ryan grumbled, Stan giggled. Stan, Mike and Richie found it curious and hilarious how everyone reacted to Eddie. “What!” Ryan’s eyes were wide with deep confusion. “He may be tiny but he's …" Ryan gulped as he tried to think of the right words. "Quite scary.”

Mike walked out to Stan laughing hard. Mike had heard the movements in his room, but hadn't thought of anything until he heard Stan laughter. He had been packing the last of his stuff, he would start his move next week. Part of him hated that he was just now getting to see Ryan, it would be easier if he still hated him deeply. The last few days of Richie and Eddie being here had made him see. He was so stuck on the past, them being The Losers Club. After hearing Bev rant about things, and then scold Richie for Eddie getting a tattoo. Mike began to wonder if that was what he was like. So he tried, for Stan. 

Stan needed him to be his friend not his parent. Stand needed to know that he still had an ally in Mike. That even though he was moving in with his frat brother, that Stan would always come first. He made that clear to them, and was happy when they came to apologize. Mike reintroduced Eddie at the Battle of the Band on New Years, watched wide eyed as they all came in contact with a much different Eddie Kaspbrack. Mike would never have a choice, The Losers will always come first. 

Stan wasn’t going to go to Harvard. He wasn’t going to magically become the person they all thought he would be. They had visions of him being an accountant or following in his father’s footsteps. Mike had to accept that only Stan could decide what path Stan would take. It was Mike's job to be there for him. Stan was as he said a little lost right now. So was Eddie. Both of their lives had been dictated. Now for the first time they were on their own. They were making their own life choices, and they were terrified. Stan may not be going down a road they all thought he would go, but Ryan had made one thing very clear. He wasn’t going to let anyone hurt or ruin Stan or his future. Mike and Ryan may not be the best of friends but Mike could tell that Ryan saw Stan as a brother. That meant more than Ryan knew. 

“Ryan is scared of Eddie,” Stan explained gasping for air while still laughing, Ryan watched Mike smile. “Eddie made us a cleaning chart, and he won’t let me toss it.”

“Eddie can be…” Mike tried to find the word. “Intimidating.” Ryan nodded pointing to Mike. “I think we’re just so used to following his lead, we don’t see it.”

“I don’t follow his lead,” Stan argued still wheezing from the laughter.

“He had you organize your clothes the first day,” Mike reminded him, Stan opened his mouth then shut it. “He mapped our trip here. Do you think I stopped anywhere that wasn’t on his itinerary?” Ryan shook his head no, already knowing the answer. “The answer is NO." Mike made sure he said the no very loud and stern. "Because I knew he’d freak out. Plus if Eddie planned the trip the way he did then there must be a reason so why venture off course.”

“I honestly wished I had friends like you guys,” Ryan admitted softly, Stan gave him a weird look. “Sure, Kyle and MJ knew each other since high school. But when MJ left for three years to wherever he went, we never heard from him. Then he came back like he had never been gone refusing to talk.” Stan opened his mouth again. "Kyle and I go through times we don't talk. I don't know why, he'll just tell me he needed space. Then months or even a year or so later he'll text me he's having a gig. Then we're good for a while," Mike nodded most people assumed that would happen to them. “To know you have someone no matter where they are located in this crazy world, is kind of rare in my experience.”

“We’re losers,” Stan told him softly looking down to his tattoo.

“And we always will be,” Mike finished smiling sadly as Stan looked up.

Both knowing there was no way they could explain it beyond those words.

TBC


	7. He Loves Me...Not...Maybe??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day, then the Tozier Twins Birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it took so long, but damn did I hate this chapter. So I rewrote it because it was a mess. So rushed, and it just didn't flow. 
> 
> Thanks for kudos!
> 
> Thank You to my beta reader Jacey!

**Future Unknown: He Loves Me...Not...Maybe??**

Last Valentine’s Day had not been special for Richie or Eddie, they had barely been together a few months at that point. There had been some dance they went to, but everyone went as a group mostly. Eddie had told Richie he didn’t expect anything special. Days after Valentine's Day Bill had told him how much of an idiot he was. When Eddie had said he didn’t need anything special he didn’t mean for Richie to just ignore the entire day. Eddie had been crushed, but like Eddie does, he never said a word. When Richie asked about it, Eddie just shrugged it off like he does. Richie knew he blew it. 

Richie wasn’t romantic. He didn’t do flower or poems or grand gestures. He didn’t buy the perfect gift that had people’s heart bursting with joy. He didn’t realize that when Eddie said he didn't expect anything special, he didn’t mean forget the day and pretend like it’s a normal day. Eddie had to watch Ben flowering Bev all week with small gifts. He had to hear her gush at home dancing in circles going on about their perfect date. Eddie watched with a smile that Richie now knew was fake as Richie made jokes on how silly she was being. Eddie had to help Bill pick out something for the girl he liked, while he got nothing. 

Richie felt like a jerk. Mike had said it was an honest mistake, Eddie would understand if he explained but Richie still couldn't shake the way his stomach hurt. Because Stan wouldn’t have listened. He would have spent the time looking for the perfect gift. He would have realized that Eddie meant not to go crazy, or to make a big scene. Stan would have at least got him a stupid card, but Richie wasn’t Stan. He wasn't the perfect boyfriend who picked up on those thing. When Eddie handed him his small gift Richie just made a joke and tossed it aside. That according to Bill, left him shattered for days. 

This year though, this year Richie would make up for that—he hoped.

“Maybe you can get him some counseling,” Bev offered sitting down at their table inside, Richie sent her a glare. "Ever since Christmas, he's been like having like a personality crisis.”

“I like his new look,” Ben replied coming from the kitchen. 

“He has blond hair,” Bev shrieked face crinkled, then turned to Richie. “And Bill says he’s getting another tattoo."

“He’s happy,” Richie snapped at her, she frowned then turned from him. “His mother tried to kidnap him, almost killed Ben, and had been stealing his money for years.” Ben watched Bev let out a deep breath then turned back to look at Richie. “He not having a crisis, he’s trying to figure out who he is.”

“Plus, he only dyed his hair because you told him he wouldn’t go through with it,” Ben laughed taking a drink of his juice, Bev eyes went wide. “Baby, you get very motherly…like all the time.” Richie started laughing then gave a nod. “And well, Eddie spent his entire life being told what to do. I think the more you push him to not do something the more he’s going to do it.”

"So maybe stop being his mother," Richie told her sternly. "And start being his friend."

Richie knew that Bev meant well, she really did. Eddie had made a lot of changes since their return from Florida. He had joked about dyeing his hair, Bev had made a cruel remark. The next day he dyed his hair blond, then started taking surfing lessons. Richie would not lie he liked the tattoo. He like how long Eddie’s hair was getting, he liked that Eddie was getting more confident. Eddie didn’t freeze when Richie took his hand, he didn’t shake his head no when Richie went in for a kiss. Richie liked that Eddie wasn't hiding behind the voice of his mother in his head, he was simply Eddie.

What Richie didn’t like, was the attention. When they walked in a room all eyes were on Eddie now. Richie had always seen Eddie it didn’t matter what he swore or what weird obsession he was in he saw Eddie. Richie liked Eddie knew they wouldn’t stray, but it was still annoying. Richie had to hear all the time how they were still young, they weren’t meant to be with the same person. It hurt sometimes that no one could understand that Eddie was it for him. He knew without a doubt that Eddie felt the same. He knew every those big brown eyes looked at him. Eddie was his, and he was Eddie's. 

XOXO

Eddie walked inside his apartment to find flowers, he assumed Ben had got them for Bev until Bill asked if he saw his flowers. They were beautiful. Eddie hated roses, not only because they made him sneeze but also they were so overly done. Right in front of him though, were the most beautiful wildflowers he had ever seen. They were so many different vibrant colors, they took his breath away. Ben and Bill cooed at him, Eddie couldn’t help the blush that grace his cheeks. Eddie knew that Richie felt bad for last year, which Eddie still told him wasn't anyone fault.

It had been stupid of him. He had told Richie not to worry about a gift, but then when he acted like it was just another normal day he had been hurt. Every time Bev came up to them giggling about her flowers or candy or silly stuffed animal Eddie was jealous. He had spent weeks picking out Richie’s gift, and it felt like a kick to his face when he tossed it aside like it was nothing. Eddie knew he should have told him, should have been more vocal but he hasn't. When Richie asked him, he just shrugged because he knew Richie would feel bad. So, it was clear that Richie was going to go overboard to make up for doing nothing last year.

Monday was the flowers, Tuesday was a stuffed teddy bear, Wednesday was dinner delivered to him via Bill because Wednesday was his busy day. He had classes all day, and then went straight to work so he didn’t usually get time to eat. Thursday which was his late day he woke up to Richie cooking breakfast. Richie refused to listen to him when he said he didn’t need all this. Bev told him later that day that Richie did need this. He wanted Eddie to know that he meant something, their dad went crazy around Valentine’s Day. He woke up Friday and decided to stay home. Richie smiled ear to ear. 

A whole day together.

“Chocolate for breakfast,” Richie mocked a scolding tone that had Eddie giggling. “So what is the plan for today?”

“I figured we’d just stay in bed until whatever you planned for tonight,” Eddie admitted looking up to Richie who smiled. “Unless you had something in mind.”

“No bed sounds wonderful,” Richie agreed, they rarely got time to themselves. Richie groaned when Bev walked through the front door. Of course.

“Don’t you have class,” Bev remarked looking at Richie then to Eddie confused, trying not to frown at his hair.

“Taking the day off,” Richie answered as he watched Eddie cleaning up his mess. “Don’t worry you’ll have the apartment all to yourself come 6pm.” Bev looked at Eddie smiling softly, Richie smiled as Eddie rolled his eyes.

“No,” Eddie told her , watching her look confused. “I can’t tell you what Ben got you,” Eddie laughed watching her face crinkle up into a pout. "He's worked really hard on this, trust me it's worth the wait."

Beverly left soon after, Richie pulled Eddie back into his room both of them laughing as they tore each other's clothing off. They had both recently bottomed, and Richie enjoyed both but Eddie loved Richie inside of him. Love straddling him, riding him, loved Richie's hands in his hair, their mouths together as they chased their own high. Richie loved as Eddie nails clawed at his back, as his teeth sank into his flesh. He loved when Eddie left marks that couldn't be explained away. He loved that people knew just how wild and crazy his Eddie could be, but sometimes he left them hidden. A secret reminder. 

Flipping Eddie over, Richie pushed inside of him slowly watching all the air leave Eddie's body. It was no secret that Richie's jokes about his dick were never jokes. The one thing Richie learned quick were joked based on truth were funnier and sweeter. Eddie loved this part, the sting of the stretch, the way Richie's eyes were wild as Eddie made these little mewing sounds. The moment Richie began to move Eddie's small whimpers became more of screams. Eddie wasn't quiet in bed.

People would probably assume Richie would be loud, because he was in life but he wasn't. Eddie would start off quiet, but then he lost himself in the feeling of Richie. Richie large hands that had become a kink for Eddie were on him, touching him, soothing him, driving him closer and closer to divine madness. The feel of Richie's dick pushing inside of him, stretching him, guiding him to a point where he didn't care who could hear him. Richie loved him like this. Under him or on top of him, just acting on pure instinct, clawing and pushing his way to orgasmic bliss. Richie loved the way Eddie's mouth tasted as he came, it was his favorite Eddie taste. 

This was their world.

"Your neighbor is totally going to report us this time," Eddie mumbled, throat cracking, laughing then coughing as Richie giggled falling next to him. "I'm serious, he hates me."

"Carl wouldn't dare," Richie assured him turning to look at Eddie. God he loved how Eddie looked after sex. All flushed and bright eyed, skin just glowing. "I sort of caught him selling pot before we left for Christmas break." Eddie went wide eyed, that was actually surprising. "Since then we've come to a non-verbal agreement." Richie sat up, Eddie followed him. "He stopped complaining about my noisy sex with my boyfriend and I in turn don't tell his wife his new _organic_ venture isn't exactly legal." Eddie nodded catching a small glimpse of himself in the full mirror of Richie's closet.

"Do you hate my hair," Eddie asked pushing his fingers through the sweaty wet mess. "I can change it back to brown." Eddie had been so mad, he didn't think he just acted.

"Oh, Spaghetti," Richie smirked leaning forward to kiss the top of his head. "I don't care what you do with your hair." Eddie smiled so purely, that Richie felt himself glow in return. "Come on we should showered and change these sheets."

"When did you get so hygienic," Eddie asked secretly kind of turned on way more than he would admit.

"I want us to nap before tonight," Richie told him moving to get out of the bed. "And I know you won't sleep until we're both clean, and on clean sheets." Eddie smiled because it was true. Richie knew him so well. "I even washed all my sheets yesterday, so they're all freshly dried and folded in the drawer." God did Eddie love this man.

Richie laughed as Eddie jumped on him Richie falling back in the bed as Eddie went to his knees. Eddie still could not take all of Richie down his throat but god did Richie loved that Eddie liked to practice. Hands sliding through Eddie's now longer blonde hair as Eddie's lips wrapped around the tip. The flat of his tongue pressing into the underside, massaging as his hand twisted in that one spot Richie liked. Eddie moaned as Richie's hand tightened, god he loved Eddie having longer hair. Richie tried to give him warning as he came, his come sliding down Eddie's throat. Eddie loved this part, the part Richie forgot to be gently he just wrecked him.

Richie whimpered as Eddie licked him clean, he was overly sensitive but god did Richie loved this sight. Someday he was going to ask Eddie if he could take a picture. Richie sitting up, Eddie on the floor on his knees, his small pink tongue licking his lips and fingers. His mouth bright red, swollen, and abused. He wouldn't be able to speak right for hours, if not for the rest of today. Eddie's eyed were just as red and wet as his lips and chin. Richie reached forward connecting their lips licking into Eddie's mouth swallowing his gasp as Eddie found himself on his back with Richie above him on the bed. 

They'd get to the shower, at some point. Right now was just them, and an empty apartment.

XOXO

Richie looked down at the ring that Eddie had got him. Not an engagement ring, or even a promise ring as Bev had wanted to call it--and does. Eddie had sat there on the beach as they watched the sun set, and handed him two boxed. One was the ring that Richie had been looking at, but it was for Eddie. This ring was a statement. Eddie would wear his ring, now until the day they married. In return Richie would wear the ring Eddie picked out. 

Someday, they would get married. There was no question about it, but Eddie and Richie both knew that wasn't for awhile. But people didn't understand that. 

Richie had dreams, he had aspirations, and so did Eddie. Not that that meant they couldn't do that married but marriage should be more than just a next stage, a thing to check off. So there on the beach, they made a promise no marriage until they were over thirty. It may seem silly or stupid to people, but it made sense to them. Especially after what Eddie knows in his heart happened to his father. When Richie married Eddie he wanted a grand wedding.

Richie's parent wedding was what they could put together, most thanks to Conor. Her parents had objected. Richie wanted more than that, he wanted their wedding to be a statement of them and their journey to that point. It didn't need to be expensive or over the top, but then he was who he was. Eddie would want something simple and quiet, but Richie wanted everyone to understand this was their moment. He wanted them both to have all their dreams at their finger tips, then they would get married to top it off. That was their dream. 

Then they would start the next phase as a married couple. Maybe buy a house in a quiet neighborhood, plan a family, do some minor projects. Or maybe say screw it, and do some crazy wild adventure together. Both Richie and Eddie saw it. This was their plan, their future. 

Then Eddie cried as Richie showed him his present, a guitar. Richie had called Conor for gift ideas, Conor had this guitar he never used. He never told Richie this, he told him he knew a friend who wanted to sell it. Richie had been excited. Conor never told him he put the money away. One day when Richie and Eddie did get married he'd give it to them. Richie waited until it came, Bev had kept it hidden in her room so Eddie wouldn't accidently see it. 

Valentine's Day Year 2 was a success. 

"I just don't get why you don't want to get married until after you are thirty," Ben admitted looking at Bev confused, who also shrugged.

"I do," Bill smiled looking at them both. "In two or five even seven years when people ask, why aren't you married yet." Richie rolled his eyes at Bill's attempt at a British accent. "They can say, _'We made a promise_." Richie and Eddie grinned widely. "This gives them the freedom to choose when to get married on their terms, not society, or their friends, or parents." Bill said looking at Bev.

"Only you two," Bev smirked standing from the table, not missing how Bill's smile didn't go to his eyes.

Not everyone's Valentine's Day was a success.

XOXO

Stan starred at his phone for what seemed like the hundredth time today. Bill had switched his status to single. According to his one update Valentine’s Day was evil. Stan had nothing to go off of since they no longer talk, but he had since deleted any and all pictures of the girl he had been seeing. Falling down on the couch Stan wanted to feel bad but he felt sick. Like he shouldn’t still be looking at Bill’s social media everyday like he still was. He should not be waiting for a phone call that never came, but he was. 

Stan was pathetic. 

Valentine’s Day he spent with Kyle trying his best to forget everything, in ways he knew was not healthy, but Stan didn’t care. From the way his chest hurt at the sweet romantic post Bill made for his perfect girlfriend. To the way Eddie and Richie looked so happy. Richie had taken Eddie out to a nice restaurant. Though Eddie had stated he tried to get him to just stay in but Richie was a man on a mission this year. Stan knew how serious Richie was taking this holiday. It was actually adorable, he wanted to make up for his mistake. Though yes Eddie was slightly hurt but he understood that Richie went off what he said. It wasn't his fault, Eddie should have communicated better.

But once Richie set himself to something, there was no stopping him. The look of love on Eddie's face as they flashed their rings was enough to prove, Richie had done good. 

Stan looked up as the door slammed shut, Ryan walked in stomping around. Stan sat up watched him sling his coat across the room and storm towards his bedroom. Ryan had been touchy lately. It seemed that Kyle had done something that Ryan did not approve of. Ever since then they’d been on a thin line. Any little thing would set them off at each other. At first, he thought it was because Ryan discovered they had been having sex for months, but Ryan just shrugged it off. Told Stan he was an adult, but to be careful both sex wise and heart wise.

But now Stan was curious if that was just a lie.

“Did something happen?” Stan asked gently as Ryan walked aggressively into the kitchen.

“Did you know that Eddie and Kyle talk,” Ryan asked grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge. Ryan looked over to see Stan’s face. “Like they text all the time.” Stan opened his mouth. "Like they send each other pictures, and recordings."

“Yes,” Stan confirmed softly standing up, eyeing Ryan carefully. “He’s also been texting Richie.” Ryan’s shot him a weird look then took a gulp of beer wishing it was stronger. “What’s wrong Kyle?”

“I don’t know,” Ryan admitted walking past him to the couch. “I’m tired man.” Stan went to sit next to him, Stan knew this had been coming. “Kyle lives for this life. He thinks his band will make it but… but I am just so tired all the time.”

“He didn’t take your going back into web development well I take it,” Stan guessed watching Ryan nod, Stan looked down.

“I am working for myself, it’s not like I am working for some evil corporation,” Ryan grumbled shooting himself up. “I miss building websites, I told myself I hated it but really I hated the idea of being forced to settle down into a cookie cutter life.” Stan could understand that, Richie feared that life as well. “I am working on my own schedule, they agree to my terms, and my pay.”

“Kyle is scared that he’ll lose you,” Stan explained gently watching Ryan turned to him. “You did get an offer to work in New York.”

“Which I turned down,” Ryan snapped, he hated that Kyle still brought that up. Like why did it matter all these years later.

Stan knew why Kyle was acting the way he was, and it had nothing to do with Eddie or Ryan’s new career choice. Well maybe that wasn’t true because Kyle was scared Ryan would leave him. Kyle didn’t go to college, he didn’t have a degree, he was a musician. He loved his music and he loved the life he was living, but he knew Ryan was meant for more. Ryan had graduated both high school and college at the top of his class. He had job offers from around the globe, everyone had wanted him. But his fear of growing up made him resent his parents for making him get the degree instead of traveling.

Kyle was in love with Ryan. It was something that Stan had just recently discovered from hearing a late night phone call. Stan had woke up to hearing Kyle on the phone crying, and Stan had felt a mix of anger and hurt. The anger went away seconds later because well he was using Kyle for the same reasons. He used Kyle and alcohol to numb the pain that was Bill Denbrough. Every shot made his heart stop aching, every touch and act made him forget that he couldn't remember being with him. But Kyle loving Ryan was why Stan was stepping away from Kyle, and Kyle understood. 

He didn’t want to be a part of something like that again. Stan didn’t know if he could survive going through that again, he couldn't lose more people. Reno and MJ had told him stories of Kyle’s jealousy. Though Stan knows Kyle would not hurt him on purpose. Kyle cared for him, he hadn't meant for this to last this long. Stan knew firsthand that sometimes you act without thinking. Stan and Kyle hugged, but after that it seemed that Kyle and Ryan started to crumble. But Stan couldn't do that, no matter how much he needed it. 

Stan would have to find a different way to cope or---find someone else.

“Maybe,” Stan started then stopped, Ryan looked at him motioning for him to continue. “Maybe…have you ever thought Kyle might have feelings for you.” Ryan gave him a weird look. “Like real honest feelings of wanting more than friendship between you.”

“Seriously,” Ryan laughed but stopped when Stan looked at him. Stan had one of the best bitch faces Ryan had ever seen, though Eddie came a close second. “We’ve been friends since eighth grade, I think I would know...” Ryan stopped looked at Stan getting paler as memories started to flood him. “If Kyle felt something for me he’d tell me.” Stan looked away then back up to Ryan who looked wrecked as he stumbled for words. “We’re just…he’s…oh my god.”

“I sort of might have heard him talking to Richie,” Stan admitted walking towards Ryan who looked like he had seen a ghost. “Shortly after our Valentine’s Day…whatever.” Ryan rolled his eyes.

“So you are telling me,” Ryan closed his eyes tightly then opened them confused. “After fucking you, he called your best friend to complain about me.”

“He wasn’t complaining, Stan replied softly recalling how broken Kyle sounded. “He was drunk, and in a lot of pain,” Stan explained which got a huff from Ryan who walked back towards the kitchen. Stan watched him down the rest of the beer. “Richie has been in love with Eddie his entire life. I can’t recall a time Richie wasn’t all about Eddie.”

“Yet you dated him,” Ryan snapped then instantly regretted his words as pain shot across Stan’s face. “Stan, I’m sorry that was uncalled for.” Ryan admitted his voice full of remorse, Stan just gave him a nod. Ryan knew how much pain that decision caused him, without truly knowing. “This is just a lot dude.” 

“He wanted to know how Richie handled being friends with the guy he loved more than his own life.” Stan sighed as Ryan looked up frowning. “Richie told him he had to distance himself from Eddie.”

“He’s picking fights with me,” Ryan mumbled seeing how easily he fell into each fight. “That’s why he told me about you two, he thought I’d be angry.” Stan nodded.

“There’s nothing between us,” Stan assured him, Ryan rolled his eyes again walking away.

“We’ll get to your damage in a second,” Ryan grumbled rubbing his face. “How do I fix this?”

“Talk to him,” Stan told him laughing when he watched Ryan groan then fling himself on the couch.

Sometimes Stan felt like he was older than Ryan. Though that wasn’t much of a change he had always acted older than most people he knew. The losers had always liked that about him. He was their voice of reason, the one who thought of the bigger picture. Stan knew that was one of the reasons he and Richie were so good of friends. Richie acted without thought. Richie would just head into a situation, he never thought of the aftermath he just dove in headfirst. Stan was the one who always held him back, got him to focus, and see the right way of handling it. 

Stan missed that. 

Stan missed Richie. The days he had been here seemed to brighten up Stan whole life. Stan didn't know how dark his existence was until Richie walked in this apartment. It was like he felt whole again, being around him and Eddie. They had all been friends for so long that Stan never thought he’d be without them, especially not Richie. Despite Richie being all about Eddie, and Stan being in love with Bill, they were always together. Maybe it was because of that. Richie could complain about Eddie, and Stan could go on and on about Bill being stupid and they would just listen. Then when Richie would want to do something idiotic, Stan would grab him shaking his head. Stan missed Richie.

It was nice being around Mike, especially since he had learned to tolerate Ryan and Kyle. Especially Ryan since he had started to realize he wanted to get back into his old career. Moving out had helped honestly, now when Mike comes over it’s nice. They'll actually talk. Living in a frat house is everything Mike thought it would be and he loved it. He liked being apart of that brotherhood, he liked playing football, he loved collage. he would go on and on about stuff, and Stan would just listen. 

Stan was glad he was so happy, but Mike was no Trashmouth. 

XOXO

Richie and Bev’s birthday party was like it always was, crazy and frantic. Eddie had set up a way for Maggie and Wentworth to video call Richie, Victoria had called but mainly spoke to Bev, and then Stan and Mike video called once Stan was off work. Richie and Bev had dressed up like they were in a beach movie from the 50’s. Eddie had stood back watching as Bev and Richie made their entrance for Stan and Mike. Everyone had rolled their eyes as Stan whistled and clapped as Bev danced. It was a perfect moment, with both Stan and Mike promising to come down this summer.

There was a bonfire, people were dancing and laughing. There had been volleyball, Eddie stood on the side laughing as Richie kept going face first in the sand. Eddie as promised taped everything he could, sending it to both Stan and Maggie. Maggie was taking this hard, but they were making plans to come down after school ended. It had been everything that Bev and Richie could want. The apartment complex had been generous and allowed them to invite more than the normal two guest per tenant. 

Eddie had got the guitar Richie got him for Valentine's Day out once the sun went down. Richie had watched lovely as Eddie played, everyone singing along with the songs as the day turned into evening. Richie taped him, wanted Eddie to see he did have talent. The moon shined bright as the cool California night hit them. Though to them the winter of California was like a fall night, so they enjoyed it. Bev went inside with Ben, who was pretty much finally healed up. He and Richie had started their yoga again. Though not as intense as before. 

“Good birthday,” Eddie asked softly seeing Richie’s dazed expression.

“I just miss us all being together,” Richie sighed, today had been fun but it missed something, something like The Losers. “Bill isn’t doing well.”

“Finding out your _girlfriend_ is engaged kind of puts you in a bad spot,” Eddie advised running his fingers through Richie hair smiling as he closed his eyes. “You miss Stan.”

“Bill is miserable, Stan is miserable,” Richie groaned looking up at Eddie helplessly, how did they fix this.

“So what,” Eddie laughed. “You think they can miserable together.”

“Stan would be here if Bill would just forgive him,” Richie told Eddie sternly, his voice breaking. “Stan thinks he ruined Bill’s life, and Bill is letting him think that.” Eddie frowned but could not argue, he and Bill had argued about it. “They’re both punishing themselves. Bill keeps going from one bad relationship to the next, Stan keeps drinking and fucking whoever is willing hoping it’ll dulls the pain.” Eddie felt his heart ache, he knew how much it hurt Richie to see two of his oldest friends destroying themselves. “I don’t know how to help them.”

Eddie hugged Richie, Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie as he buried his face in his stomach. Richie didn’t know what else to do, he had tried talking to them both but nothing helped. Bill refused to listen, he refused to accept that Stan was hurting. Every time Bill started to listen it was like something happened to make him angry again. Richie was to the point where he just wanted to act out, he wanted to hit and break Bill. He wanted Bill to see that he was hurting Stan way more than Stan hurt him. 

Everyone wanted Bill to accept it was Pennywise last attempt that hurt him, not Stan. Stan would never have hurt him.

Richie knew about him and Kyle, but he now knew that ended. Kyle had told him everything, he had no one else to talk to. None of his friends would listen to him, none of them seem to understand the depth of his feelings for Ryan. So drunk he called Richie, and Richie listened and talked to him. Later Stan had told him that Ryan was going to talk with him, but so far that had not happened. He did know that Stan had stopped whatever they were doing. So instead of sex with Kyle, Stan went out almost every night with EJ. 

He was looking for a cure for his broken heart, only Richie knew it couldn’t be found at the bottom of a bottle or under the sheets with EJ. EJ was the last person that Richie wanted him involved with. He was a disaster. 

XOXO

Bill sucked in a deep breath he had gone to Eddie’s room to apologize for not staying at the party. But he was not in the mood to party. He had got on social media, looked at the hundreds of photos Stan had posted. The beautiful landscape, the birds, the buildings, and people of Florida. He read each status, saw each selfie knowing despite the smile on his face he wasn’t smiling. Except for when he came to the photos with Eddie and Richie. Bill had laid in bed like he did more than he cared to admit just looking at Stan’s new life. Seeing the photos and videos feeling a mix of so many emotions he couldn't name. 

Walking away from the room, Bill knew he shouldn’t be angry. Richie was right, he did make Stan feel left out, he destroyed their group. Bill had gone out of his way to make sure that he didn’t like anything Stan posted. He didn’t reply to any of his comments, he acted though Stan didn’t exist. It was killing him. Over Christmas he edged on calling him, he almost asked Mike if he could come too. He wanted to see Stan. With every post his now ex made dedicated to him he felt more and more distant. Finding out she was with someone else was a godsend, though he was hurt. He just didn’t know how much more he could do this. He didn’t know if he had it in him to try with someone else. Falling on his bed he went for his phone again.

Stan had added more photos. 

Opening them up, Stan face graced his phone smiling giving peace sign as Mike arms were wrapped around him with a caption HEATWAVE IN FLORIDA. They were on the beach with their shirts open, and they both looked good. They must have taken this one today because they were wearing those shirts when they video called Richie and Bev. Stan’s hair was long, almost to his shoulders. Bill didn’t know if he liked it or not, but Stan looked good. Moving to the next photo he posted some old photos of him and Richie for his birthday, then a couple of him and Bev. Bill stopped when he got to a group photo of them all, before everything got ruined. 

It was the perfect photo. 

“What are you doing up,” Eddie asked seeing that it was after two in the morning.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Bill sighed flipping the television off, he was so tired. “What are you doing up?”

“Got a call,” Eddie explained waving his phone.

“Stan,” Bill asked softly looking up to see Eddie nod. “How is he doing?”

“He’s upset that he missed the party,” Eddie explained, it was after five in the morning there. He had been out with EJ again, once he got home he called Eddie. 

“He looks happy,” Bill mumbles looking at Eddie’s face that is unreadable. “I saw the photos he posted for Richie’s birthday.”

“Bill,” Eddie sighed moving forward to sit on the coffee table, so he was in front of him. “He’s not happy, you are not happy, Richie is not happy, this whole situation is messy. No one is happy.” Bill nodded feeling the tears burn his eyes. “If you can’t be with him well that’s your loss, but please for everyone decide if you want him as a friend.”

“I’m a mess Eds,” Bill admitted wiping the tears away. “I feel like I am drowning, the more I try the farther I keep getting pulled down.” Eddie watched him as he struggled to keep himself calm. “I don’t know…I…I’m just angry and I don’t know how not to be.”

“What are you angry about,” Eddie asked confused, he couldn’t still be angry at Stan—could he.

“At Stan, at you, at Richie,” Bill admitted wiping more tears away. “At myself mostly.” Eddie nodded. “It hurt you know, doing what we did, then having to watch him be with you knowing…” Eddie looked away, they hadn’t really talked about this. “Then finding out it wasn’t really him, that it used what we felt to punish him…to punish us.”

“You need to talk with Stan,” Eddie told him, watching Bill shake his head no. “Bill!” Bill looked up, Eddie voice was cold and harsh. “You need closure, Stan needs closure, you need to talk and figure this out." Bill felt weak, he was supposed to be the leader, what happened to him. "Or Pennywise win after all.” 

Richie was waiting for him, neither spoke. Richie was angry too. Angry that Bill couldn’t just forgive Stan since it wasn’t his fault. Angry that Bill was moving from one doomed relationship to another, never truly giving himself to any of them. He was angry that Stan had to find way to numb himself, that Stan choose to live on the other side of the country. Richie was angry that everyone just knew they all wouldn’t be together anymore because Bill didn’t want Stan in his life. 

Richie was angry. 

Climbing into the bed Eddie welcomed Richie into his arms, they could hear Bill moving around. They finally heard his door shut. Richie relaxed but Eddie knew it wasn’t the end of this. Eddie had been playing middleman due to this situation for months now. At first he understood Bill’s reaction, he knew how much he was hurting. Eddie had been hurting as well, but he also knew Eddie himself was at fault too. He had stayed with Stan when he knew he wanted Richie all along. The more Eddie begun to look at the situation the easier it was to forgive Stan, to move on from that and have his friend back. But maybe it was different for Bill. Eddie didn't know. 

Eddie just didn’t want to lose his best friend.

TBC


	8. One Stormy Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Bill...that's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote the last chapter, so I had to rewrite most of this one as well. As I was doing so I ended up deciding to make one more chapter. I just couldn't end it where I originally wanted to, and feel good about it. It wasn't an ending. This story became more than I had expected, so thank you everyone. 
> 
> WaywardArrowGurl76 thank you so much for the comment and wonderful feedback ❤. As a writer all constructive feedback is welcome, it's how I grow and learn. I myself have had a severe concussion. I ended up with Post-Concussion Syndrome afterwards, and still suffer from it. My intention was never to make light of concussions, as I personally know how dangerous and fatal they can be. Details like that is something I will pay closer attention to in the future of my writing. Thank You! ❤
> 
> Jacey Thank You! You have gone above and beyond beta reading for me lately.

**Future Unknown: One Stormy Night**

Stan looked out his window. The rain had started a while ago, but it had quickly turned from a small spring shower to something almost deadly. It started with a light rain rolling in about the time he got off work. Today had been shockingly busy, Stan had wondered if it was midterm time for this semester. It was like the moment they got one table cleaned it was suddenly filled by a group, a few times they didn’t even get the tables cleaned before people were trying to sit down. Stan had to put up the sign "Please Wait to be Seated" which they rarely had to use. He walked home in a misty thick fog, happy that the rain itself waited for him to get inside before it started. 

After his shower he could hear the pounding of the hard rain, he looked outside in awe at how quickly the weather had shifted. The sky was almost black, he turned on the radio as he started to make his dinner. After weeks of ignoring the problem Ryan was talking to Kyle tonight. They had made plan per Stan’s request that conversation was not happening here. Stan didn’t want to be present, he didn't know what was going to happen but this was about them. The wind had started to pick up, Stan watched the lightening in the sky as his timer went off. 

Taking the pizza out of the oven, Stan was glad he had tomorrow off. He planned to watch a few documentaries that Eddie had sent him, then to bed with the plan of not waking up until afternoon. Sitting on the couch he jumped a bit at the loud bang of thunder. He looked around the lights flickered but were still on. He looked over at his phone, happy he thought of plugging it in when he got home. It was almost at a full charge, so he’d at least have that in case he needed to call someone. Settling on the couch Stab went to decide if he wanted to watch a documentary or put on a sitcom. He knew he stared at the TV longer than he should have.

Stand decided on the sitcom just as there was a knock on the door. 

“Bill,” Stan gasped opening the door eyes wide. Bill’s hair was longer much like everyone else, but he was soaked to the bone. Somehow his blue eyes seemed brighter. “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood,” Bill joked forcing a laugh then shivered, smiling as Stan rolled his eyes.

“You live in California,” Stan reminded him moving out of the way for him to come in.

Bill walked past Stan slowly. He felt like he was going to pass out, he had been sick since his talk with Eddie. It was now spring break. Richie had stopped talking to him, and Bill stopped trying not wanting to put Eddie in the middle--again. Bev was trying to tell Richie this wasn’t his business while Ben tried to keep her calm. It was like Bill had somehow managed to break up their entire group. Bill noticed that Richie didn’t come up anymore, Ben and Eddie always went downstairs. Bev invited him to dinner, a dinner Richie was too tired to attend. Then the group chats from Mike started.

Mike just kept going on about how _great_ things were for them down in Florida. Stan had friends, he had boyfriends. Sure, Mike didn’t like most of them, but he had friends. Stan had a job, okay so he worked fifty plus hours, but he liked his job. Then he’d start in on Stan’s new passion in photography. Stan did seem to love it, and he seemed to be doing good at it. Even took some free community classes. Mike told them a few places, thanks to Ryan, had bought photos he took to use on their websites. 

Stan was great. Stan didn't need them--him anymore. That of course made Bill even sicker, to the point he spent an entire day throwing up.

“Here,” Stan said softly handing him a towel, Bill gave him an awkward smile as he took it hand shaking. “Take off your shoes and follow me.” Bill did as he was told, slipping off his dripping wet shoes making a face as he realized how wet his socks were. He followed Stan to the bathroom, waited there as Stan disappeared into what he assumed was his bedroom. “Here are some dry clothes, my shower gel is under the sink, and I have pizza if you are hungry.” Bill took the clothes, giving him a shy silent nod.

Stan watched the door shut, then let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Stan for a moment thought he heard whimpers like Bill was crying. Stan rushed over to the phone, to see that Bill had not posted anything about traveling in the chat or his Facebook. He had not posted for days on social media actually, Stan looked towards the bathroom. He saw that a few people tagged him in post, a few begging him to go to a few events for Spring Break. Saw a picture of what he assumed were his frat brothers, with gorgeous tanned girls on their arms. He knew him and Ben had joined, they were trying to get Richie and Eddie to join next year. 

Bill leaned his head against the door, he felt so cold. He slowly took off his wet socks, his hoodie that was dripping, then his t-shirt and jeans. Soon he stood in Stan’s bathroom with nothing on, shivering and ice cold as he looked at himself. He looked like a drowned rat. He rinsed out his clothes, not wanting the water to get all over the place. He didn’t want to make a mess, he didn’t want to get Stan in trouble with his roommate. Though from what he’s heard he wasn’t sure that was possible. 

Bill watched as steam filled the room, he was just so cold. Hissing as his cold skin came into contact with very warm water. Bill closed his eyes inhaling Stan’s body wash. He still used the same one as he did the last time Bill showered at Stan's house. Same shampoo as well. For a moment Bill was taken back to when thing made sense, when things were simple, when he wasn’t such a mess. Slipping out of the shower he dried himself off slowly. Smiling as Stan’s scent enveloped him as he put on the shirt and sweatpants. 

He picked up his clothes putting them over the bathtub not knowing what to do with them. His hair was too long, he had been thinking of getting it cut. Everyone but Ben had been letting their hair grew. Bev recently cut hers off tired of the length finally. Bill just didn’t care. The more the girls he was with said he should cut it the more he let it grow. But now he was hating it, he didn’t look himself anymore. Though truth be told he didn’t know who he was. He had been lost for so long, so maybe the hair should stay. 

He opened the door, smiling at Stan, who was waiting for him to come out. Stan wordlessly walked past him grabbed his wet clothes, and damp neatly folded towel. Bill watched him toss them along with some other clothes in the washer. Stan walked past him, Bill followed. Bill was still cold, but he didn’t know if that was from his nerves or from the weather. The thunder banged, and the lightening snapped outside, he had not seen a storm like this in several years. He walked over to the doors that lead to the balcony just watching it as he heard Stan behind him shuffle around. Turning around he walked towards the kitchen, he could see why Richie liked the apartment. 

“Eddie made us one of these,” Bill says pointing to the cleaning chart that hangs on their fridge.

“Eddie made that when he was visiting,” Stan laughed handing Bill a plate of pizza. Bill shook his head amused because of course Eddie did. “I tried to toss it but Ryan is scared of Eddie.” Stan laughs as Bill crinkled up his face in confusions. “I am serious, he follows that charts like clockwork. Got mad at me last week because I didn’t wash the walls.” 

“Richie mentioned, but…” Bill laughed unable to believe anyone would be scared of Eddie. “He’s Eddie.”

“Exactly,” Stan grinned trying to avoid looking at Bill, so he walked back to the couch. 

Bill stood in the kitchen he knows for longer than he probably should have, but he couldn’t help it. He had been sitting at home on Stan’s page once---again. Looking through all his photos---again. Thinking about Richie not talking to him, the broken looks Eddie tried to hide. He tossed his phone when Mike sent another message about how Ryan sold a few more of Stan’s photos. He didn’t want to see everyone being happy, he didn’t want to see all the congratulations. He didn't want Mike to remind him once again Stan had moved on. He wanted to see Stan, to hug him, he wanted Stan to miss him. But mostly Bill wanted to not feel like this anymore.

Bill woke up and something took over him, he couldn't explain it. He left a note that he needed to think, he’d be back in a few days. Bill didn’t know what made him go to the airport, what made him spend money he shouldn’t have on a one way ticket. He called into work told him he had a family emergency, that he was about to board a plane for home. His boss understood; Bill was reliable, Bill would never lie—Bill was not any of those things right now. Eddie had written down Stan’s address on their white board. Bill still didn’t know why he did this, but there was no going back now. 

Bill was in Florida--in Stan's apartment. 

Walking into the room he sat down next to Stan, Bill could almost laugh at the situation. It was like they were back in Derry. Stan would come over, Bill would make them pizza and they’d either study or watch some stupid sitcom until Stan had to leave. Or Stan would stay over, and they’d stay up way too late but neither cared. It was clear that neither of them wanted to talk, both scared to burst whatever bubble they had found themselves in right now. 

Bill looked over at Stan who turned away quick, then Bill turned away just as quick when Stan looked at him. Bill was pathetic.

“So,” Stan mumbled as both just sat there uncomfortable, neither paying attention to the television. “You flew all the way here.”

“Yeah,” Bill confirmed taking a bite of the pizza, looking over to Stan. “I like your apartment.” Stan gave him a nod taking a bite of his own pizza. “I should probably tell someone where I went.” 

“Wait,” Stan choked the cough as pizza went down wrong, turning to look at Bill. “You didn’t tell anyone you were leaving California.” Bill shook his head no shyly unable to hid his blush. This was humiliating. “What did you do, just drive to the airport.” Bill’s expression told him everything, Stan couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You should call Richie, Eddie is probably driving him crazy.”

"I left a note," Bill informed him watching Stan close his eyes to laugh more. “Richie isn't speaking to me...anymore,” Bill sighed finishing his pizza, placing the plate on the coffee table in front of him. He looked at his phone then back at Stan. “Can I use yours, mine is dead.” Stan rolled his eyes smiling softly, because this was classic Bill he always forgot to charge his phone. Stan handed him his phone. Bill laughed. “You’ve never changed your passcode.”

“Never thought about it,” Stan shrugged turning to look at him then away again blushing. “Only person here who would even have a clue is Mike, and I see him once a week now.”

“Once a week,” Bill questioned confused, because Mike had told him more than once he sees Stan almost every day.

“We have lunch together every Thursday since he’s moved out,” Stan told him looking at the plates trying to avoid direct eye contact. They could always read each other too well. “That’s my day off and his short day at school,” Stan explained going to pick up the dishes, not missing Bill’s puzzled look.

Had Mike been lying? Mike wouldn't lie--would he?

Stan made his way into the kitchen, taking a deep breath. He knew he and Bill needed to talk but part of him didn’t want to talk. He heard the storm outside getting louder, and almost wanted to laugh. Looking into the room Bill was just starring at the phone. Stan wanted to ask him so many questions, but he was also afraid to ask him anything. So, Stan stood back in the kitchen watching Bill look at Stan's phone like it held all the answers. His breathing was elevated, almost like he was scared. Stan could imagine he was, he didn’t miss his comment on Richie not talking to him. 

Richie had made some comments to him, but he thought it was Richie being Richie. Stan knew that if it came down to it Richie would side with him. That pained him deeply because he didn't want their friends to break up. Stan knew given time he and Bill would work this out. That's why he was coming down in a few months. Stan would just have to deal with being brokenhearted. But now Bill was sitting in his living room looking at his phone like it was going to come alive. Like his phone would either give him all the answers or bite his face off. Stan probably knew after their experiences that last one probably wasn't a good analogy to speak out loud. 

Bill finally sucked in a deep breath, he could do this. He had to be brave, because Stan was right. Eddie would start freaking out tomorrow when Bev discovered he left a note. She would them start popping off horrific scenarios and Eddie would have a panic attack. He was sure that right now Eddie was thinking, "okay he needs some space time to collect himself." Ben would be worried when Eddie told him, but Richie was too stubborn to let anyone knew if he cared or not. Well maybe not Eddie, Eddie knew what Richie would do before Richie ever knew what Richie would do. Bill didn't want to worry them, he also didn't want their judgment or Bev's motherly concern. 

"Hey Stan," Eddie chirped into the phone, Bill smiled as he heard Richie groaned. Bill could see Richie falling back on the bed face a mock of annoyance. 

"It's Bill actually," Bill told him weakly looking up to see Stan turning away from him.

"Sorry Bill," Eddie stuttered, as he heard Eddie move probably away from Richie. "I thought this said Stan," Eddie laughed voice sounding dazed, Bill smiled because he could see that confused expression. "Where are you? I tried to call you earlier."

"In Florida," Bill told him standing up, watching Stan let out a laugh.

"Excuse Me," Eddie stuttered pulling the phone away from his ear eyes going wide as he sees it is Stan's number. "What the hell are you doing at Stan's!" Eddie watched Richie shoot up.

"I don't know," Bill admitted rubbing his eyes. "I just...I'll be back in a few days."

"You can't just show up at his door step William," Eddie yelled. "Not after ignoring him for almost a year!" Bill heard Eddie hiss and then yell.

Bill could see what was happening without even being there, and he knew Stan could too. They had seen it enough throughout their lives. They were the original four members of The Losers. They had known each other their entire lives. They had played together, hid from bullies together, they had suffered because they were outcast. They were losers before The Losers Club. They had rode their bikes up and down Derry causing adults to roll their eyes. 

The four of them had their own issues, the thing that made them stand out. Bill had his stutter. It became clear as they grew older and the stutter faded away that if he hadn't had one, he wouldn't have been one of them. Stan was Jewish. The community had grown over the years, but none of them were like Stan. None of them were the son of the Rabi. Eddie had his mother, and that fanny pack. He was hyperactive, neurotic, and would go on rants about allergies, diseases, and infections like it was common knowledge. Richie, well Richie like Victoria had his name. Tozier. Wentworth and Maggie had quite the reputation. Hushed rumors followed them the worse being that Richie wasn't really Wentworth's. So Richie developed his mouth, not because he wanted to but because he had to.

The four of them were each other's life lines, their link to survival. Without each other they would have died long before that summer. 

Bill could see them on the floor or bed just wrestling. He knew Richie would win, Richie let Eddie win a lot. Both Stan and Bill knew it, knew that when it came to Richie Tozier Eddie always won. If it came to Richie getting punched, walking home with broken glasses and a black eye. If it came to Richie showing up at Conor's house because his clothes were ripped and bloody because he jumped someone to allow Eddie to get away. In Richie's eyes Eddie always won. But there were times when Eddie winning just couldn't happen, this was one of them.

"Bill," Richie whispered into the phone gently. Bill smiled, he missed Richie, he missed them being like they were. "Are you okay?"

"I can't do it anymore," Bill mumbled into the phone falling back on the couch, the coldness returning. "I'm sorry Richie, I just...can't."  
"Hey it's okay," Richie told him raising his hand to Eddie who tried to take the phone again. 

"I'm sorry Rich," Bill mumbled closing his eyes, feeling like he let everyone down. "I should have been better, I should have taken better care of you guys." Richie frowned, feeling a punch in the gut. "He won."

"No he didn't," Richie snapped, Bill opened his eyes again. "This right now is about you," Richie told him closing his eyes taking in a deep breath opening them again. He forgot how much Bill took on his shoulders, how much he felt like he had to suffer so none of them would. "And Stan." Bill nodded looking up to see Stan leaning over the sink, he was just staring into space. Almost like he was trying to not throw up. "Just worry about that." Bill opened his mouth to speak. "We're Losers William. We can overcome anything--together." Bill huffed a laugh, Bill may be their leader but Richie was their voice. "If you need money to get back call me."

"Thanks," Bill said looking back towards the window, then up as the lights flickered. "Tell Eddie I'm sorry."

"He's just worried," Richie sighed looking over to Eddie who looked seconds away from either punching Richie or breaking down in tears. "We love you, both of you and this hasn't been easy."

"I'll call you tomorrow," Bill promised.

Stan could imagine Eddie's angry voice, he could imagine Richie taking over the phone. He didn't need to see Bill to know he was having a panic attack. Stan was having one too, felt like his body was attacking him. He heard their goodbyes, Stan had taken Bill's phone and plugged it in. His phone was fully charged so he didn't mind letting Bill's charge for a bit. Bill place Stan's phone down then walked slowly towards the kitchen. He should probably tell Stan he's sorry for this. For just showing up, for ruining his life, for not being able to see past his own pain. This wasn't Stan's fault, none of this was. He had destroyed Stan's life.

Stan jumped with a loud shriek when Bill touched his shoulder, turning around wide eyed looking at a startled Bill. Stan opened his mouth, then Bill opened his but no sound came out of ether of them. It was like they were just stuck there, in that one single moment for what seemed like eternity. Bill saw all the faces of every person he tried to replace Stan with, every lie he told just because he was weak. Stan felt every decision he made to numb the pain, not that he regretted them exactly. But he knew if he had to choose between them or Bill, Bill would win. 

Stan looked down, he couldn't get his voice to cooperate. Stan heard Bill mutter what sounded like "fuck this" before pulling Stan to him. Hands gripping his shirt puling him forward. Stan went willing, lips crushing against lips, moans slipping out of his mouth as Stan was pushed against the hard counter. Bill's hands sliding though dark blond curls as he deepened their harsh kiss. Bill moaning into his mouth as Stan hand's slipped under the shirt desperately clinging to heated skin. This was a bad idea, this would most likely end up being a mistake. 

This was Stan pulling Bill to his bedroom. 

As Stan slammed the door shut he heard a loud crash of thunder, saw the lights flicker before go out with a snap outside, but Stan didn't care. Bill and Stan quickly ripped their clothes off then were back to kissing as Stan pushed Bill onto his bed. Bill scooted up the bed pulling Stan with him. Bill loved Stan hair, loved running his finger through it, loved pulling it when sensations got to be too much. Stan remembered he liked that too. Kissing down Bill's body, Stan enjoyed the taste of his skin. Faded memories coming to the surface. Bill arched into Stan's mouth as Stan's teeth sank into the flesh of his chest sucking a dark mark there. Then lower to his hip, he needed to mark Bill. 

Stan needed to claim his body. He needed everyone to know and Bill to understand, they both may have taken other lovers but Bill belonged to him--always. 

Bill gasped as Stan took him into his mouth, he's gotten good at this. Bill didn't want to think about that, didn't want to think of the other men. Bill closed his eyes as Stan took all of Bill, god he loved the sounds Stan made. Stan moaned as Bill's hand went through his hair moving Stan, more gently than EJ had been. The moment Stan's brown eyes met his blues, "Stan!" Bill hands tightened in a warning. Stan welcomed the sweet bitter taste of Bill. Bill watched eyes wide as he took all of it, hands gripping Bill's body leaving hand prints. Moving slowly off Bill's cock Stan wrapped his lips around the tip gently enjoying the taste. Bill fell back on the bed. God he missed this. 

Memories flooded back to Stan, memories that were once long forgotten. Promises he lost we now fresh in his mind. Kissing up Bill's body Stan enjoyed the taste of Bill's body mixed with the taste of Bill still in his mouth. Bill heard a drawer open then close. Felt Stan's body lift up leaving him cold, then press back on his enveloping him back in the warmth. Stan kissed the marks he left earlier, then his chin until Bill claimed his mouth desperately. Moaning as the familiar taste of himself on Stan's tongue invaded his senses. Stan could feel the tingle of small scratches already on his shoulders, and he wanted more. He wanted to lose himself in Bill, he wanted that memory. "We can stop." Bill told him gently, moving Stan's sweat soaked curls out of his face.

"Do you want to stop," Stan whispered following his actions, moving his hair out of the way to look into his blue eyes. "We can just sleep."

"I want you inside of me," Bill admitted, Stan eyes went wide as he remembered those words being spoken before. Except they were whispered in Bill's room late at night. Hours after they had gotten each other off in Bill's bed, then his shower. 

Stan smiled, giving him a nod.

Bill gasped as a slick finger slide inside of him slowly, Bill humming contently. Stan wondered if he did this to himself still. "Please," Bill begged lifting his hips up desperately, oh yeah he still did. Stan inserted a second, he smiled. He remembered a toy, it was red, and not small but not as big as either of them. He recalled watching Bill use it. It wasn't cheating they said, they were just getting off together they said, until it was cheating. "More" Bill begged as Stan was three fingers inside of him, scissoring his fingers thrusting in and out. Bill was hungry for it, he needed it, he needed Stan, hands twisting sheets as he fucked himself with Stan's fingers. 

Stan slipped on the condom, slicked himself up, "Bill..." Stan mumbled, he saw Bill shake his head yes hard. Bill spread his legs apart opening himself up like no one had ever done for him. Stan had only bottomed here. Stan slide inside of him slow, feeling Bill more than hearing him until Bill was all he heard. Bill clung to him, biting down on Stan's lower lip as ragged nail pierce into his back. Stan closes his eyes as he remembered Bill on top of him, straddling him as they sat on the floor hidden by his bed. Both of them going so slow not wanting to get caught by Bill's parents but not wanting to stop. They couldn't make a sound, the room filled with a song they didn't even like. 

Stan started to move, Bill let out a loud cry as Stan started to hit the perfect angle. Bill tried to cover his mouth but Stan grabbed his hand holding them down. "I wanna hear you," Bill nodded eyes wide as Stan increased his movements. Leaning forward kissing Bill's face, until he got to his mouth. Stan let Bill's hand go. No more hiding, they didn't need to hide anymore. They could be open, Bill pushed himself up until he was sitting in Stan's lap. 

Bill closed his eyes whimpering at how deep Stan was inside of him right now, he'd feel him for days. They moved together as one, hard and fast. Bill's hand at first threading though wet locks, then moving to slick skin. Stan leaned forward kissing at Bill's neck enjoying the taste of Bill as his orgasms started to build inside of him. Sinking his teeth into Bill's shoulder hard as it hit him, almost drawing blood. The sweet tingle of pain throwing Bill over the edge. Bill's nail digging into Stan's back once again leaving deep red lines as he lost himself, like he hadn't done in along time. 

For a moment they belonged to each other. Their bodies feeling as out of control as the storm that raged outside this very room. In this moment nothing mattered, there was no California or Florida or Derry, there was no past or present or future it was just them in this one perfect moment. As they fell back Bill laughed as he came down from the natural high of sex with Stan. Then hissed a whimpered moan as Stan pulled out of him, tossing the condom in the waste basket before he fell next to Bill.

Stan whole body felt like it was floating, nothing he had tried yet had put him to this level of blissful ecstasy. 

"Stanley." Bill mumbled sleepily looking over at the boy he had no right to have.

"Yes William," Stan smiling turning over on his side to look at him, god he loved him.

"I'm sorry," Bill told him as his hand going to Stan's face, in that moment Stan realized they were both crying. "I don't deserve this."

"I remember now," Stan told him, then closed his eyes kissing Bill's hand. Opening them to see Bill awe struck face. "I didn't before, but I do now."

"I love you," Bill admitted leaning forward to connect their lips gently.

"I love you too," Stan mumbled against his lips, both smiling wiping tears away. Open went to open his mouth to have Bill stop him.

"Shush," Bill sighed kissing the top of Stan's head. "We sleep now." Stan nodding rolling on top of Bill who let out a content sigh.

They'd talk tomorrow, right now they'd sleep. For the first time in more than each could count or recall, they did sleep. 

XOXO

Stan groaned as he felt light on his face but there was no way it could be day time already, he barely felt like he had slept. Shifting his body he felt a warm body next to him shift as well. Stan groaned then smiled looking to his side to see Bill was fast asleep. God he felt disgusting, they really should have showered before letting sleep claim them. Stan laughed he could hear Eddie inside his head telling him how gross and disgusting he was right now. Could imagine the lecture about infections and bacteria. Moving out of the bed he realized it was still dark out the moon was out. Looking up his lights had come back on. 

Bill looked perfect right now. His tanned ivory skin sprawled across the dark red sheets that were his. EJ had bought them for him when Mike moved out, and had hinted at wanting to see Stan against them. But that never happened and it wasn't happening now. Bill opened his eyes groaning, clearly he hadn't wanted to be woken up either. Stan frowned as his eyes went to the mark on his shoulder, he hope that Bill wouldn't be too upset with him. 

"Can I take your picture," Stan asked smiling when Bill nodded a yes.

Stan picked up his camera, he took a few shows of Bill's body against the red, smiling as Bill moved. He made sure not to include Bill's face, because later he might ask if he could use them for his photography class. If Bill said no then he wouldn't but they were working on the human form. Everyone was failing, but this would get him that passing mark. Bill's body covered in a red sheet, showing off tanned skin and toned muscles. Bill's body was perfection. Stan tried different angles, looking at each one smiling. 

Maybe he wouldn't use them. There was something warming Stan insides that Bill trusted him enough to let him take these photos. 

Bill opened his eyes groaning at him with a bashful smile as Stan took a few more with Bill looking at him. Now these ones would be for just Stan. Bill looking all hazy, sleepy, with sex hair and flushed skin and swollen bottom lip. Bill looked like the epitome of sex in these photo. This was the Bill that Stan saw every time he closed his eyes. This was his Bill. He knew like him Bill had slept with at least one other person. Stan had hooked up with a couple besides Kyle and EJ, all of them like Stan. They weren't looking for anyone or anything past that night, it had been fun but sex was all it was. 

"I thought you meant with your phone," Bill blushed covering his face with the pillow.

"I can delete them," Stan promised putting the camera down slipping back on the bed.

"You don't have to," Bill told him sitting up looking down at his body. He was covered in a mixed of their sweat and bodily fluid. "We need to shower." Stan nodded admiring Bill's body from this angle. "Will you show anyone else." Stan looked up at him face crinkled. "The photos, will you show anyone?"

"Oh," Stan mumbled shaking his head. "Not if you don't want me to," Stan told him watching Bill look away blushing deeply. "Do you want me to?" Stan tilted his head as Bill shrugged trying to pass it off. "I am in a photography class, we're studying the human form." Bill looked at him, Stan could see his eye darken. "I wouldn't use any with your face obviously."

"If it's for your class," Bill nodded unable to believe he is actually kind of getting turned on by this. "I wouldn't be opposed to helping you out." Stan smiled, they were talking about this later.

"Come on," Stan stated clearing his voice. "You get the shower ready and I'll change the sheets." Stan sighed moving out of bed slowly, slipping on his boxers not missing Bill watching him. 

Bill slipped on the sweats that he tore off hours earlier, frowning as he saw Stan's back. That was going to sting in the shower there was no way it wouldn't. Bill looked at the camera unable to believe the idea of people seeing him actually did something for him. But then he did like public places too. Like knowing that Stan would show off those photos, no one would know it's him but Stan. Of course if he failed than he would feel bad. Right now though, Bill was liking the idea that Stan admired his body enough to want to take his photo--for a class. 

No one needed or would know that those photos were him. 

Stan stripped the bed, as he heard Bill turn on the water. He had washed his normal sheets a few days ago, EJ's were his back up sheets. Mike had bought his regular ones, they were a grey jersey material. They went nice with the comforter that he had picked up on clearance. The sheets were soft, and Stan liked them. EJ shopped by color, Stan shopped by comfort because he didn't bring people home. That was his rule. Well except Kyle. He and Kyle had had sex in this bed, but that was it. And now Bill. 

Stan took Bill's clothes and the few he put with them in the dryer, only thinking afterwards he should have asked. He knew from listening to Eddie that not all clothes could be dried, but this was Bill. He wore the same type of shirt for like two years. Richie was just as bad, he still wore the same clothes. He just exchanged them for bigger and now darker sizes. Tossing the sheets in the washer, Stan now felt weird about the sheets. Stan looked at the washer for a few more second then walked off to shower. 

Yeah he should probably not use them. 

The shower wasn't a sexy shower despite a few attempts on both parts. Stan was too in his head, and Bill honestly looked like he was about to collapse. Maybe this could have waited, but he felt gross and it seemed so did Bill. So they showered Bill took his time with Stan's back. Stan grinned as Bill hummed when he took his time washing Bill's hair. Stan smiled softly as Bill leaned over to kiss his wrist tattoo. Bill leaned his head forward against Stan's body closing his eyes just inhaling the scent and feel of Stan's body against his. The warm water falling down their body as they clung to each other, Stan kissing the top of Bill's head. Once the water started to cool down they moved apart, and the shower ended quickly. 

They both slipped out wordlessly, and proceeded to dry off. Picking their clothes up, they walked to Stan's room each wrapped in their towel. 

Stan sat on the bed, he could still hear the rain outside but it was now softer and gentler than the angry roaring storm it was previously. He closed his eyes as everything in his head hit him at once. Wondering if he should just delete the photos, maybe Bill wouldn't want the reminder. They hadn't talked about this. All because they loved each other, all because Stan remembered didn't mean that Bill actually wanted him anymore. Stan had had sex enough to know it doesn't have to mean a thing. People especially those with a broken heart had a tendency to say stupid meaningless things during sex. Things that once the high is gone they didn't mean.

"I don't want to lose you again," Stan whispered softly, wanting Bill to hear but also not wanting him to. Stan didn't want to hurt again, closing his eyes as Bill lifted his chin. Stan didn't know if he could survive losing Bill again, not like this. 

"I want to be with you," Bill told him gently watching Stan's eyes open slowly. Stan had not expected that. "I don't deserve it, not after...." Stan watched Bill's face crumbled. "I destroyed everything we all built."

"You didn't," Stan told him pulling him closer, wrapping his arms around Bill's waist. "Things are different sure but we're still The Losers." Bill nodded, but still felt like he broke something. "I love you."

"Maybe you shouldn't," Bill admitted running his fingers through Stan's hair watching Stan's face soften to that gentle smile he always gave Bill.

"Well I do," Stan replied then hummed a softly moan closing his eyes as Bill's fingers massaged his scalp. "You're mine." 

"Boyfriends," Bill smiled, loving how Stan's face lit up. His brown eyes almost seemed golden right now. Bill didn't know if it was the light in this room or just them.

Bill leaned forward catching his lips gently, Stan smiled into the kiss. Bill climbed into the bed moments later, he wished he had more energy. All Bill wanted to do was have Stan buried inside of him again. He wanted to feel that close to him, wanted to hear their hearts racing. To know what Stan tasted like again, like Stan knew him, but in all honesty his body was just drained. He was no longer cold, but now a bone deep exhaustion had washed over him. He knew it was probably from weeks maybe even months of pushing himself when he shouldn't have. Both mentally and physically, now he could rest.

Stan turned off the lights, Bill laughed as the storm begun to pick up again. 

Stan climbed into the bed, sighing as he curled around Bill once again. Stan closed his eyes as Bill's fingers made shapes and designs on his back, Stan giggled when he felt I love you. This took him back to when they were all small children and they would nap together. One of them would write words on one of their back and the other would try to guess the word and who wrote it. Richie always picked the worst words, but then he was Trashmouth. So it was easy to know when it was him and what word it was. But Stan always knew when it was Bill, just like Richie always knew when it was Eddie. Even back then it was like somehow their bodies had been in tuned to each other.

They truly were pathetic fools, no matter what age they were at. 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the story I went with Stan having light brown eyes. Got a few harsh words because I guess Andy Bean has blue eyes, but I wrote his series with Wyatt's face in mind. So that's why his eyes are brown and not blue. 
> 
> Thank You to everyone who comments, leaves messages, and kudos! ❤


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